Tuesday, December 25, 2012


How was your Christmas?  I don't think I have blogged since Thanksgiving.  I have to be completely honest with you, I have such a mixed bag of emotions when it comes to Christmas.  I have this complete love/hate relationship with it.  I love the true meaning of it, grateful for what it means.  But I absolutely loathe the "give me/I want" of it.  And, that's even of me.

I have been blessed with a good childhood.  It wasn't without it's pains and troubles.  We weren't rich, but, in my memory, we never lacked.  I recall stories of how poor we were, but I for one never fully "felt" it.  And I gotta say, that on Christmas, it was magical.  I still to this day have a deep seated love for Santa Claus ~ he always seemed to come through for me ;) .  I recall, usually around July or August, I would look through every toy catalog I could get my hands on and I would make a list for "the Big Guy" that would go on for miles.  And, I'm beginning to see that bit of me in my boys.  I don't think that I quite "got" what it was supposed to be about.  Please, don't think badly of my parents, they taught me what Christmas was all about.  But even some of the most well grounded people I know don't quite get it.  We know, but there's a huge difference between knowing it and getting it.

And I recall that while my mom would make Christmas merry in our house, I can remember that many years she always had "the blues" if not down right deep depression during this "most wonderful time of the year".  And, I never understood it.  But now as I am a mom with kids who call this "the most wonderful time of the year"  I totally get it.  I totally get how a mom gets the blues.  I totally get how the making merry is for some of us a most burdensome drudgery.  I get it.  I feel it.  I don't fully understand, but I'm seeing it and I get it.  Because I feel it.  And I have no shame in saying I loathe it.  I want to feel the magic and be merry.  But, I don't.

And I want to change that.  I don't think it's a matter of spirituality.  I think it is a matter of focus.  I have been reading some blogs about this.  And all through next year, I am going to be working on changing my focus for Christmas.  And I'm going to work on changing the focus of my entire family about Christmas.  I'm learning that it's okay to want things and it's okay to voice those desires, but when those desires change our focus, that is where we run into trouble.  And so, I will be working on this.

So, in the spirit of what this season is all about here is one of my favorite Christmas songs of this season.

And if you are aching in your soul for a different kind of Christmas, for a glimpse of peace for your Christmas, may I suggest you visit this blog and read as much as you can.  A Holy Experience ~ it is a place of peace.  Ann Voskamp is a marvelous writer.  And have your speakers on, for the music on this blog is so peaceful.  When I feel myself reeling and fragile, I go and read my Bible, and listen.  And then I read her words.  Comfort and encouragement are there.  And exactly what I needed this Christmas season!  Hoping you can benefit too!

May your heart find peace and be blessed with a peaceful New Year!

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