Worries

In case you didn't know this about me, I have a fatalistic bend to my personality.  I call it a quirk.  It can be bothersome.  And sometimes, it can be downright annoying.  Part of the fatalistic bend is I can pretty much draw a lot of conclusion from a few things, I'm a closet conspiracy theorist.  Y'all, there are some pretty weird happenings out there.  Actually, there are some downright FRIGHTENING things out there.

And I know this about myself.  And so, because I know how easily affected I know I can get by stuff so quickly, I usually let myself indulge in "theories" and thinkings every once in a while.  I know that if left unchecked, I could become "kooky" really quick.  And I usually don't let on that I am quite fatalistic ~ which is why I call it fatalistic and say that I'm in the closet about certain things {reference above paragraph}.  I am really not crazy or strange, I just have some legitimate questions about things, but I am totally normal  ;)

I'm just going to throw all caution to the wind and just tell you a little about my night last night.  So, I was on youtube watching my most favorite video of all time.  Which one is that, you say?!  Well, there are some rather good ones, but when I need a good laugh I usually go to this one:

OH.  EMMM.   GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.   If that doesn't make you smile, you have serious issues.  Like, more serious than even I have.  Hide yo' kids, Hide yo' wife, and Hide yo' husbands cause they rapin' everybuddy out there.  Oh, so hilarious.  I'm going to be making this one of my ringtones, it is too funny.

ANYWHO......
I started just clicking video after video just seeing what kind of path I could go on.  It's like a fun challenge for me ~ if I click here, what else will I find.........You can find some drop dead funny stuff.  But if you click the right combination of links, you could just about pee your pants for some of the stuff you find.  And that was me last night.

And I literally was worrying myself sick.  I'm awful.  youtube should be off limits to me after a certain time of night ~ well, at least for just clicking through links.  So, finally, I said that I was just going to bed.  But I stopped and thought to myself (even though it was really late) ~ and I realize that I was just heeding the Holy Spirit prompting me to ~ I'm gonna read just a few paragraphs of my devotional One Thousand Gifts.

And in the second paragraph Ann Voskamp wrote "Worry is the facade of taking action when prayer really is."   *fump* TOTALLY WRECKED.  I couldn't stop with just that and I finished that day's devotional.  It was all about worry and stress (hello, have you met me?!) and how it is nothing but a lack of TRUST in the One who gives us all things.  Do you know how hard it is to read through tears?!  At 1:00 in the morning?!  HARD.

So, I limped my way through that then I decided to look at my new Bible study book When Wallflowers Dance by Angela Thomas.  And the first day I did (right after the one thousand gifts) was all about coming to the altar.  And in it she said "What if praise becomes a habit?" ~ WHAT?! That is what the other study is about?!  O.o  "What if first thing, before anything else, we come to God with a grateful heart....And our minds will filter everything that comes next through the context of thankfulness.....We will only become the women God had in mind because we have decided...Decided to lay our hearts on HIS altar and stay there, safe in HIS arms."
Um, DOUBLE WRECKED.
So, last night right before I went to bed, I had a "come to Jesus" moment and it was totally AWESOME.  WOW.
I love how Jesus is WRECKING my life!  I'll take it!