Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Off for a little while

Well, today will probably be my last day on the 'puter for a little while. We pack everything in the truck tomorrow ~ :0) Hopefully it will be done tomorrow, that is!
Then we have our last service at church. Then right after church, we are having a birthday party for my little Gunner. Today is his first birthday! And I can't help but remember every single teensy detail of everything that went on a year ago. Don't have time to elaborate tonite, as I am swamped, but hopefully soon I can put up all the emails I sent during that time. Let's just say, I am so grateful to having seen God's merciful loving caring hand in the life of my monster sized preemie! HE's an awesome God who cares deeply for little ones!

Happy birthday, Gunner Ethan! Mommy loves you!

And I shall catch everyone up on the move once we get there! Ta for now!

Saturday, July 25, 2009

A rainy day

It has been overcast and rainy all afternoon. But I did step outside to throw something away and, boy, was it ever muggy ~ sticky and icky. I won't miss that. But I will miss somethings about South Florida! We had a loverly "Palmetto Bug" ~ a bug that back home we call a roach, but it's gianormous. Another thing I won't miss about living in the everglades!

But my heart has been so blessed this week by VBS. I was able to do what I love to do ~ teach. And, my students have just blessed my soul this week. I am ever so grateful that I was able to do this one last time before we left. And just being able to be fun and crazy with the kids was just a blessing too! I was just totally blessed this week in ways I can't explain.
I will truly miss our church. We will never find a church like it ever again. There is just such a love in it that is truly unique. How grateful I have been to have been able to be a part of just such a church.

Today, I am busy packing. Getting stuff done, but then again, feeling quite overwhelmed that it may not be quite enough. So, maybe I need to get off this stupid contraption and get to work!!!! :0) But where's the fun in that. Actually, I am taking a much needed break. I seem to have been walking in circles. Leave one room to go get something, get halfway there, forget something else that I was going to bring out with me, go back, but turn around thinking I'll forget what I was originally going after then turning around again really wanting to pack the other thing and.........................well, you get the picture! So, I needed to sit down and just do nothing but type for a little bit and kinda gather my wits about me again! Later I do have to drag all 3 boys out to the store for a couple things.
Like school pants. Xavier will be going to a Christian school up in New York, which is very exciting for him being as he's been homeschooled for the last 3 years. But, he is in need of pants that aren't cargo's. Down here because even most of the public schools have uniforms, those pants (non-cargo's) are super duper easy to find, but not sure of the selection in NY. And I don't like to order clothes online cause I like to at least hold them up to see if they are close to the right size! So I get to go clothes shopping for the boy!
We are looking forward to our upcoming move, but every day I become more emotional about it cause it's starting to hit me that we are moving. And that we will be around family. We have been on our own and independent that I am unsure how we will fit in, mesh you might say, with everyone and definitely worried about finding a place to work in the church we will be going to. But I suppose that when you already are plugged in at one church, it is hard to imagine how easily we will plug in to another vastly different church! So I am a great big ball of hormonal emotions ~ but the great thing is ~ I know I'm not pregnant!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Down time

I am SSSOOOOOOOO ready for it. I spend my days packing/looking for jobs/packing. Then I get to rush around trying to get 3 little boys and myself ready for VBS!!! Then spend a lovely, but exhausting, night at vbs. I can tell I am so not as animated as I have been in the past. Pastor told me tonight it was just cause I am gettin' old. I don't consider that too nice ~ albeit right on the money!!!!!!!!
I am so emotional too right now! I cry just about everyday. Oh, well, that is what change is all about. Growing pains do hurt! I am so not wanting to leave, but know it is what is best for my family. So I will and knowing it is good and right won't make it easy, but it does help.
So many of my dear friends have asked to come and help me pack. And I so much appreciate it, but, my house has never been so ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ like disgusting I really don't want people to see my lack of housecleaning skills right now! And it has boxes everywhere we barely have room to walk!!!! So, if you are one of my dear friends who has offered ~ Thanks, and it's not that I would not love the company, I would be embarassed to have you see my house in the shap it's in! Love ya, though!
The boys are thoroughly enjoying VBS this year. I have been telling them every day ~ "the girls are gonna win the penny parade, so don't get disappointed when the boys lose and the girls win". Xavier especially couldn't handle it last year when the girls won. He just broke down and cried each time. Bless his sweet little heart. The boys lost by exactly 1 penny last year. So sad, but because of how involved they are I wanted to prepare them for the worst ~ the boys' biggest contributors have moved and usually I do what I can with as much as is available to me (I will usually give blank checks if need be ;) ), but Jesse has forbidden it this year since we are moving and all. So I have only contributed about a dollar per kid each night! Basically whatever change is lying around. And they are ready for the girls to win, but still get into the fun of it all! But ~ for the past 2 nights the boys have amazingly won ~ we are ahead by $37.99. It is shocking and astounding. We are so very excited, but know the hammer will soon drop. But it makes me happy. The girls out number the boys by almost 4 to 1, so it is rather shocking.
And it is so fun ~ I get into the whole boy/girl thing. Of course, since I have all boys, I get to be an honorary boy for VBS week. And it is fun, I sit with the boys and I scream for the boys side! I love it. I think everyone gets a real chuckle out of it too!!!!! I truly am going to miss it next year, but maybe I might be able to sneak back into town for it, who knows!
This week, I am teaching the Jr. (oldest class) class. I love it. I am not really all about the book, so I just use the material and make it into my own kinda lesson. I think it's fun. And for the past 2 nights I have had parents tell me that their children are truly enjoying my class and it's their favorite part of vbs. That just truly blesses me to know that I (as loud and boisterous and dorky as I am) am being used of God. PTL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, July 18, 2009

It's only just begun.............

Man, now I have that Karen Carpenter song in my head ~ We've only just begun..........To LLLIIIIIIIIIIVVVVEEE Haha ~ now you do too!!

Anywho, today has FINALLY started to settle down for me! We have been busy at church trying to get it all ready for VBS starting Monday. Not quite done yet ~ I've got a feeling it's gonna be a late night tomorrow night, then an early day Monday just to get it lookin' good! Oh, well, it will be worth it!!!!!!!! But it was a long, tiring day!

Yesterday, Jesse went and got a lot of boxes for me and I feel as if I've accomplished alot cause I got 10 boxes packed last night! Maybe I can motivate myself to get some more done tonight if I can just get 2 little munchkins down for the night ~ the 3rd has been down for quite awhile!

It finally is starting to feel real, now that I am getting starting on my packing. I'm so EXCITED! I'm one of those REALLY weird people who actually likes to move. I know!!! ;) Jesse's aunt emailed me pictures last night of our new apartment. It is small (we knew that) but it is only temporary until we can just get on our feet and established with jobs. So, Jesse is constantly on me about how much we can actually keep with us. It is so hard when I am packing to determine if I can live without something for a few months and what I absolutely MUST have. Then I have the boxes that have actual ? marks on them for "if I can keep them with me, it would be great, but if not, keep them handy while in the store room so I can get into them if need be". More than likely, Jesse will not be happy, but there are some things that I have to have/put up to just make it feel homey. So I guess the battle of wills will commence shortly!

I have alot of people questioning me (about why we are moving)because of everything they hear on the news about the layoffs and such. Here's the scoop ~ End of May, Jesse was given his pink slip saying he was gonna be laid off come July 31st. They have been trying to find the financing to save the road deputy jobs. None of the federal grants came through and aren't expected to come through. The Sheriff then asked all deputies to take non paid furlough's to donate the needed monies to save the road deputy jobs. The last day was July 16th. Guess what ~ on July 16th, word came down that enough furlough days were donated to save deputy jobs through September 30th. But here's the catch, ~ their layoff's weren't rescinded. They were just extended through the end of September. They were told in a similar meeting to the one on ones when the their pink slips were given to them that funds just aren't there to guarentee their jobs after September 30th, but that they were hoping some federal monies would be available by then. Jesse decided that we were moving before ~ but the decision was confirmed after that came to light. It is not the time to be messing around with unknowns. All we know is we have a job, a place to live, and a school for Xavier to go to that isn't a public school (public schools just aren't for us) and family to help take care of the other ones! We have to go where there is work available for us and that we can afford to survive.

We have truly loved our time in Florida ~ we love our church and our framily here. The winters are LOVERLY! But, apparently it's time to move on and we are ever so ready and excited to see what life has in store for us next.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Yep ~~~~~~~

Yep, we finally made the ultimate decision.
We are going to NEW YORK. I'm excited and nervous and anxious and............well, I will stop with all the synonyms! It truly was a decision that was hard to come to. Yes, we had already decided that NY is where we would go should it come to it. But, it came down today to having to juggle money that wasn't there with the bills that were ever looming and we knew what we had to do. We had to give up some stuff ~ like our lovely life in Florida, possibly our house back to the bank ~ to be able to keep other stuff ~ mostly, my sanity, our car, and our happy little family to be happy. One of the great lessons I have learned is that things don't matter. That no matter where I am and whatever situation I am in, I have learned that THINGS don't matter. Having my family happily together and not stressed out all the time is what matters the most.
Godliness with contentment is great gain and For I have learned that whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.
Paul goes on in Phil. 4 to say he knows how to be abased (dirt poor and humble) and how to abound (with riches). I know that it is difficult. But I want to be an example to my kids of God's grace to get us through anything and to be content no matter where God's grace puts me.
I have learned that my family needs me to not be so stressed. Which for the past few months, I have been stressed beyond my capabilities to digest it. It has hurt my relationship (not irrepairably) with my husband ~ we just seem to be nit picky with each other ~ and with my kids. I spent all my time looking at jobs ~ first few weeks I put out many hundreds of resume's of Jesse's down here and I have done that plus some for up north. Xavier told me the other day that he misses me playing with him. Now that we are settled on this issue, I feel more peaceful and able to just stop and play with them.
I am NOT expecting a bed of roses when we get there. I know that I will be working full time and so will Jesse and he will probably be going to college and we won't be seeing each other as much, but knowing that we won't have to juggle money as much will take a very large and heavy load off of me. And knowing that he isn't the only one being expected to bring in money to support our family will take alot of stress out on him too. Our minds will rest a little better at night knowing we have made the best possible decision available for the best interest of our family. I know it will be rough, but it's nothing that other people haven't had to go through. And, having family around to help us with the boys will make a world of difference.
But I am sad that I am leaving my framily and our church. We decided to tell everyone today because we didn't want to spring it on them 2 days before we pulled out! I'm getting teary just thinking about our last service. It will be hard and tearful. I am so thankful that I get to teach one last time at our VBS. I told Jenn that it was a good send off!
I am so grateful for our church. My two youngest boys were born here while in this church. My church family showered each of them with love and gifts. And prayed for each of us. All three of my boys were dedicated and prayed over by our wonderful Pastor. When Gunner was born and had to be in the NICU for 8 days, we had people praying for our little fighter nonstop. My wonderful church family made sure we had 2 1/2 weeks of food sent to our house so we could concentrate on our little sick boy and the joy of him being home. They have loved on each of my children in ways unfathomable to most. My children are so loved by our framily at church. I know they will miss our loved ones here and will be missed in return.
I know I will miss being able to work in a music ministry the way I've been able to here. I can definitely say I will miss the lovely oak baby grand steinway ~ do you think they'd miss it if I snuck it out????!!!!!!!!!!! ;) I shall miss our monthly ladies meetings and annual ladies retreats. I am sure gonna miss our occasional nights out. I will miss being loved and loving on all of our framily here. We do our best to make up for the family most of us don't have here and we do a pretty good job of it. I will miss everyone deeply, in my soul.
But I know God has something great in store for us ~ I just wish I knew what! Oh, well, Patience is a virtue that I am slowly becoming aware of!

It's official

It's official ~ We are moving to New York at the end of the month. We are saddened but excited.
I will update later as we are walking out the door right now!

Monday, July 13, 2009

Cool Stuff

I have been visiting some of my friends blogs and am finding some really cool stuff! LOVE it! Keeps me busy and my mind off of stuff! Thanks, friends!

Smooth Sailing

For the last couple of days, life has been pretty even keeled for me. I decided on Thursday to just hash it out and I finally turned it over to God. All our answers aren't things that we can answer. We have to wait. I finally feel as if I am being antsy-ly (I know that's not a word) patient. I am content in this massive holding pattern we are in.
We found out on Friday that the grant to save the deputies won't be in till late September-ish. And they are trying to get road deputies to donate work days (which means they would be on unpaid furlough days) to help save jobs. I don't think it will happen. I mean, I can't imagine too many deputies would be able to take off days of work just to save a job. Maybe it will, but I doubt it. Except for the other deputies jobs, I am really hoping it doesn't. I want to move. I REALLY want to move by the end of the month. But I just plan on letting God work it all out, cause no matter how much effort I put into it, I sure can't.
We went out to dinner after church with some friends and went to cracker barrel. LOVE that place. But they already had all the fall decorations out and it really gave me the itch to be in the north come fall. Autumn is my most favorite season. I love the sights and sounds and smells of autumn. And it never feels it in South Florida. I'm so ready to see the beautiful colors of the trees, rake leaves and jump with my boys in the hugest pile ever. Burn them and smell the crisp autumn chill with the scent of the burning leaves. I'm ready to wear sweatshirts and long sleeved tee's without breaking into a huge sweat-mess because it's autumn that's what you wear. I haven't had any coats out in at least 3 years. I'm anxious to go to an apple orchard and pick apples and go home and make apple crisp and homemade apple sauce. I'm anxious to wear a pair of gloves, use my scarves and jackets, wear a cute hat and go traipsing through a pumpkin patch and pick out several pumpkins to decorate my house with ~ not like last year when we wore shorts, a tank and flipflops to pick out our pumpkins. I am anxious to actually have to dress warm to go trick or treating. And, open windows and let the fresh air in. Bake a thanksgiving turkey and be able to step outside to cool off when it gets too hot in the kitchen.

In just a few short weeks, the desires of my heart has completely changed. I wasn't able to picture us living anywhere but South Florida 2 months ago; now, I don't know how we will ever survive. I want to feel the seasons change. I feel in my life, the long, dry hot summer is over and it's time to get on with life. I'm ready for change ~ not political change ~ life altering, emotional, change. I want to be by family and have my kids know them and them to know my kids. I want to be there when Great Gramma Berg graduates to Glory. I want my kids to know her before that happens. I want to meet my grand-nephew (or neice). I want to meet the 2 neice and nephews I have never met before. I want to be there when baby Pyne number 4 makes his appearance, and hold and cuddle him. I want to be close enough to my family to be able to drive it in a day! Or them be able to drive up and see us. I've had my summer. I've had my independence. Now's the time to be with family.
May God grant it to be so!

Thursday, July 9, 2009


I cannot even begin to explain how much I love my husband. I never even thought I would ever love him this much. It was incomprehensible. But, he is the most wonderful man.
You know, when you go through hard times, that is when you see how strong your marriage really is. And from where I am sitting (in my life, not necessarily at my 'puter ;0) ) I am blessed to say that I have a very strong marriage. I don't think I have hugged my husband so much than I have in the past few days. I just need to have him hold me in his strong arms cause that is where I feel safe.
Today was a very emotionally trying day. I have cried alot over the past few days. And many of those tears fell today. I couldn't hold my frustration in any longer. I am so stressed and anxious and nervous and terrified and ...............................................well, you get the picture. And today I took it all out on him! I was angry when I was talking to him and the tears were burning as they were falling ~ I know I looked like a disaster. I just kept saying the same thing to him that I have been saying over the past few weeks ~ "if you 'say'(said in the most sarcastic of voices) we are leaving and going to New York, then lets just do it and be done with it." And he is ever the voice of reasoning {which at these type of moments just adds fuel to my fire} "We aren't going anywhere unless I have a job right now, and only when July 31st comes and there's nothing, then we'll go" Good point and very valid, unless you are a highly emotional woman who wants everything done when I want it done, then it is just a stupid, absurd, maddening philosophy. So I storm off, knocking things off side tables as I go. I have anger issues ~ I'll be the first to admit it ~ and my anger is just not pretty. Really, is anyones? But I guess that is the nature of that emotion. And because caustic remarks keep coming to mind, I go back in the room and start railing on him ~ all this while trying to brush my teeth. I have never claimed to be rational!!!!
But I am also sobbing while trying to yell, brush my hair and brush my teeth. My head hurts from yanking on my hair so hard! But after a little while, I realize what I said and I do make my apologies. And as he is sitting there and I am begging his forgiveness, he just wraps his arms around my waist and says "of course." Then say that he understands and hardly ever takes my little rants too seriously. It just bothers him cause he knows my blood pressure is probably at unhealthy levels. Which is probably not too far from the truth!
But he is just an awesome husband. I know alot of men would angrily reply to their wives or take it to heart. But my Jesse knows my heart! I love that about him. He knows I was just speaking out of frustration and he forgives that weakness in me. That used to happen a whole lot, but it truly has been ages since either of us has been so keyed up. l
Tonight we had a very much needed Ladies meeting at church. I love our monthly ladies fellowship dinners. And tonight our two lovely deacon's wives shared their hearts with me. And shared their testimonies of when they or their husbands have went through the same things we have been going through ~ job loss, financial hardships, uncertainty. And they were so loving and sweet and just encouraged me to just trust the great heart of my Father who knows when the sparrow falls. Mrs Flynn just said something offhanded that hit me "HE knows". And HE does. Why is it so hard to trust the great God Almighty who owns the cattle on a thousand hills. Who owns the wealth in every mine. Why is it so hard to trust HIS heart to take care of me and my family's needs. It is nothing for HIM to do it. HE's already shown me that HE will give me whatever I need. HE gave me HIS SON for my eternal soul. What's a few thousand to HIM. In the great scope of life, these hard ships won't mean a hill of beans, only how we have reacted to HIM and trusted HIS heart. May my faith be strengthened by sweet Mrs. Flynn ~ "HE knows".

I'm a song kinda girl and the song "Bow the Knee" by Chris Machen and Mike Harland (which just so happens to be on my playlist) has made me cry and cry today. Take a listen and here are the lyrics. Very appropriate for me right now! Such a blessing

There are moments on our journey following the Lord
Where God illumines ev’ry step we take.
There are times when circumstances make perfect sense to us,
As we try to understand each move He makes.
When the path grows dim and our questions have no answers, turn to Him.

Bow the knee;
Trust the heart of your Father when the answer goes beyond what you can see.
Bow the knee;
Lift your eyes toward heaven and believe the One who holds eternity.
And when you don’t understand the purpose of His plan,
In the presence of the King, bow the knee.

There are days when clouds surround us, and the rain begins to fall,
The cold and lonely winds won’t cease to blow.
And there seems to be no reason for the suffering we feel;
We are tempted to believe God does not know.
When the storms arise, don’t forget we live by faith and not by sight.


Wednesday, July 8, 2009


My mind is all hazy. I am an utter emotional mess. I have so many thoughts wreaking havoc in my mind that I can't sort it all out, but that is what my blog is for ~ one day, maybe I will look back and understand cause it's for sure that at this moment, I dont at all.

Well, where do I begin ~

I really have no one I can talk to. My mom (who I talk to about everything) doesn't yet know about us moving to NY, so she's out. Jesse just gets frustrated and snipe-y. My sister, we're not that close, and I doubt she'd understand our reasons. My friends here just get all "oh, no, you can't leave." and they are praying for me to stay here.
I just can't explain it. I have this sudden..................................need to be there. It's deep, and it's unexplainable. But I just feel the urgent need to move to new york. I don't understand it. I've never had the desire to. And it scares the freakin' bejeebers out of me to move there. We have never really lived (as a couple before) near family. We've always been so independent and I've loved that about us. But since Jesse got his layoff notice, a fire started in me to go to new york and it has only grown.
And like I said, I don't understand it.
We are very active members in the greatest church in America (the world, really). It's not huge, but it isn't too small. It's diverse in ages, ethnicity and talents. I am so blessed that I get to be part of the volunteer staff. I get to be part of the music ministry. A vital part ~ I am the church pianist. And have been for 3 years fulltime. And I L-O-V-E love it. I am blessed by it. I love doing it. It is demanding, but I don't mind. I love that I get to play the beautiful oak steinway baby grand every Sunday and Wednesday and on special days too! And I get to participate in our ladies meetings (usually, I'm the first one in line to eat!) And we are right now in the process of preparing for VBS in 2 weeks. I love being with the people in our church. They aren't just people I go to church with. They are people I love. They aren't just acquaintances. We are framily (friends who are as dear as family). We spend our holidays together. Fourth of July Fish Fry's, Labor day picnics, Memorial Day picnics. On Thanksgiving (my 2nd most favorite holiday ~ 4th of July is my fave) because most of us don't have immediate family in the area, we spend our Turkey days at church ~ A couple of us do a few turkeys, and a ham, bring sides and desserts and we have Thanksgiving dinner with our framily. Then after dinner, we break out the games for those of us who decide to stay all day and into the late night!!!!!! Our church framily is so important to us.
I don't understand why we are being led to move to a church that already has workers, so therefore, we won't be able to be as plugged in in the ways I love to serve in. The church we attend already has a pianist, why do i have to leave my "job"? I don't know, but I do know that I have this new deep seated need to move to be around family. And it hurts me to know that I will be leaving this framily whom we love dearly and know better than our own family. I don't understand.
I don't think that Jesse truly wants to go. Every time we talk about it, I get the feeling that he'd rather stay. Okay, I get it. But, our whole married life (all 9 1/2 years of it ;0 ) have been spent doing what he wants. He wanted to go in the Marine Corps 3 months after we got married. I didn't like it at first, but fell in love with the Corps life. After his first enlistment, he decided to get out and I was all on board, and uprooted myself and son to start making the necessary arrangements. While overseas, he decided to re-enlist after telling (no, not asking my opinion) telling me that he was going to reenlist. I wasn't happy about it, but supported him, cause that's what wives do. He got stationed in the last place I wanted to live. But enjoyed it while we were there. He then decided to get out of the Corps against what I wanted and stay where we are now. WHATEVER. Out comes the supportive wife role. He wanted to go into law enforcement. NOT my idea, but I swear, he has a hero complex, but I made it very clear that he could, only if he got hired at a few certain cities departments, and made it VERY clear I didn't want him on at the sheriff's office. Guess where he ends up working ~ as a deputy Sheriff. {And this is where we come in with the lay offs} Granted, they were the only place that hired him at that point, but still, the fact remains that {I feel} all decisions were made contrary to my feelings. And to some extent, so is this one. He really would rather stay here, and yes, I understand it. I am not a horrible spoiled rotten brat. But it sure would be nice every once in a while for my opinion to be heard and taken into consideration and maybe followed just a bit.
Do I want to move, totally? No. I hate the thought of leaving my church and framily behind ~ we will never again find a church like ours. But, I have this overwhelming desire to be in New York. And I don't know why.
I have been wondering lately if I am sick and don't know it, or if someone we love is. And it is our chance to just be with family that we haven't spent much time with. Maybe thats it.
I worry about what it will be like if we do move there. What will our life be like? How will family relations work? Will they be helpful to us? Can I be of use there? Will we all get along decently? Just so much goes through my head that I worry and wonder about, but I have decided that everything is going to be put in God's most capable hands. I don't know if that will stop my pea-brain from overanalyzing things. More than likely not! But, HE'll work them out in due time, I suppose. I just hate that I have to wait and see. That KILLS me. Patience is NOT my strong suit.
All I know is that I would love to see the seasons again ~ the four seasons, winter spring summer and FALL. Not just the two seasons ~ wet Hurricane season and dry season. And that I didn't get a chance to grow up around family. The "ministry" took us away most of the time, so I don't really know my extended family all that well. And I want my kids to grow up with their cousins and know their aunts, uncles, grandparents, great- aunts, uncles, and gramma's. I just hope it's possible!

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Another day!

It's another long day. It started WAY too early. J gets to bring his cruiser home today so I had to drop him off. Wouldn't be so bad if it hadn't been us (including all 3 boys) leaving the house about 5:15. We all just laid down after we got home around 6:45 a.m. and just now woke up. It was a nice little nap. I could've slept longer, but we are needing to go to church and do more work on VBS schtuff.

Our church's VBS is in 2 1/2 weeks. We are just now getting started on the decorations. Which is horrible. Generally we start working on all the painting and such in March and VBS is in July every year. Saying we are behind is a total understatement. We are desparately scrambling to get a few things done and that is all we will have to be happy with this year.

J has an awesome job possibility. But it's in New York. Which I am totally okay with. He might hear something about it today. We are keeping our fingers crossed and hopefully it may be something. Jesse keeps saying the pay has to be right, cause we will still have to pay our mortgage down here (unless a hurricane comes and blows it to pieces, which wouldn't bother me) and pay rent and all those pesky things we call bills. So yes, if the pay is right. I will still have to get a job cause it's difficult carrying a mortgage that you aren't living in. It's HARD! We have friend who have had to do it and it wasn't fun for any involved, but it is survivable.

T has a dr. appointment today with a specialist about possibly getting tubes in his ears. He has had some significant hearing loss in both ears, but one ear has improved a little bit. So hopefully we can get some tubes in and that may help him hear better. But this morning he has a bit of a fever and just not feeling well. Camp last week took it out of him and I don't think he has quite recovered yet.

I am needing today to get X's school papers out to get them in on time. I may just need to overnight them there. We'll see. It's much cheaper to pay $10 to ship them than $75 for a late fee! So I will be doing that today. He did well on his evaluation yesterday. He's on the higher end of his grade level. Which is awesome!

So as of right now, I am just sitting here twiddling my thumbs and getting irritated at not knowing what is going on with my life. I hate waiting! It's not my strong suit ~ which could be translated that I'm NOT patient. But I am learning to trust God more through this, so maybe I am learning patience. And, last night my pastor preached on what I needed. All the hardships of this life ~ financial concerns, job concerns, health concerns ~ won't matter when Jesus comes. And it's so true. We'll look back from Heaven and realize we paid too much attention to the things that really don't matter. But, right now those hardships consume us. But I need to refocus on the things that matter ~ taking as many people as possible to heaven with me. Cause Christ is coming soon and HE'll take care of our earthly needs until then. So it was a good sermon and one I needed!