Saturday, October 22, 2011

It's a rant ~ SO WHAT?!

You know, for so many years I have heard this mentality and I am so sick of it.  I think this is why I didn't take kindly to the whole "Frumps to Pumps" challenge.  It's a demeaning and very damaging mentality (not the frumps to pumps).  I bet you are dying to know what I'm talking about, huh?!  Well, I'll tell ya.  It's not taken to very kindly by alot of people.  but I'm sick of it.

It's the whole "Women, be careful of what you wear ~ don't let it be too tight, too low, too short or too much of a slit.  Because, you are just causing a man to sin in his heart."  WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY IS THAT?

Now, mind you, I don't think a woman should dress with very little clothes.  I think something should and alot of times COULD be left to the imagination.  I really personally don't want to see butt cheek in the summer time.  I really don't want to see nipple slippage.  I believe in modesty.   But, I believe that it's okay to wear pants and shorts.  I wear swimming suits, I go to the beach, I wear tank tops.  And while I know ALOT of people (mostly family ~ but there ain't nothing you can do about that other than do it to annoy them, just to entertain yourself, but I would NEVER do that ;) who either get offended or just ashamed or butt hurt by how I dress.  I DON'T CARE.  It's who I am, take me or leave me, but I will NOT change to appease other people.

Now, my husband doesn't "approve" my wardrobe either.  Don't get me wrong.  I LOVE it when he tells me something I'm wearing looks hot, or how nice I look in something.  But I also have things in my wardrobe that I am comfortable in that my husband doesn't like.  But I still wear it.

You know, my husband thinks other women are hot.  And there are some pretty fine lookin' guys out in the world too!  But, we can see other people of the opposite sex, think that they are cute, hot, or good lookin' without "committing adultery in our hearts" with them.  As a matter of fact, we just had some new neighbors move in.  A young couple who spend lots of time at the gym.  And we have the ongoing joke in our house "Oh, honey, your eye candy just got home".  LOL!  We are secure in our love and marriage and know that yep, hot people outside of the 2 of us exists.  And we are okay with it :D

Now, to get me back on track.  I get so annoyed at the notion that a woman has to wear the "Baptist Burqa" to be as unrevealing as possible.  Oh, and don't you DARE wear an anklet.  Or pants ~ cause that is clothing that pertains to a man, don't ya know?!  Never mind the fact that back in Bible times, men and women all wore dress like robes.  Hmmmm.  Pants did not exist until more recent history, so I HIGHLY doubt that God was telling Moses to tell the women of Israel "Don't you DARE dress in a pair of those man pants."    Sorry, that was another rabbit trail ~ I am a pastor's daughter, so I tend to do that.  ;)

No, what makes me angry is that man's lusting heart is ALWAYS blamed at some point on woman.  Preachers scream that you women need to make sure your dresses are long enough not to stir up a mans desires ~ cause if he sees that knee, he will be so hot for you.  And it will be your fault.  Don't wear open toed shoes, cause men like feet ~ REALLY?!?!?!  I have yet to meet a guy who says they fell for their wives toes ~ and you are just asking for them to lust after you.  Better wear them nylons ~ NEVER have figured out the why and wherefores of this, but if the "man in the pulpit" says so, then you better be obedient.  But the basic jest of it is that the woman is at fault for a man's sin because of how she dresses.  If a man lusts after a woman, it MUST be because she was not modest enough.

My question for all this is Where is the man's responsibility?  Why isn't his LUST not preached about more?  In these sermons where the "idiots in the pulpit" (and definitely not saying that all pastor's are idiots) rant and rave about a woman's dress, usually man's lusting after her is brought up, and yes called a sin, but then is followed by MANY MANY minutes of outrage against woman for wearing tank tops and pants and skirts above the knee.  Woman is blamed.

I'm just tired of men not being called out from the pulpit and that being dwelt upon.  MEN, control your thoughts.  Men, stop blaming someone else, Men, take care of your own sin.  Men, if toes turn you on, don't look down.  if your mind wanders to unclean thoughts, quote scripture.
But, by all means, STOP BLAMING THE WOMEN OF THE WORLD.  Adam did that.  God didn't like that.
Through the years,  I have had more idiots in church check me out than those in the world.  And let me tell you that is disturbing.  AND WRONG.  We are each responsible for our own selves.  I cannot handle having to deal with the sins of all men in the world.  And that isn't my job.  Jesus did that for all of us.  And let me tell you, as a woman ~ IT'S EXHAUSTING having to worry not only about my sin, but of having to make sure that I don't "cause others to sin".  A wicked heart will always find some way to sin, if it isn't brought to the foot of the cross.  I am NOT to blame for someone's husband lusting after me (not saying that anyone has, I hope you get what I meant).  And let me tell you (not saying he does) but a woman is not responsible for my husband lusting after her ~ again, not saying he does, just an example ~ that would be my husbands fault.
So, please ~ the way you dress is between you and God.  HE is the one we all have to answer to.  And HE is the one to whom I ask, does HE get offended by what I wear?  Because I can't control anyone else  ~ for anything.  Nor do I answer for anyone else, for anything.

So, let me just say ~ I know I may have come off as a very angry individual.  And that is not my desire.  I can't seem to find the proper way to express how I'm feeling . I'm not angry per se ~ it's just something I have heard, and recently stumbled on again, and I'm just tired of men not taking the responsibility for their own sins.  It hurts to see so many women bearing the brunt of sins that aren't ours.  It's exhausting!
Now, hopefully since I got it off my chest I can move on.


Sherry said...

'member that one time in the Garden. What was it that Adam said? Something about the woman You gave me made me do it? It's been since day one. Sheesh.

Tara McCoy said...

Ha! Sherry! That is exactly what I was talkin' about. I think I went off on a few unneeded tangents, but that's what I do :D It's kinda hard to follow my actual convo's too :D

Jodi said...

I can't imagine why you haven't had more than one comment on your post!

I agree with you on several points- I don't understand why we aren't all wearing burqas. I mean, if a toe can turn a man to lustful thoughts, why not her hands or eyes or any other part of her? I don't understand why any human gets to draw lines in the sand.

That being said, I think God did draw a line in the sand, so to speak, and we should not cross it. Doesn't He ask us to be modest? God does tell us not to lead others to sin. We can't know what causes everyone to sin in every area, but we can make an honest effort to be modest (among other things.) By modest I mean private parts completely covered and there being no suggestion of them being easily accessible. That sure is subjective, though, isn't it?

I certainly do appreciate it when the women around my husband are wearing clothes that are modest. It makes it easier on him to have pure thoughts. Men ARE visual. Why is the p**n industry all for men? Because women aren't wired that way, for an overwhelmingly large part. I'll never understand that part of men fully. I'm glad he's wired that way, but I have to remember that most men are, and I wouldn't want to be the one that another man in our church is seeing (visually) in a sexual way.

If you're going to a church where the pastor tells everyone to wear skirts and closed toe shoes (or whatever other rule) I wonder what other areas he has taken the liberty of inserting his own opinions into the Word. When he studied the Bible, he didn't become the Holy Spirit.

Conversation is welcome, but I know I don't have all the answers. We ARE each responsible for our own sins, but I guess I disagree in that I think that we also have a responsibility to not lead each other into temptation. But not to the degree that your so-called pastors are claiming. Clear? haha

Tara McCoy said...

Hahaha, Jodi! I understand what you are saying! And I am by no means saying that we have a license to wear what ever we want. I agree about the modesty thing. Heck, walking around the mall looking at little girls stores, Jesse and I always wind up saying that there is not a chance on earth that our girl would EVER wear anything like that or whatever!
I guess the point I was trying to make is exactly what you said ~ ANYTHING can turn a man on. heck, I know a guy who was all hot and bothered by the long skirts. There is such a diversity in the whole spectrum. My thing is I'm tired of men's inability to control hisself (that's the closest way I can think of calling it) being called any and every woman's fault ~ because of how she dresses. Pants are evil, nylons are a must, tank tops are of the devil, you know the gammut.
And I am grateful to be out of such extreme churches.
Most of the time, I can't exactly word my feelings well! I hope I didn't come across as saying that women are free to wear whatever and if someone has a problem with it too bad, because that is NOT at all how I feel. I'm just tired of men not being held accountable to the same "standards" as women. Women, be modest, Men, be proper. And that is getting lost on society ~ modesty and propriety! But so many people need to realize that long skirts and dresses aren't the only way to be modest ~ As a matter of fact, I have seen in many a churches how a girl comes in in pants and a sleeveless shirt and be more modest than the ones in "approved, appropriate clothes".
I am raising 3 little guys and it is such a struggle for boys today, but, I am trying to teach them to control their eyes, control their thoughts, and not just say, that girl needs to dress more modestly so it's not my fault that I just had those thoughts. It's about teaching them to control themselves, because that is the only one they can do anything about! And ~ I definitely know you understand that, Jodi!
Thanks for the comment ~ I love these conversations! (and sorry for such a lengthy reply ~ sheesh, I'm long winded :D )

Jodi said...

Yeah, if someone is consistently tempting you to sin, you ought to deeply examine your heart and then, perhaps, get away from them. But don't blame your sin on someone else. Own up. Get help.

Keep teaching those boys to control themselves and be responsible. Makes life much easier for them and the rest of us!