Thursday, August 26, 2010

When the sacred is torn

Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
We're asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it's unfair

[Chorus]
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow

If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our savior
[Chorus]
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

This is a song by Natalie Grant.

This is how I feel tonight. Like the sacred has been torn from my life.
This morning around 12:30 am, my mother in law, Christine Mae McCoy, fly home to be with Jesus. Which makes me cherish another song called Untitled Hymn by Chris Rice
the last verse says:
And with your final heartbeat
Kiss the world goodbye
Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory's side, and
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus and live!


She wanted to fly in Heaven. Now she is.
She had been sick a while. But yesterday, she declined FAST. And finally, after her family had told her of their love, (I can't speak for everyone here, but I told her it was okay if she wanted to just fly to heaven); most of us had went home to put our sad and grouchy kids to bed. My father in law, Dave, Jesse (my hubby) and Seth, my brother in law, stayed at the Hospital. And Jesse sitting by her bedside watched as her heart rate would spike, then drastically drop for a few minutes then it just stopped all together. That is when she kissed the world goodbye and was able to laugh on Glory's side. She flew to Jesus.
But the sacred was torn from us. She was our mother. She was our gramma. She was our sister. She was our friend. She was a HUGE MAJOR part of our lives. And she is no longer with us. And that hurts so deeply.
In no way would I beg her to come back ~ though I (and we) so would take her back. She is no longer in pain or suffering like she was. But we miss her so much.
I'm grateful beyond words for the peace, comfort, and assurance we have of heaven.
And like Aunt Terry kept saying yesterday, we aren't crying for her, cause she's gaining Heaven. We are weeping for our loss. And it is so true. We miss her beyond words.
It was so strange today, being at her house. It is so filled with her personality. She was always to one to be up and about getting things ready for whatever was happening ~ dishes out, food prepared. But she wasn't and it felt so empty without her there. There was a lot of people there, but you could just feel her presence gone. And WE MISS HER.
There is a sacredness in the ordinary. One that I didn't realize that I took for granted until today. And the sacred was torn from us. While searching tonight for photos of her, I realized there weren't many. There weren't many of her and the grandkids. There weren't any of her and I. There weren't many of her and so many things that I wish now that I had taken. I wish I had pictures of her cooking. I wish I had helped her more, learned more from her. I wish so many things.
But I pray that maybe, I will learn from this and be able to say from here on out, I have no more regrets.
Today, the sacred was torn from us, but BLESSED BE THE LORD. HE knows how to touch our hearts and bring us sweet peace. The sacred was torn from us, but HE knows how to repair it someday. I am so grateful for the promise and peace of Heaven, knowing that one day, HE will wipe these tears from our eyes.
The sacred was torn from us. But, still, HE is so kind, loving and merciful.
The sacred was torn from us ~ but not forever.

3 comments:

Iola Stringer said...

Thank you for this, Tara. You guys loosing her has really made me think about my own mother in law and making sure I make the most of my moments with her and to cherish every second we are together more. I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you are going through, but my heart and prayers are with you all.

Marisa said...

Im am sooo very sorry for your loss! Have been praying for you and your family and will continue to do so!

Jeri said...

Im sorry Tara for your loss. I will be praying for ya'll.