Friday, December 2, 2011

It isn't the same

Jesse and I were talking about Christmas time.  And I was kind of griping to him that I am just not feeling excited and just feeling blah about it.  Yesterday my guys were just literally running around screaming "I'M SO EXCITED IT'S ALMOST CHRISTMAS".  Oy vey, settle down little ones, I kept saying.  Occasionally having to raise my voice to tell them to settle down.  Sheesh. 
But I can recall so much being like that.  Oh, how I loved Christmas.  I loved everything about it.  Counting down the days.  I spent months looking at toy catalogs and meticulously crafting my Christmas wish list.  I wrote SO MANY letters to Santa.  {I wrote my last letter to Santa the Christmas before I got married, so I was 20}.  I loved making sugar cookies and cutting them out, then baking them and painting them.  I loved going to the mall and waiting in line to sit on Santa's lap.  I remember begging my mom and dad to let me stay in HUGE lines while my parents shopped.  They never let me, but I was willing to wait hours for an audience with the big guy.  I loved driving around looking at Christmas lights, Christmas caroling, and definitely decorating the tree.  Oh, I begged God every night for feet (not inches, feet) of snow for Christmas.  I loved getting Christmas dresses and wearing them to church.  Oh, I just LOVED Christmas. 

But, I've been feeling kind of glum because I just don't feel that excitement anymore.  And that totally bums me out.  Jesse actually did a good job of pointing out to me that kids feel the magic so much more than adults.  And that it's our job as adults to promote the excitement, to provide the most exciting experience for them.  And you know, that TOTALLY makes sense to me.  And it makes me feel so much better.  I never thought I would lose that "magic" of the season, but I feel jaded about it.  Maybe it's because now, I'm the one wrapping the presents, eating the cookies and drinking the milk.  The magic is just naturally not the same. 

So, with all those thoughts in mind, I decided that instead of trying to settle my guys excitement, I'm going to try to make the most out of their excitement.  I want my guys to feel the magic so that maybe I can feel it too through them.   I want them not to remember that during the Christmas season, mom was always depressed, suppressing their excitement.  I want them to know how to make Christmas magical for their kids that they swear they will not have {THEN, I will be disappointed if they don't}.  I want them to just be completely immersed in the excitement of the season.  I also want to teach them to be giving even if they don't feel it all the time. 

It may not be the same for me as it once was, but I want it to be better.  And I'm working on it being that way!!!!!!!! 

May you all have a very blessed Christmas!

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