Saturday, December 29, 2012


After Christmas, I always feel a little down.  Then I take my Christmas decorations down (which I started to do today ~ tree is all done) and I start to get excited to look forward to the new year.  I always and excitement as I think of leaving one year behind to get to another!  And, I, like so many people, start the new year with the most wonderful intentions and usually Jan. 2nd comes around and I'm all "Resolutions?!?!  What?!?!"  Hahahaha ~ know what I mean?!

So, this year, I am tired of making the cliche, frivolous resolutions.  I did pretty good with the last year, and I am planning on doing it again.  I'm going to choose a word to work on.  My word/phrase last year was "Know" and my goal was to get to know Him better.  And, I can walk away from 2012 humbled by what I learned in my pursuit of getting to know God better.

Some of the things I walked through privately or even publicly brought me to a sweeter recognition of seeing the hand of God in my life.  I started the year in a completely broken disheveled mess.  And, I sought God.  I sought to know His heart better this year, and I'm so pleased to know that I'm ending 2012 not so broken, still pretty disheveled but the chaos of it doesn't overwhelm me as much.  I'm so glad that there came a point where I can see that when I worship ~ privately or corporately ~ that I can finally start to let Him be "the lifter of my head".  That, now the tears that flow as I worship Him come from such an overwhelming feeling of having seen His hand move in my life and an overwhelming feeling of His grace.  When I started the year, the tears would fall just simply because I was too broken to feel any of it.  I was writhing in the agony of not knowing how to connect with Him.  I was His, but somewhere along the line, I lost that "first love", I guess you could say.  And, I missed Him.  So, I determined that I would get to Know Him again.  And I'm so glad I did.

I'm so grateful for His grace that He extends to me each and every day.  I'm not perfect.  I start Bible studies and get discouraged if I "get behind" so I just let it go.  But, I'm determined to not let that stop me this year!  I'm excited to be helping lead a Bible study on Friday mornings this winter and I am joining an online Bible study.  I have started in the worship band at my church, so I only get to go to my Sunday school class every other Sunday, but I love it and can't wait to find out tomorrow what our next study will be!!

So, tomorrow, I start looking at school stuff and determining what all needs to be done this semester, try to get a workable schedule that we can stick to.  Along with some sort of chore schedule that I would love to start, I'm just not that organized to do it, unless it's idiot proof and fail proof.  Hahahaha ~ I would still find some way to fail with it, because I am just that talented!  So, bring on the New Year.  I'm ready for you, 2013!!  Because I know He is there and He knows and I can trust Him.

New Year

So, tonight as I sit here, playing with Christmas present that I just got today (a Nikon D3100 ~ what what?!).  I'm playing with all sorts of different things on my camera, reading blog after blog about it, and playing with my photo editing software.  And I don't know what is harder ~ the camera or the software.....

My tree is still up.  Probably going to start taking it down tomorrow.  I'm so ready to get my living room back.  And my bedroom too, for that matter.  We had to move the huge oversized recliner to our room, which didn't have hardly any room to begin with.  So, I'm really ready to just be done with the Christmas decor.   Although, I will be sad because the lights are so pretty, but you know, I'm ready for it to be gone!

And, we are making plans for new years.  We are going to some very dear friends' house and just going to have fun!  I'm so looking forward to it!  Yay!   Jesse is off and we are going to have a fun night!

And I am looking forward to 2013.  I will say 2012 did NOT end the way I thought it would in many aspects.  But, I have made peace with that.  God knows and He is here and moving and working, so I am learning to trust His heart.  And 2013 is full of possible changes.  Some, I'm just not sure about.   I'm hoping that we can buy a house, but it also means we very much could be moving out of state, once again.  I used to not mind it, the moving.  But the older I get, the more I just want a place to call my own.  The desire to have a "home" for my boys to finish growing up in.    So, I'm ready to get to our forever home.  I'm NOT looking forward to leaving the people we are growing to love and a church we love.  But, I know that God knows and He is preparing people and places for us!  And, maybe we won't have to go anywhere.  That would be ideal.

And I'm dreading starting school back up again.  Seriously!  I'm not your normal homeschooler.  I dread every single school day.  But, that's life.   Although, I do have to start cracking the whip and getting back into a schedule.  Which, I think, helps with the dreading of the school day.  I need to have the guys concentrate on some memorization this semester, so, I need to work on that too.  It's just a challenge for me.  And I don't like being challenged.  Lol

So, those are just a couple thoughts on the upcoming new year!  What are your plans?  As long as mine include these 3 (and their dad) I'm good!  Aren't they cute?!

Tuesday, December 25, 2012


How was your Christmas?  I don't think I have blogged since Thanksgiving.  I have to be completely honest with you, I have such a mixed bag of emotions when it comes to Christmas.  I have this complete love/hate relationship with it.  I love the true meaning of it, grateful for what it means.  But I absolutely loathe the "give me/I want" of it.  And, that's even of me.

I have been blessed with a good childhood.  It wasn't without it's pains and troubles.  We weren't rich, but, in my memory, we never lacked.  I recall stories of how poor we were, but I for one never fully "felt" it.  And I gotta say, that on Christmas, it was magical.  I still to this day have a deep seated love for Santa Claus ~ he always seemed to come through for me ;) .  I recall, usually around July or August, I would look through every toy catalog I could get my hands on and I would make a list for "the Big Guy" that would go on for miles.  And, I'm beginning to see that bit of me in my boys.  I don't think that I quite "got" what it was supposed to be about.  Please, don't think badly of my parents, they taught me what Christmas was all about.  But even some of the most well grounded people I know don't quite get it.  We know, but there's a huge difference between knowing it and getting it.

And I recall that while my mom would make Christmas merry in our house, I can remember that many years she always had "the blues" if not down right deep depression during this "most wonderful time of the year".  And, I never understood it.  But now as I am a mom with kids who call this "the most wonderful time of the year"  I totally get it.  I totally get how a mom gets the blues.  I totally get how the making merry is for some of us a most burdensome drudgery.  I get it.  I feel it.  I don't fully understand, but I'm seeing it and I get it.  Because I feel it.  And I have no shame in saying I loathe it.  I want to feel the magic and be merry.  But, I don't.

And I want to change that.  I don't think it's a matter of spirituality.  I think it is a matter of focus.  I have been reading some blogs about this.  And all through next year, I am going to be working on changing my focus for Christmas.  And I'm going to work on changing the focus of my entire family about Christmas.  I'm learning that it's okay to want things and it's okay to voice those desires, but when those desires change our focus, that is where we run into trouble.  And so, I will be working on this.

So, in the spirit of what this season is all about here is one of my favorite Christmas songs of this season.

And if you are aching in your soul for a different kind of Christmas, for a glimpse of peace for your Christmas, may I suggest you visit this blog and read as much as you can.  A Holy Experience ~ it is a place of peace.  Ann Voskamp is a marvelous writer.  And have your speakers on, for the music on this blog is so peaceful.  When I feel myself reeling and fragile, I go and read my Bible, and listen.  And then I read her words.  Comfort and encouragement are there.  And exactly what I needed this Christmas season!  Hoping you can benefit too!

May your heart find peace and be blessed with a peaceful New Year!