Yep, we finally made the ultimate decision.
We are going to NEW YORK. I'm excited and nervous and anxious and............well, I will stop with all the synonyms! It truly was a decision that was hard to come to. Yes, we had already decided that NY is where we would go should it come to it. But, it came down today to having to juggle money that wasn't there with the bills that were ever looming and we knew what we had to do. We had to give up some stuff ~ like our lovely life in Florida, possibly our house back to the bank ~ to be able to keep other stuff ~ mostly, my sanity, our car, and our happy little family to be happy. One of the great lessons I have learned is that things don't matter. That no matter where I am and whatever situation I am in, I have learned that THINGS don't matter. Having my family happily together and not stressed out all the time is what matters the most.
Godliness with contentment is great gain and For I have learned that whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.
Paul goes on in Phil. 4 to say he knows how to be abased (dirt poor and humble) and how to abound (with riches). I know that it is difficult. But I want to be an example to my kids of God's grace to get us through anything and to be content no matter where God's grace puts me.
I have learned that my family needs me to not be so stressed. Which for the past few months, I have been stressed beyond my capabilities to digest it. It has hurt my relationship (not irrepairably) with my husband ~ we just seem to be nit picky with each other ~ and with my kids. I spent all my time looking at jobs ~ first few weeks I put out many hundreds of resume's of Jesse's down here and I have done that plus some for up north. Xavier told me the other day that he misses me playing with him. Now that we are settled on this issue, I feel more peaceful and able to just stop and play with them.
I am NOT expecting a bed of roses when we get there. I know that I will be working full time and so will Jesse and he will probably be going to college and we won't be seeing each other as much, but knowing that we won't have to juggle money as much will take a very large and heavy load off of me. And knowing that he isn't the only one being expected to bring in money to support our family will take alot of stress out on him too. Our minds will rest a little better at night knowing we have made the best possible decision available for the best interest of our family. I know it will be rough, but it's nothing that other people haven't had to go through. And, having family around to help us with the boys will make a world of difference.
But I am sad that I am leaving my framily and our church. We decided to tell everyone today because we didn't want to spring it on them 2 days before we pulled out! I'm getting teary just thinking about our last service. It will be hard and tearful. I am so thankful that I get to teach one last time at our VBS. I told Jenn that it was a good send off!
I am so grateful for our church. My two youngest boys were born here while in this church. My church family showered each of them with love and gifts. And prayed for each of us. All three of my boys were dedicated and prayed over by our wonderful Pastor. When Gunner was born and had to be in the NICU for 8 days, we had people praying for our little fighter nonstop. My wonderful church family made sure we had 2 1/2 weeks of food sent to our house so we could concentrate on our little sick boy and the joy of him being home. They have loved on each of my children in ways unfathomable to most. My children are so loved by our framily at church. I know they will miss our loved ones here and will be missed in return.
I know I will miss being able to work in a music ministry the way I've been able to here. I can definitely say I will miss the lovely oak baby grand steinway ~ do you think they'd miss it if I snuck it out????!!!!!!!!!!! ;) I shall miss our monthly ladies meetings and annual ladies retreats. I am sure gonna miss our occasional nights out. I will miss being loved and loving on all of our framily here. We do our best to make up for the family most of us don't have here and we do a pretty good job of it. I will miss everyone deeply, in my soul.
But I know God has something great in store for us ~ I just wish I knew what! Oh, well, Patience is a virtue that I am slowly becoming aware of!