Thursday, September 23, 2010

Four Weeks

That's all it's been.
It's so hard to believe. I still cannot wrap my mind around the fact that Christine is gone. Sometimes, I still just sit and weep knowing that my children will no longer be able to spend time with her. The holidays are forever gonna be altered. Our lives are just irrevocably changed. And it hurts to have had this part of our lives ripped apart. But, it just makes me ever more grateful for the promise of Heaven.

In this last month, this song has been going through my head and my heart.

Knowing You'll Be There

The other day I passed the place,
You always liked to go
And I picked up the phone because,
I thought you'd want to know.
But I forgot you weren't there,
I miss you all these days.
That I'm reminded of your smile
And the funny things you'd Say.
I see you most at christmas, you were like, a little kid
You always loved a good surprise, and now I must admit,
That I long more for Heaven than I ever did before
You give me one more reason, and each day I want it more.

Knowing we can spend a life time reminiscing on the past,
Knowing I will see your face again where tender moments last
it makes me wanna go there
Knowing I wont be alone
Kowing you'll be there
Mkes it easy to go home

You left a group of fishermen
Somehow, you left me too
Though I have felt you many times,
I know you saw me through
I always long to feel your arms
And look into your eyes,
And talk foever me and you
Somewhere in paradise

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Poor husband

My poor husband ~
I tell ya ~ He got the raw end of the deal.
I am SO not a great housewife. I am mediocre at best. BUT ~ I'm learning AND trying!
You'd think that after 10 years, I'd be and expert. And I was ~ way back when. I had some pretty mad cleaning skills. But that was back when we only had one, and for some time after we had our second. But let me tell ya, baby number 3, he killed my ability to keep a clean house. He is SO active. ALWAYS on the go. And he wears me out.
But, I recognize that my housecleaning skills have went down the crapper recently. And from what I have always heard ~ recognizing there is a problem is the first step :D And I am working on that.
Now, not that I'm making excuses, mind you ;) ~ But I do have 3 boys, homeschool, and have a husband with odd hours. And let me tell you ~ and it's not like you don't already know ~ but being a homeschooling SAHM of 3 boys (one who is super duper active) is like having a gazillion full time jobs.
I am SO NOT looking forward to Jesse's upcoming "deployment". He'll be leaving at an undisclosed time {not gonna post it online} for police academy at an undisclosed location :D.
I just hope that when he returns, he will find 3 still alive children (the ones he left behind, preferably :D ) and a still semi sane wife to greet him. And hopefully a clean house to boot!

And here is a song that has been running over my head all day long ~ AWESOME song. And awesome CD. I got it from my friend Kelly! Thanks!

Sing over Me ~ by Bethany Dillon

I live in the wonder of Your love
You rise like the sun in my heart
Even when the night draws near to me
There You are

I will wade in the water of mercy
I will walk in the light of Your will
Whatever should come against me
Teach me to be still
As you

Sing over me
Draw me close to rest in Your peace
Sing over me
Oh, sing

Sing of Your unending faithfulness
That knows no doubt or fear
In the face of all that I don't know yet
Remind me of who You are

You are mighty
You will save
Rejoice over me with singing
You will quiet
By Your love
Glory over me with singing

Monday, September 6, 2010


For the last week and a half, my life feels like it has been a whirlwind. But at times, it feels as if time is standing still.

It is so hard to belief that Christine is gone from our presence. We are blessed to know that she is laughing and flying and worshipping her Saviour, but for me, it is bittersweet. I so wish she were still here with us, but I know God has a purpose and plan for this. I do not understand, but I am willing to trust the heart of God to know HE would never maliciously hurt and wound us. It's hard, but I trust HIM.

It's weird getting back to life. Life will be forever altered. But today starts another day that we just continue to live our lives and be forever blessed by having had a year with Christine.

The boys started school back up today ~ yes, those moans and groans you heard were from my boys. They only had a few classes to do today, being as they got let out of school early on August 25th. I didn't want the babysitter to have to hear them gripe and complain! I like people to think of my kids as angels :D, so I have to bribe as much as possible!

Jesse went back to work on Thursday and he works today. He has off Tuesday and Wednesday, then back to work at Rome Labs until Saturday. That is his last day there. On Monday, Sept 13th, he is starting his new job at the Syracuse VA hospital as a police officer there. Sometime in October, he leaves at some point for an 8 week police academy in Little Rock, Arkansas. Not necessarily lookin' forward to that ~ Yes, Jesse, I said that! {inside joke, especially since I don't think he reads my blog!} But, I believe I can survive him being gone stateside for 8 weeks if I can survive multiple deployments, sometimes to undisclosed locations!

I am busy trying to get motivated to get my basement cleaned. I had started at the beginning of summer, then got busy doing other things. I REALLY need to finish it before cold weather, cause I do NOT want to be known in the rodent community that I just opened a hotel for them. *shudder* And since Jesse will be gone soon, I gotta use him while I have him!

So, that is our life right now. I really like posting songs to each blog. So, I shall again! Here are the words to the song I referenced earlier. It is an awesome song!

All things work for our good
though sometimes we can't see how they could
struggles that break our hearts in two
sometimes blinds us to the truth

Our Father knows what's best for us
His ways are not our own
So when your pathway grows dim, and you just can't see Him
Remember you're never alone

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When you don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His heart

He sees the master plan
And He holds our future in His hands
So don't live as those who have no hope
All our hope is found in Him

We see the present clearly
But He sees the first and the last
And like a tapestry He's weaving you and me to someday be just like Him

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When you don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His heart

He alone is faithful and true
He alone knows what is best for you
So when you don't understand
When you don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand trust His heart