Resolutions.

Oh, yes. 

New beginnings.  

New year.

I love this time of year.  Calendar wise.  Not weather wise.  At this point, I'm usually ready for my balmy south Florida temperatures again.  This year is no exception.  Although, here in the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia, we practically got balmy for Christmas.  I wasn't happy about that.  I like a white Christmas.  But, enough of that!

Oh, wait.  Yes.  I said Virginia.  According to my blog ~ the last time I posted was January 13, 2013.  Yup.  At that point, I'm not sure I even knew we were moving then.  The year 2013 has been a tumultuous year of change.  And I totally didn't blog about it.  Woops!  

Anywho, I'll fill you all in on that at some other point.  This blog post isn't about that.  So, I'll just keep y'all in suspense a little while longer... 

This post is about resolutions.  You know, that thing we all do every December 31/January 1.  Those things that usually get tossed to the way side by January 4th?  Yes.  Those things.  I'm terrible at making and sticking to resolutions.  But, I resolve this year to be better at it.  

I've also been thinking and praying about resolutions for 2014.  Why do we make resolutions?  Why don't we keep the ones we make?  I've also been thinking and praying about that, too.  And I have come to the conclusion that my problem with resolutions is that I have such grand goals and I resolve to accomplish them.  Then, they become so daunting at practically the outset that within just a few days, I realize I will not be able to even accomplish them, so I cast them aside and forget them.  So, this year, I've resolved to do away with the high and lofty goals.  I'm making realistic goals.  Some may call them trivial or insignificant.  And that's okay ~ I really don't care what anyone else thinks about my goals.  That is why they are mine.  They are what God is dealing with me about.  Not you.  Me.  

So, I'm going to share my goals with you.  

Resolutions for 2014:

Learn contentment ~ wow.  Something I have always struggled with.  It is something that I think Apostle Paul struggled with for a bit until he learned it.  He said so.  Phil. 4:12 "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."  

I want to  need to learn how to be content with whatever I have or whatever circumstances I'm in.  Contentment.  Paul also said in I Timothy 6:6  "But godliness with contentment is great gain."
I want that.  I need to be content.  If I'm content ~ my family will be much happier.  My days will be just a little bit brighter.  My heart just a little bit happier.  

I also resolved to lose weight.  Who hasn't?!  I have for so many years and, like I said, by January 4th, I find that I have devoured an entire batch of chocolate chip cookies and so I decide it isn't worth it.  May I be just a little honest with you?  I really don't care about losing weight.  It's not a huge deal to me.  I don't (and honestly, I won't) waste money on gym memberships because that is all it will be ~ A WASTE.  But, I don't necessarily like seeing the scale say 211.  I don't.  So, I want to lose a bit of weight.  But, I've failed at it.  I'm not good with teaming up with "partners" ~ so I won't try.  Please don't ask me to help you.  I suck at it and chances are if you are on my team, you will probably gain weight, so seriously, don't bother asking me.  

And I've also realized that I set way too lofty of weight loss goals for myself.  So, I determined that I am setting realistic achievable goals and my first weight loss goal for 2014 is to loose 12 pounds.  That's it.  Don't laugh ~ because, 1) that isn't nice and 2) these are my resolutions.

Yes, that equals 1 pound a month.  No it isn't a lot.  But, I want to get under 200 pounds and this is possible for me.  

And on that note ~ I resolve to exercise 3 times a week.  If you don't know me ~ or if you do ~ I am SO not an exerciser.  Some people are.  Some LOVE it.  Some do it out of duty.  I'm a girl who has never seen the benefits of exercise outside of making me miserable.  SERIOUSLY.  But, there are some things I would like to tone up a bit ~ my flabby mommy arm.  And other things you don't need to know about.  This will also help my measly weight loss goal too!  So bring on the 15 minutes a day workouts.  I'll be rockin' my 45 minutes a week.  Stop laughing so hard!!!!  

And to try to quickly bring this post to an end, my other goals for 2014:

Less Facebook (and the facebook crowd collectively bursts out in the hallelujah chorus) ~ and to not be so transparent on fb ~ I'm a chronic oversharer.   Like people probably cringe at how transparent I am.  And I'm not a politician, so I don't really need to promise transparency to fb.  So, I will work on that.  YOU'RE WELCOME.  Except ~ that doesn't necessarily apply to the blog world.  

I also would like to create my grateful list ~ 3 things a day.  That's all.  Just 3.  Some days, I'll end up with more, some days, I may struggle with that.  But I determine to do 3 things a day.  

And finally, I'm trying to start a Bible study group.  I would love that.  I miss my Bible study in Liverpool.  So, I am trying to start one here.  And if no one participates, I'll be blessed beyond measure by it.  So, that is awesome.  I'm ready to listen!  

Anywho ~ do you have any resolutions for 2014?  I'd love to hear about them!  Let me know!

Worries

In case you didn't know this about me, I have a fatalistic bend to my personality.  I call it a quirk.  It can be bothersome.  And sometimes, it can be downright annoying.  Part of the fatalistic bend is I can pretty much draw a lot of conclusion from a few things, I'm a closet conspiracy theorist.  Y'all, there are some pretty weird happenings out there.  Actually, there are some downright FRIGHTENING things out there.

And I know this about myself.  And so, because I know how easily affected I know I can get by stuff so quickly, I usually let myself indulge in "theories" and thinkings every once in a while.  I know that if left unchecked, I could become "kooky" really quick.  And I usually don't let on that I am quite fatalistic ~ which is why I call it fatalistic and say that I'm in the closet about certain things {reference above paragraph}.  I am really not crazy or strange, I just have some legitimate questions about things, but I am totally normal  ;)

I'm just going to throw all caution to the wind and just tell you a little about my night last night.  So, I was on youtube watching my most favorite video of all time.  Which one is that, you say?!  Well, there are some rather good ones, but when I need a good laugh I usually go to this one:

OH.  EMMM.   GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.   If that doesn't make you smile, you have serious issues.  Like, more serious than even I have.  Hide yo' kids, Hide yo' wife, and Hide yo' husbands cause they rapin' everybuddy out there.  Oh, so hilarious.  I'm going to be making this one of my ringtones, it is too funny.

ANYWHO......
I started just clicking video after video just seeing what kind of path I could go on.  It's like a fun challenge for me ~ if I click here, what else will I find.........You can find some drop dead funny stuff.  But if you click the right combination of links, you could just about pee your pants for some of the stuff you find.  And that was me last night.

And I literally was worrying myself sick.  I'm awful.  youtube should be off limits to me after a certain time of night ~ well, at least for just clicking through links.  So, finally, I said that I was just going to bed.  But I stopped and thought to myself (even though it was really late) ~ and I realize that I was just heeding the Holy Spirit prompting me to ~ I'm gonna read just a few paragraphs of my devotional One Thousand Gifts.

And in the second paragraph Ann Voskamp wrote "Worry is the facade of taking action when prayer really is."   *fump* TOTALLY WRECKED.  I couldn't stop with just that and I finished that day's devotional.  It was all about worry and stress (hello, have you met me?!) and how it is nothing but a lack of TRUST in the One who gives us all things.  Do you know how hard it is to read through tears?!  At 1:00 in the morning?!  HARD.

So, I limped my way through that then I decided to look at my new Bible study book When Wallflowers Dance by Angela Thomas.  And the first day I did (right after the one thousand gifts) was all about coming to the altar.  And in it she said "What if praise becomes a habit?" ~ WHAT?! That is what the other study is about?!  O.o  "What if first thing, before anything else, we come to God with a grateful heart....And our minds will filter everything that comes next through the context of thankfulness.....We will only become the women God had in mind because we have decided...Decided to lay our hearts on HIS altar and stay there, safe in HIS arms."
Um, DOUBLE WRECKED.
So, last night right before I went to bed, I had a "come to Jesus" moment and it was totally AWESOME.  WOW.
I love how Jesus is WRECKING my life!  I'll take it!

Gifts

A gift isn't some extravagant present gifted on birthdays, anniversaries or Christmas.  We all get gifts.  Every single day of our lives.  But, so often, we overlook or ignore them.  At least, I do.  Or I get frustrated by those gifts and roll my eyes and go "Woe is me".

We get these gifts, but are we really truly grateful for each of those gifts?  I know I'm not.  And I see this reflected in my children's lives and hearts.  And of all things, that is not the thing I wanted to pass on to my children.

So, I have decided that I was going to take the Joy dare and count 1,000 gifts this year.  Most days, I will count 3 gifts a day, sometimes more, but hopefully no less than 3.  And I am wanting to make the search for the common, everyday graces a habit.  That is my resolution for this year.

This radical idea is based on One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.  I am in the process of doing the devotional and I read her blog A Holy Experience every day.  Her writing gets to my deepest longings and makes me think and re-evaluate who GOD wants me to be!

So, come with me on this journey.  I won't commit to posting all of them on my blog.  But, I will share my journey and of course some of my gifts with you!  Every day graces.  Every day gifts.  All from the magnificent Heavenly Father!!!

Week 1

We are starting our challenge this week.  This weeks challenge was to photograph something from your back door.  I have about 2 fee of snow right outside my back door, so it was all about opening my door and snapping a picture from the door post.  Literally!  It has been so super duper cold it isn't even funny.

So, if you can see it from your back door, you can snap it.  Get creative and post your pictures either on this blog post:

Or on the facebook group:

Just a glimpse ~ a 52 week photography challenge

Remember ~ if you post here, you have to have a link from either your blog or from a photo hosting website such as Photobucket.  

Can't wait to see all the pictures we will get!  I better get mine uploaded too!

52 Week Challenge Updated

So, while I thought ~ thought being the operative word ~ that I had this figured out, I apparently don't.  I thought we could post pictures straight to the page ~ and it would show up after you post the link or what not.  But that apparently isn't the way it works.  SO.........

I set up a facebook group for this challenge.  I really hope you all are able to join the facebook group.  I will run it just like I would have here ~ throwing in a few contests every once in a while.  But I feel SO badly that I couldn't figure it out.

Here is the link to the facebook group ~ if I don't add you within a few minutes, please click the link and join!
Just a Glimpse ~ a 52 week photography challenge
The facebook group is closed, so no one but the members of the group can see the posts!  Plus, it's easier to post photos to fb (I think) than having to set up a photo hosting account for some!
I will still do the posts here on the blog ~ in case there are some who aren't on facebook and still would like to participate.  The contests will be the same and we'll treat the blog and group as if it is one.

So, please join us!  And thank you for understanding!

2013 Theme song

I posted last night that my word for

 this coming year is Hope 

and all about learning 

to trust and have hope from God.  

So, I have a theme song for the year, too!  

It's My Hope is In You by Aaron Shust. 

Enjoy!

2013 Word

If you don't know me on facebook or twitter, or in person ~ you might not know it, but I'm political.  I have a separate blog for it (that I need to update more often, but that's not important) so I try to keep politics away from here.

But, I get pretty worked up and upset over the political happenings of our day.  It's rough.  Wow.  Sometimes my hubby just shakes his head and worries over how worked up I get.  To me, it seems as if it getting to be a very dark point in our country and I despair over it.

And as I was scrolling on facebook tonight, I saw it.  The word that I needed to cling to and learn about and practice in my life.  That word is HOPE.  And it was in the verse of Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 
And I new that Hope was the word I needed for this year.  HE knows what my future holds.  HE knows.  And HE only means it for my good.  HE is SO good.  He just wants to give hope and because of that hope, we have a future.  I'm grateful that even though the way is dark and dreary right now, I know that HE provided a way to give me an eternal future.  Do you have the same HOPE that I have?!  HE loved us SO much HE gave HIS SON to die for us to save us from our sins.  So that we may be able to spend eternity in sweet eternal fellowship with HIM.  What a hope HE gives us.  
Oh, it's a lovely word HOPE.  

So, what's your word for 2013?

Week 1 ~ January 4

So, we start off right away!  I will post the link to submit your photo on Friday, January 4th and will close it out on Monday, January 7th by 9 am.

This week is:

From your back door ~
     If you can see it from your back door, you can snap it!

Comment here and tell me if you are going to join us!

52 Week Challenge ~

Well, it didn't take me long and I have all things worked out to host a photography challenge.
I'm not terribly picky, pretty lenient, but there are a few ground rules:
Please be people of integrity.  If you didn't take the picture, please don't use it.
Feel free to invite your friends to join us, but please make sure they follow to join us.
Please be mindful of others ~ and keep them clean.
And finally, lets encourage each other!!

Now, this is how it's gonna work ~ I will put up a post every Friday ~ on that post I will have this:

And this is where you will post your links to your pictures.  Make sure you don't link to an entire page of pictures just the one picture you are submitting for the week.
The link will be up until the following Monday when the next challenge begins.

Also, on that same post, I will also put up a reminder of the next weeks assignment.
To make this even more fun, there are a couple assignments throughout the 52 weeks that will have contests attached to them.  They will be randomly placed, and the prize won't be extravagant, but it will be fun.  The way the contests will work is that on the Beginning of the Challenge week, I will tell you that it is the contest and each person will be assigned a number as they post and I will have a number picker online choose the winner!

The theme's for each week are listed below ~

Week 1 (1/4)~ From your back door

Week 2 (1/11)~Something red

Week 3 (1/18) ~ From your kitchen

Week 4 (1/25)~ Whatever you want

Week 5 (2/1)~ Something Warm

Week 6 (2/8) ~ Something that keeps you warm

Week 7 (2/15)~ Love

Week 8 (2/22)~ Something pink

Week 9 (3/1)~ Something that warms your heart

Week 10 (3/8)~ Your child(ren)/pets or both

Week 11 (3/15)~ A desire of your heart

Week 12 (3/22)~ An unedited photo

Week 13 (3/29)~ Something Large

Week 14 (4/5)~ New Life

Week 15 (4/12) ~ Shadow

Week 16 (4/19)~ Something Green

Week 17 (4/26)~ Street Lights

Week 18 (5/3)~ Metallic

Week 19 (5/10)~ Action Shot

Week 20 (5/17)~ You couldn’t live without…

Week 21 (5/24)~ Short Exposure

Week 22 (5/31)~ Long Exposure

Week 23 (6/7)~ Something dirty (as in muddy)

Week 24 (6/14)~ Something clean

Week 25 (6/21)~ Sunflare

Week 26 (6/28)~ Something you want to get rid of

Week 27 (7/5)~ Celebration

Week 28 (7/12)~ Nature

Week 29 (7/19)~ Summertime activity

Week 30 (7/26)~ Something Cool

Week 31 (8/2)~ Close up

Week 32 (8/9)~ Favorite Color

Week 33 (8/16)~ Friends

Week 34 (8/23)~ Black and White

Week 35 (8/30)~ Patterns

Week 36 (9/6)~ Back to School

Week 37 (9/13)~ Weather

Week 38 (9/20)~ Faceless Self portrait

Week 39 (9/27)~ Morning rituals

Week 40 (10/4)~ Out and about

Week 41 (10/11)~ Something small

Week 42 (10/18)~ Landscape

Week 43 (10/25)~ Autumn

Week 44 (11/1)~ Far away

Week 45 (11/8)~ Nightly Rituals

Week 46 (11/15)~ Family Activity

Week 47 (11/22)~ Thanksgiving

Week 48 (11/29)~ Winter

Week 49 (12/6)~ Favorite thing(s)

Week 50 (12/13)~ Tis the Season

Week 51 (12/20) ~ Christmas

Week 52 (12/27) ~ Resolutions

So, this will be fun!!!  Who's gonna join me?!
Oh, yeah, if you want to join me ~ comment here and introduce yourself!  Looking forward to it!

Challenge

Hey!  How was your first day of 2013?  Mine was wonderfully fully of NOTHING!  I had a laundry basket full of socks that I wanted to mate and put away into drawers today.  And I got it done.  I even threw some out.  I was so excited.  I'm pretty easily excited, apparently.

One thing I got for Christmas was a beautiful awesome new DSLR camera.  Oh, I have enjoyed playing with it!!!  But, I have been wanting to find a "challenge" to do and then a friend of mine on facebook mentioned it, so I do believe that I will be starting my own challenge.  I'm going to steal some weekly theme ideas and smooshing them all together and making it my own.  And my hope is to get others involved!!!!  Now, just to figure out how to set up a way for others to post....
I will work on it and hope to have something up by tomorrow!

It will be fairly simple.  But, I know I need a reason to purposefully take pictures!  So, join me.  We'll have fun!

Happy New Year ~ 2013

Happy New Year!  

Here is the blessing for the New Year from Numbers 6.24-26

May the Lord bless you

and keep you;
May the Lord make his face shine on you
and be gracious to you;
May the Lord turn his face toward you
and give you peace.

I am still working  on trying to find my word for the year.  

I do know that I am going to be starting several Bible studies 

this year.  I'm going to be doing the Ann Voskamp One Thousand Gifts

devotional study, Luke study, and my Friday Bible Study group 

will be doing "When Wallflowers Dance" by Angela Thomas.  And y'all, 

when I watched the preview clip a few weeks ago, I was a blubbering mess.  

I am super stoked about this one in particular.  I love feeling God move me.  

And, now, I will leave you with the perfect song for the beginning of a New Year.  

Or a new page.

 A clean slate.  

Kari Jobe Find you on My Knees.  

Wow.  And this is my prayer for the year, that I will find Him on my knees!

Good night, and may you be inscribed and sealed for a fresh New Year! 

Resolutions

After Christmas, I always feel a little down.  Then I take my Christmas decorations down (which I started to do today ~ tree is all done) and I start to get excited to look forward to the new year.  I always feel.......joy and excitement as I think of leaving one year behind to get to another!  And, I, like so many people, start the new year with the most wonderful intentions and usually Jan. 2nd comes around and I'm all "Resolutions?!?!  What?!?!"  Hahahaha ~ know what I mean?!

So, this year, I am tired of making the cliche, frivolous resolutions.  I did pretty good with the last year, and I am planning on doing it again.  I'm going to choose a word to work on.  My word/phrase last year was "Know" and my goal was to get to know Him better.  And, I can walk away from 2012 humbled by what I learned in my pursuit of getting to know God better.

Some of the things I walked through privately or even publicly brought me to a sweeter recognition of seeing the hand of God in my life.  I started the year in a completely broken disheveled mess.  And, I sought God.  I sought to know His heart better this year, and I'm so pleased to know that I'm ending 2012 not so broken, still pretty disheveled but the chaos of it doesn't overwhelm me as much.  I'm so glad that there came a point where I can see that when I worship ~ privately or corporately ~ that I can finally start to let Him be "the lifter of my head".  That, now the tears that flow as I worship Him come from such an overwhelming feeling of having seen His hand move in my life and an overwhelming feeling of His grace.  When I started the year, the tears would fall just simply because I was too broken to feel any of it.  I was writhing in the agony of not knowing how to connect with Him.  I was His, but somewhere along the line, I lost that "first love", I guess you could say.  And, I missed Him.  So, I determined that I would get to Know Him again.  And I'm so glad I did.

I'm so grateful for His grace that He extends to me each and every day.  I'm not perfect.  I start Bible studies and get discouraged if I "get behind" so I just let it go.  But, I'm determined to not let that stop me this year!  I'm excited to be helping lead a Bible study on Friday mornings this winter and I am joining an online Bible study.  I have started in the worship band at my church, so I only get to go to my Sunday school class every other Sunday, but I love it and can't wait to find out tomorrow what our next study will be!!

So, tomorrow, I start looking at school stuff and determining what all needs to be done this semester, try to get a workable schedule that we can stick to.  Along with some sort of chore schedule that I would love to start, I'm just not that organized to do it, unless it's idiot proof and fail proof.  Hahahaha ~ I would still find some way to fail with it, because I am just that talented!  So, bring on the New Year.  I'm ready for you, 2013!!  Because I know He is there and He knows and I can trust Him.

New Year

So, tonight as I sit here, playing with Christmas present that I just got today (a Nikon D3100 ~ what what?!).  I'm playing with all sorts of different things on my camera, reading blog after blog about it, and playing with my photo editing software.  And I don't know what is harder ~ the camera or the software.....

Anyways.......
My tree is still up.  Probably going to start taking it down tomorrow.  I'm so ready to get my living room back.  And my bedroom too, for that matter.  We had to move the huge oversized recliner to our room, which didn't have hardly any room to begin with.  So, I'm really ready to just be done with the Christmas decor.   Although, I will be sad because the lights are so pretty, but you know, I'm ready for it to be gone!

And, we are making plans for new years.  We are going to some very dear friends' house and just going to have fun!  I'm so looking forward to it!  Yay!   Jesse is off and we are going to have a fun night!

And I am looking forward to 2013.  I will say 2012 did NOT end the way I thought it would in many aspects.  But, I have made peace with that.  God knows and He is here and moving and working, so I am learning to trust His heart.  And 2013 is full of possible changes.  Some, I'm just not sure about.   I'm hoping that we can buy a house, but it also means we very much could be moving out of state, once again.  I used to not mind it, the moving.  But the older I get, the more I just want a place to call my own.  The desire to have a "home" for my boys to finish growing up in.    So, I'm ready to get to our forever home.  I'm NOT looking forward to leaving the people we are growing to love and a church we love.  But, I know that God knows and He is preparing people and places for us!  And, maybe we won't have to go anywhere.  That would be ideal.

And I'm dreading starting school back up again.  Seriously!  I'm not your normal homeschooler.  I dread every single school day.  But, that's life.   Although, I do have to start cracking the whip and getting back into a schedule.  Which, I think, helps with the dreading of the school day.  I need to have the guys concentrate on some memorization this semester, so, I need to work on that too.  It's just a challenge for me.  And I don't like being challenged.  Lol

So, those are just a couple thoughts on the upcoming new year!  What are your plans?  As long as mine include these 3 (and their dad) I'm good!  Aren't they cute?!

Christmas

How was your Christmas?  I don't think I have blogged since Thanksgiving.  I have to be completely honest with you, I have such a mixed bag of emotions when it comes to Christmas.  I have this complete love/hate relationship with it.  I love the true meaning of it, grateful for what it means.  But I absolutely loathe the "give me/I want" of it.  And, that's even of me.

I have been blessed with a good childhood.  It wasn't without it's pains and troubles.  We weren't rich, but, in my memory, we never lacked.  I recall stories of how poor we were, but I for one never fully "felt" it.  And I gotta say, that on Christmas, it was magical.  I still to this day have a deep seated love for Santa Claus ~ he always seemed to come through for me ;) .  I recall, usually around July or August, I would look through every toy catalog I could get my hands on and I would make a list for "the Big Guy" that would go on for miles.  And, I'm beginning to see that bit of me in my boys.  I don't think that I quite "got" what it was supposed to be about.  Please, don't think badly of my parents, they taught me what Christmas was all about.  But even some of the most well grounded people I know don't quite get it.  We know, but there's a huge difference between knowing it and getting it.

And I recall that while my mom would make Christmas merry in our house, I can remember that many years she always had "the blues" if not down right deep depression during this "most wonderful time of the year".  And, I never understood it.  But now as I am a mom with kids who call this "the most wonderful time of the year"  I totally get it.  I totally get how a mom gets the blues.  I totally get how the making merry is for some of us a most burdensome drudgery.  I get it.  I feel it.  I don't fully understand, but I'm seeing it and I get it.  Because I feel it.  And I have no shame in saying I loathe it.  I want to feel the magic and be merry.  But, I don't.

And I want to change that.  I don't think it's a matter of spirituality.  I think it is a matter of focus.  I have been reading some blogs about this.  And all through next year, I am going to be working on changing my focus for Christmas.  And I'm going to work on changing the focus of my entire family about Christmas.  I'm learning that it's okay to want things and it's okay to voice those desires, but when those desires change our focus, that is where we run into trouble.  And so, I will be working on this.

So, in the spirit of what this season is all about here is one of my favorite Christmas songs of this season.

And if you are aching in your soul for a different kind of Christmas, for a glimpse of peace for your Christmas, may I suggest you visit this blog and read as much as you can.  A Holy Experience ~ it is a place of peace.  Ann Voskamp is a marvelous writer.  And have your speakers on, for the music on this blog is so peaceful.  When I feel myself reeling and fragile, I go and read my Bible, and listen.  And then I read her words.  Comfort and encouragement are there.  And exactly what I needed this Christmas season!  Hoping you can benefit too!

May your heart find peace and be blessed with a peaceful New Year!

November 19

Today, I'm thankful.

I'm thankful that Thanksgiving is coming up.  It is my most favorite holiday.  I love the preparations for it.  The baking, the shopping for the turkey, the decorating/planning my table.  I just love it all.  I think I love it most because I don't have to rush around making sure I spend an equally proportionate amount of money on the boys.  Because I don't have to rush around trying to get everything wrapped, along with all the baking and cooking.

I just love Thanksgiving.  It's a day for us to spend the day together eating and just enjoying the ones we love.  And you know, I'm grateful because I get that most every day!  We, as a family, make sure that we sit down at the dinner table for a meal together with the television off most nights.  I get to spend my days ~ as maddening as it all seems ~ with my children.  It's a rare day if we aren't together.  But I'm grateful for Thanksgiving that we get to make traditions for our family!

November 14

Tonight, I'm thankful for my family!  And by that, I'm talking my parents and sister!  Things haven't always been great between us ~ but what is family if you can't have your arguments and disagreements and such.  But as long as after licking your wounds, you still love each other and rebuild your relationships again, then that is what family is all about.
And that was us.  We had a rough couple years.  We all hurt each others feelings.  We all ruffled each others feathers, but we still love each other.  And I'm so grateful for that.  Things aren't always perfect.  Life throws us curveballs, and we either learn to dodge and take cover or get hit square in the gut.  And sometimes you duck and cover and still get hit in the gut.  But once you catch your breath again, those relationships that took hits, you learn to re-evaluate, and rebuild.
And I'm so glad that we are no longer in the "still catching our breath, recovering" phase, but that we are rebuilding again!

I love my family.  We don't get to see each other as much as we need to, and definitely don't get to spend as much time as we would like with each other, but I'm so glad we have fb chat, texting and phone conversations!  It makes the 14 hour drive between us seem a little less severe.  And I'm hoping someday soon, we'll be able to make a trip to visit.  My parents were just here a couple weeks ago, and we miss them so much already!  And my sister has a new fella and I haven't met him, so hoping to get to do that at some point in life ;)

So, for now, I just have to say that I love them, I miss them terribly and I love them dearly!!!!

November 12

Tonight, I am thankful for a calling.  I can't really talk much about it now, but it isn't that I don't want to.  I am just not sure I fully understand it myself, so i am still trying to piece things together and figure it all out.  But, I have this sense of "something bigger" deep down inside of me.  I have a few ideas ~ but don't quite know how to execute any of them or if any of them will pan out.  But this I know, as one of my closest friend pointed out in a great article you can find here ~ maybe you and I were born, like Esther, for such a time as this.

I'm grateful God never lets go and can use us, no matter how weak or finicky we can be, HE will still use us if we make ourselves available for HIS use!  And I am.  Here am I, Lord, use me!

November 9

Today, I am grateful for the promises of God's word.  It's been a comfort to me so much.  Even more so these last few days.  In the aftermath of this election, I have such fear and uncertainty.  I have a very much of a doomsday/worst case scenario kind of a girl.  And really, that is a burden in and of itself.  Add to that the unexpected turn this election took, REALLY has done a number to me.  Where do we go?!  What do we do?!  How will we survive?!  What's going to happen?!  These are all legitimate questions.  These are all real concerns.  But let me tell you, if I'm not careful (and a lot of the times, I'm not ~ I have to work on that) those questions and so many more will bog my mind down.  And throw me into a pit.
But you know something, I'm recognizing it.  In my Sunday school class, we went through a book Get Out of That Pit by Beth Moore.  And I learned A LOT about my tendency to throw myself into pits.  So, I have been trying my dangedest to rest and rely on HIM.

And, in our Friday Bible study group, we are doing a study on the book of Revelation ~ Here and Now There and Then.  Let me tell ya ~ this study could NOT come at a more appropriate time for me.  And Beth Moore wrote it and did the DVD's back in 2009, but I promise you, it is almost like she did it yesterday.  It's uncanny, nope, it's a total God thing.  My pastor's wife and I made eye contact during the dvd a few times.  And it was one of those "oy vey" facepalm moments.  LOL  {Kathy has the unfortunate luck to be my friend on facebook and she sees my angst and my ramblings and rants!  Love her ~ we just kinda GET each other!  She's great!} It really is awesome (not the cheerleader "Like, it's so awesome" but the OH CRAP WHAT THE WHAT?!  awesome).

One thing that Beth Moore said today that hit home ~ she was talking about how the angels were created before God created everything else.  And as the Trinity stood around a not yet breathing Adam, can you just imagine it ~ God said to the Son ~ "are you sure?!  If we do this you're as good as dead" ~ and yet they still felt that man was worth it.  The Lamb was slain before the foundations of the world.  I've heard it before, but it just struck me.  God knew before he formed man that HE would have to send HIS son to be tortured for what would happen in the Garden.  HE  knew what would happen but for our fellowship, HE thought we were worth it.  So, it gives me great comfort knowing that HE knew that Obama would be elected the first time.  And re-elected.  And how devastated I would be.  So I am thankful for HIS promises  "I am with you always, even unto the ends of the world".  WOW.  "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee".  "Jesus wept".  That one is profound.  Just think about it.  What did HE weep over?!  Over the plight that we keep getting ourselves into.  Over the way we willingly forsake HIM for what WE want.  Over the pain that our choices brings us.  And over the fact that we keep doing it ~ over and over and over.

So, for me tonight, I'm thankful for God's words and God's promises to me {okay to you too, WHATEVER, selfish.  GAAAAHHHH.}  :D  HE IS TOTALLY AWESOME!

November 7

I know I missed yesterday.  I was busy ~ well, sort of.  I was excited and nervous.  But I woke up hopeful.  And I couldn't wait to get out and cast my vote.  I was so ready.  When the boys got up, I told them to get ready and I said "Today is the day, we get to change our country".  Oh, I truly believed it.  I truly believed we would change everything.

And after we voted, Jesse and I got into this huge argument over something silly.  We are both SO stubborn and that is NOT a good thing.  But I won :P  LOL.  Well, no not really.  But I had such anxious energy built up that I needed it expelled.

So, as the evening wore on it started out cool and fun and by the end of the night it had dissolved into sobs and anguish.  I'm telling you, y'all, it was ugly.  Fear, anger, sadness.

I had to take a loverly sleeping pill last night to actually fall asleep.  But you know what, I still tossed and turned all night and was up way too early.  Oy vey.  And when I woke up, I still shed a few tears.  And y'all, I TRULY don't get it.  I don't.  I don't understand.

I went throughout my day just sort of stupefied.  I'm still in a state of shock.  UGH.  And it doesn't help that I have a total conspiracy theory/apocalyptic mentality.  So my mind doesn't stop.  It's exhausting.  I'm still trying to piece it all together.  I hope that these next 4 years fly by.  I totally have Post Election Stress Syndrome.  WHAT?!  It's a real thing.

Now, for my grateful post.  I'm grateful for the peace of God.  I have my moments where I am still fearful and I forget to rely on HIM.  But most of this day has been a good day.  HE has made his presence known.  And I know that I have to trust HIM.  But I'm so grateful for HIS presence that gives me peace!  Because, y'all, it's all about HIM.  It's all about HIS honor and HIS glory.

Psalm 46.10
“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

I'm so grateful for that!  And I'm so grateful that I can KNOW He is GOD.  

November 5

This is a hard one today.  You see, on this date 14 years ago, 2 things happened that totally rocked my world.  The first one was that the only grandfather I ever knew lost his battle with cancer.  Oh, Poppy (what we called him) was a wonderful man!  He was so funny.  He was so loved by all his grandkids.  He always made me feel like his favorite (although, I am sure he did this for all of us).  I miss him so much.  Jesse was never able to meet him.  I'm sorry for that.  He would've loved Jesse!

                                         Kensel Hugh Poppy Miller
Just a few days before he lapsed into unconsciousness, I spoke to him on the phone.  I remember it vividly.  I was at college working on the switchboard during chapel.  And my mom called and said that Poppy was getting bad and it was my last chance to talk to him.  I let all the phones ring as I spent a minute or two talking to a man I spent my life adoring.  He told me how proud he was of me.  And that all that mattered in life was just to "Love Jesus.  That is all that matters.  And I love you."
After that he started talking gibberish and I hung up the phone.  I laid my head on the desk as about 6 phone lines were buzzing and I wept.  Oh, how I loved that man.  Oh, how I missed him already.   He died 2 days later. But, I'm SO grateful I was working that day so I got to speak to him that last time.  I will carry his words with me for the rest of my life.
On November 5th after I received word that Poppy had died EARLY that morning, I skipped all my classes to get ready to fly to Missouri for his funeral.  Jesse ditched a few of his classes that day too.  He even went to work late (or maybe he called off, I can't remember because I left) so he could spend some time with me.  And as my friend was pulling her car around to take me to the airport, Jesse and I were sitting in the "drool hall" and as we saw my friend pull up, he said that he loved me.  I was kinda shocked.  I didn't know what to say.  I just kinda looked at him all dumbfounded and we went to the car.  He helped me put my luggage in and I just kinda mumbled a goodbye to him.
Right as we were pulling away, I shockingly said to the girls with me "He told me he loved me".  Talia (the girl who owned the car) slammed her brakes on (he was still standing outside watching us drive away) and Talia and Meribel asked me "What did you say?!"  I said I didn't know, so they both jumped out of the car and yelled at Jesse "SHE LOVES YOU TOO"  Then we pulled away.  LOL ~ looking back now, it is kinda funny!  I did tell him later that night over the phone, but wow.  It was just so totally unexpected ~ we had only been dating officially for about a month!  But I'm so glad!  He has loved me (and I have loved him) for 14 years!  I'm so grateful for him.

So, all that to say ~ that I'm grateful for LOVE.  I have been loved well all of my life.  My parents, my grandparents, the Love of my Life, and my Saviour all have loved me.  I'm grateful for love and memories.

                                     My love and I ~ 14 years later, still grossing people out!