Friday, February 26, 2010

As I assume.......

most of my readers are mostly women, and mostly moms.

So, this kinda goes along with my last post ~

What is the one verse you find yourself quoting to your children the most? And what is the verse you cling to as a mom?

The first question is an easy one for me ~
Ephesians 4:32
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

I find too often that kids can just plain be MEAN. And it is a verse I often find myself quoting to remind me to be kind to my little guys. It's one of the first verses that the guys memorize.
There are so many parts to it ~ it emphasizes I think all aspects of life ~ Doing good and being kind to others, keeping your heart soft and open, no matter what, forgiving when others have wronged you, and in brief outlines salvation. The way I explain that to my little men is that God models this behaviour to uss all. But HE doesn't have to. And HE doesn't do it for us or because of who we are or how we live. HE is kind, tenderhearted and forgiving because of Christ's sacrifice on the cross. And if God can forgive us for having caused Christ's death, then why can't we forgive our friend for saying something mean to us, and continuing to be kind and not say mean things back. I love this verse for little ones. But I also love it for me in every aspect of my life. But it is a HARD verse to live!

The next verse that I cling to as a mom is a little more difficult to pinpoint. But, I like I Thes. 5:24
Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it.

I will be the first and the fastest to admit that I am not the best mom out there. I don't think I would even qualify myself as a good mom. I'm okay, and that's all I will admit to. My kids, claim different, but they don't see all my faults. and they are kids after all!!!!!!!!!
But, I believe with all my heart that being a mom (I say especially to little boys, but in no way belittling mothering girls!) is a pretty tough job. But I further believe that being a true God-fearing Christian mom, is even tougher. And I see it as a calling. And when I get discouraged about how horrible of a mom I am and can't understand why God, in HIS infinite wisdom and judgement, allowed 3 sweet little souls to entrusted to MY care, this verse speaks to me. HE never gives us more than we can handle. And as long as I look to HIM for wisdom, mercy and grace, HE will be faithful to keep me going on. HE's the one who knows who I am that NOBODY else knows and what I can and can't handle. HE's faithful and HE will do it ~ if I let HIM work through me, HE will be the one that raises my children. I'm just the tool. I'm just the vessel.
And I'll admit, sometimes ~ a lot of times ~ I forget that and try to do everything on my own and that is when I get discouraged and downhearted and don't feel worthy of these sweet little beings. And then I come across this verse (or the many like it in the Bible) and get refreshed and renewed knowing that HE called me to be my 3 guys' mom and that HE will do it through me!

So...................... what are you're verses?

Saturday, February 20, 2010

thoughts for today

I know I don't have many readers, but I still want to hear those of you who do ~

What are your marriage verses?

Today, I have been married 10 years and a day! And like I said in my last blog post, there have been many ups and downs. The biggest challenge that our marriage has survived, I would probably say, is when I had my stroke.
I COULDN'T remember anything about my life. I woke up to the face of a man I didn't know. I looked in a mirror and couldn't remember my name. I COULDN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING.
How scary is that. It was uber scary. It was hard for Jesse to hear the E.R. doc say that I just had a break with reality and was just insane (clinically insane). No other tests, just wanted to committ me to a state mental facility. SCARY.
Scary for Jesse to check me out of the hospital AMA and the next day, the ONLY thing he could do was put me on an airplane by myself to my parents. He couldn't go with me ~ he was still in Marine Corps MOS training and they wouldn't let him leave or live off base. He couldn't let me live by myself in my house, so he had to just totally trust God and get me back to my parents. And it was weird and scary for me.
Scary, knowing that more than likely he wouldn't see me for months and worrying how that would affect our relationship. Not that it mattered to me, I didn't remember so I was weirdly glad to go. Then it was awkard and weird as I walked past my own mother in the airport, hearing someone (my mom) yelling a name (mine) down the terminal and just thinking hope she finds whoever. Well, she did and it was me!
Weird living with people I didn't know. I pretty much stayed in the room they let me stay in.
I cannot even begin to explain everything I went through.
All I know is that I didn't want to stay married to someone I didn't know or who even made the effort to get to know the apparently "new" me. At one point ~ I told him I was done, and that I was securing an attorney to end this disaster of a WEIRD marriage and free him. By this time, we had just found out I was pregnant with Xavier. My pastor's wife at the time ~ such a Godsent blessing she was for me, she didn't know who I "used" to be, therefore, just accepted who I was then ~ she prayed with and for me so much and just encouraged me to just seek God.
So it was after I told Jesse I was done, that Jesse told me, Okay, but I will always be there to take care of you and the baby. He's such an awesome man. I was so mean and nasty and cruel to him and he just loved me and tried his best to keep up a brave face and be supportive of WHATEVER I wanted. But, he was going to uphold his vows ~ for better for worse, in sickness and in health. I will always love him for that.
But I was reading my Bible one night in Ephesians and I found the verses that encouraged me to stay married to this stranger to me. Which the first verse is our wedding anniversary!
Eph. 2:19-22

Now therefore ye are no more strangers and foreigners, but fellowcitizens with the saints, and of the household of God; And are built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ himself being the chief corner stone; In whom all the building fitly framed together groweth unto an holy temple in the Lord: In whom ye also are builded together for an habitation of God through the Spirit.

We weren't strangers ~ in Christ, we are of the same household of God. And as such, we ~ Jesse and I and our marriage ~ were put together by HIM. And as such, it didn't matter what happened to us, God put us together and as long as we kept HIM the chief cornerstone, our marriage was fitly framed together to be an Holy habitation for HIM. That through us, HE might get all the praise and glory and Honor HE so richly deserves.

We are far from perfect, but we get each other and that is all that counts! But I am so thankful for God giving me those verses (which are GREATLY out of context for marriage to anyone but me ;) ). And I am ever so grateful for a loving, kind, faithful-to-his-vows husband that he has been!

So ................... what are your marriage verses?!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

So, do you know where you were 10 years ago?

I DO!!!!!!!! That's right, I was at my wedding rehearsal (get it, I DO!) ;)
There was this horrible blizzard. People were driving in from NY and from Indiana and from Wisconsin. And alot couldn't make it. Jesse's roomate from College Clifton Lewis was supposed to be a groomsman and he couldn't make it. Jesse's aunt and uncles and grandmother was supposed to be driving in from NY, but Gramma got ill and they had to turn around. AND IT WAS COLD AND SNOWY! My sister barely made it from Wisconsin. The night before, Jesse's best man and groomsman (his 2 best friends growing up) were flying in and the weather was awful so they got diverted or they were put on a different airline or something so Jeff and Matt were wandering in O'Hare and Jesse and seth couldn't find them! Who gets married in winter anyways!

But it was fun! I had a grand time. And it was beautiful.
My theme was simple ~ I loved the Kim Anderson figures, so that was my cake topper, toasting glasses, cake knife and where I gotthe idea for my colors.
My colors were silver black and red. The groomsmen, fathers, and ushers were in Black tux's with silver ties, vests and red rose boutinierres (sp?). My bridesmaids wore black velvet tops with a simple silver skirt and carried single red roses.
I'm a musician, so I had that little detail planned out ~ way in advance. I made the pianist a book and put in it every song I wanted played in the prelude, processional specials and recessionals. The mothers walked in on Brians Song (the one from the movie of the football star), the bridesmaids walked in to Anne's theme (from Anne of Green Gables) and I of course to the bridal march. I had 3 songs sung in the wedding. From this Moment ~ friends of ours sang it. Jesse and I sang Jim Brickman's Destiny ( :') ) and I wrote a song and sang it to Jesse!
It was a VERY lovely wedding.

The reception was done in TONS of white icicle lights and was just a cake and punch reception. We wanted it to be SHORT. But we were requested to open gifts before we left which TOTALLY dragggggggggggggggggged it out. So, unlike what we wanted to , we didn't get to leave till around 10:30ish pm. YUCK. but oh, well!

Looking back at pictures of where we were back then ~ skinny scrawny "babies" to where we are now, it makes me smile. It's been a very rough 10 years. Lots has happened. Mostly good things, some not so good. But I am so thankful for all those steps ~ sure and steady, to the unstable and scary.

And here we are 10 years later. Still together. Still like (let alone, LOVE) each other. Not as young or inexperienced or green as we once were, but older and hopefully a little wiser and able to roll with the punches a little better.
10 years is a long time ~ we've been married for a stinkin' DECADE. WOW! But what's even more amazing is that I can't wait to be married to him for another 10 decades!!!!!!!!!! Oh, how I love him. I'm very grateful that he chose to marry me!
My friend, the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Saturday Evening Post

No, seriously, this is a post on this Saturday Evening :D

You know, it seems like we are always so busy, but then we get to the end of the week and look back, and see that it doesn't seem like ANYTHING got done! Such a horrible feeling, but that's life.

I've decided I was gonna get on some sort of schedule. To include menu's and cleaning! And I think if I have my checklist checked off ~ be it a physical list or mental to do list ~ I think that just MAYBE I will feel a little more successful in my day in day out life.

There's so much that I have to post about, but at this moment am unable to do so, whether it be from lack of time, or that it's a private family matter. I just want so badly to be able to just blog about it all! But, maybe in time, things will work themselves out.

We are doing good. Jesse is enjoying his job, but doesn't feel as fulfilled in it as he would like to be. He truly misses being a "real cop" (his words, not mine). But, doesn't mind the job he has as it's a job, and he pretty much gets to watch tv and get paid to do so! He is by all means not complaining about actually having a job! I told him the other day as I finally got him to help me get some cleaning going in the house that since I know what he does all evening, I don't feel bad one iota to ask him to wash a dish or two! Man, does he ever have a great job! I sure do wish I could log my tv time and get paid for it!!!! J/K. I wouldn't make much these days!

Xavier is doing well in school. He can't wait to be done, but what kid can!!!!
Tucker is dreading the thought of school next year. So I think it may just be a struggle with him. I'm considering taking him to the doctor and asking about speech therapy as we have been working with him and can't quite seem to get him to pronounce his words like he should. He gets quite frustrated with us, and sometimes I hate pushing him that hard. But know I have to. Which is why it would be great to get him in therapy.
Gunner, boy, is that kid a pistol. I told him that the other day, and wise guy Xav said And that's why his name is Gunner. *Epiphany* Crap, I did this to my kid! You know they say that kids grow into their names. I wasn't fully expecting that! His first name and middle initial is Gunner E. As in Gunnery Sgt. I hoped that would be a good ........uh, er,......... omen (? ~ not really that superstitious) for a future military career, but apparently, it just means that he's going to be a handful and full of energy while young!!!!!!!! He wears me out, that one! I have my days that I say ~ "Child, you drive the desire for any more kids far FAR away", but then, there are those other days where when I escape to the bathroom ( yes, I do just go in there to close the door and expect some semblance of privacy, but rarely do I get it from him) just to sit on the closed toilet and read a riveting book and he comes barreling in dragging his favorite blankie, grinning from ear to ear and waving like a madman. When he gets to me, he'll do an about face, back up into my legs and expect to sit on my lap and be read to. TTTOOOOOO SUPER DUPER CUTE. But I never read to him (well, there anyways), and I just breathe a heavy LOUD sigh of resignation and leave the quiet of that room and go take care of everything else in the house! And usually will wind up playing with him! He is so frustratingly adorable!
And then there's me. I've been wanting for some time to start making stuff and having my own primitive country decor store. So I've been practicing my painting. And I gotta say, I'm pretty much talentless in that area. But I always have fun with Xav and Tuck cause when I buy paint supplies for me, I buy for them too, and after the redheaded pistol gets put to bed, we have craft painting parties! It's fun! They pretty much do better than me! But I'm not jealous!
Anywho...................That's pretty much all that is going on in the McCoy family, well, about all I can share right now!
I think I may just well indulge myself tonight and go eat several scoops of ice cream and a few dozen sugar cones! TTYL!