Saturday, February 20, 2010

thoughts for today

I know I don't have many readers, but I still want to hear those of you who do ~

What are your marriage verses?

Today, I have been married 10 years and a day! And like I said in my last blog post, there have been many ups and downs. The biggest challenge that our marriage has survived, I would probably say, is when I had my stroke.
I COULDN'T remember anything about my life. I woke up to the face of a man I didn't know. I looked in a mirror and couldn't remember my name. I COULDN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING.
How scary is that. It was uber scary. It was hard for Jesse to hear the E.R. doc say that I just had a break with reality and was just insane (clinically insane). No other tests, just wanted to committ me to a state mental facility. SCARY.
Scary for Jesse to check me out of the hospital AMA and the next day, the ONLY thing he could do was put me on an airplane by myself to my parents. He couldn't go with me ~ he was still in Marine Corps MOS training and they wouldn't let him leave or live off base. He couldn't let me live by myself in my house, so he had to just totally trust God and get me back to my parents. And it was weird and scary for me.
Scary, knowing that more than likely he wouldn't see me for months and worrying how that would affect our relationship. Not that it mattered to me, I didn't remember so I was weirdly glad to go. Then it was awkard and weird as I walked past my own mother in the airport, hearing someone (my mom) yelling a name (mine) down the terminal and just thinking hope she finds whoever. Well, she did and it was me!
Weird living with people I didn't know. I pretty much stayed in the room they let me stay in.
I cannot even begin to explain everything I went through.
All I know is that I didn't want to stay married to someone I didn't know or who even made the effort to get to know the apparently "new" me. At one point ~ I told him I was done, and that I was securing an attorney to end this disaster of a WEIRD marriage and free him. By this time, we had just found out I was pregnant with Xavier. My pastor's wife at the time ~ such a Godsent blessing she was for me, she didn't know who I "used" to be, therefore, just accepted who I was then ~ she prayed with and for me so much and just encouraged me to just seek God.
So it was after I told Jesse I was done, that Jesse told me, Okay, but I will always be there to take care of you and the baby. He's such an awesome man. I was so mean and nasty and cruel to him and he just loved me and tried his best to keep up a brave face and be supportive of WHATEVER I wanted. But, he was going to uphold his vows ~ for better for worse, in sickness and in health. I will always love him for that.
But I was reading my Bible one night in Ephesians and I found the verses that encouraged me to stay married to this stranger to me. Which the first verse is our wedding anniversary!
Eph. 2:19-22

Now therefore ye are no more strangers and foreigners, but fellowcitizens with the saints, and of the household of God; And are built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ himself being the chief corner stone; In whom all the building fitly framed together groweth unto an holy temple in the Lord: In whom ye also are builded together for an habitation of God through the Spirit.

We weren't strangers ~ in Christ, we are of the same household of God. And as such, we ~ Jesse and I and our marriage ~ were put together by HIM. And as such, it didn't matter what happened to us, God put us together and as long as we kept HIM the chief cornerstone, our marriage was fitly framed together to be an Holy habitation for HIM. That through us, HE might get all the praise and glory and Honor HE so richly deserves.

We are far from perfect, but we get each other and that is all that counts! But I am so thankful for God giving me those verses (which are GREATLY out of context for marriage to anyone but me ;) ). And I am ever so grateful for a loving, kind, faithful-to-his-vows husband that he has been!

So ................... what are your marriage verses?!


Kayte said...

Love the new layout. Very cute.

My marriage verse as well as my life verse is Song of Solomon 1:2 "Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth:..."

Okay I'm joking. My friends and I used to sign that verse reference by our names when we were dorky teen age girls.

I don't have a specific marriage verse claimed for just our marriage! Now I feel compelled to get one!

According to Kris... said...

Tara-what a story you have and what an awesome experience to be able to testify to what a Mighty God we serve! Sometimes I wonder if God will be able to get me through the day-HA! You have just reminded me of how He can deliver us through anything.
As for the verse-you've given me something to think about...I can't say that I (we) have a marriage verse. Brian would probably say it's "wives, submit to your husbands" lol...
Thanks for sharing today!

Lishak said...

What an incredible story! Your husband definitely deserves kudos for an unselfish, devoted love. It must have been a traumatizing experience for you!