It's almost Christmas ~

Are you done shopping yet? Are you prepared for the meal for Christmas?

I ask these questions simply because I am not done with either.

My parents are here for Christmas. I'm psyched about that. Enjoying having them here. Before they got here, mom and I decided to do a lovely prime rib roast for Christmas dinner, and that we would buy it when she got here. Well, we looked and a roast is $50. Uh, no thanks. So, I have been trying to figure out what to do. It's a dilemma!!!!!! I think I've settled on a Christmas brunch. Don't think my dad is thrilled with that, but I think that would be something special and it's a great tradition to start! Christmas brunch! So now, I'm trying to figure out what all to get. We are going grocery shopping a little later to finish it up.

I'm all done shopping for gifts, just have to get a few stocking stuffers stuff! Then it's to start wrapping.
I've been feeling rather scrooge-ish and just can't wait for the holidays to be over with. It's rather a disgusting feeling, but I just can't seem to snap out of it. But I suppose if this is truly the first time I've felt like this, then that's an accomplishment~!~

I am looking forward to being with almost all of our extended family this Christmas. A nice change from last year, but then again we were with our dear friends for Christmas and New years. Framily, really. I think I'm kinda homesick for them which may be the reason for my scrooge-y feeling!!!! Now, it's time to adjust to the new normal in our lives! The first holidays after major changes are weird and hurt sometimes.

We are going over to my husbands aunt's house for Christmas eve dinner and then on Christmas morning, we will open presents at our house then have our brunch and then around 11-ish we'll make way over to my inlaws for presents there. Jesse has to work that day ~ which sucks, but he will get holiday pay, so that's nice ~ so in the evening, we will again go over to my inlaws for dinner. The boys are very excited. I hope my parents won't mind being at my inlaws so much!

So, that is our plans ~ what are your plans? I do love to hear about everyone's traditions ~ and I may just steal them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Leave a comment!!!!!
Love you all very much. Have a very merry and Blessed Christmas!!!!!!!

I'm an aunt again!

I'm so excited! My sister in law Suzanne had another baby boy today! Noah Asa Pyne was born on 12/14/2009 weighing in at 7 lbs. 1 oz and 19 1/2 inches long!




He is so absolutely adorable! He's got this gorgeous black hair and the most pinchable cheeks! I can't wait to get my hands on him. Because of stupid hospital policies due to the swine flu "epidemic" no one is allowed to visit Suzanne or Noah except her parents and her hubby. Which totally stinks ~ but................




I am her downstairs neighbor so when she gets home, I can visit anytime and spoil him to pieces!

Here is the footprints they took before he left the OR (she had a c-section).

The footprints look smaller in person!

Here is baby Noah. I wasn't supposed to get this

close, but Brent snuck me in and my inlaws!

I just couldn't get enough of his little face!

I wish you could his luxurious black hair! SOON YOU WILL!

Christmas questions ~

I got this from my dear friend Adrienne's blog and thought it was cute!

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? I loathe egg nog. And I love Hot Chocolate, but I much prefer Wassail

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just set them under the tree? He wraps, of course, and presents don't get put out till Christmas eve, unless it's for someone that doesn't live here (like extended family and such)

3. Colored or white lights on tree/house? I prefer white, Jesse likes multi. So this year, on our tree (a real one!) we have both, but the other decoration lights in our house is white. I also really like the red/green or just red/white ones.

4. Do you hang mistletoe? Kinda, not this year, though. I usually improvise with left over scraps of garland and hang it, but didn't feel like kissin' anyone this year ~ LOL!

5. When do you put your decorations up? Ideally on the Friday/Saturday after thanksgiving, but this year we didn't get them up till the first week in December

6. What is your favorite holiday dish? Green bean casserole! I LOVE the stuff. Then it would be crescent rolls!


7. Favorite holiday memory as a child? I have so many! But the one I remember best is when we lived in South Dakota, my sister moved back to Oklahoma with her boys right before Christmas, so my parents were pretty down. I remember I got tons for Christmas that year, a hope chest a baby grand necklace charm. But what I remember most is getting my parents TONS of stuff and putting out a stocking for them before I woke them up. The look on their faces when I woke them up! PRICELESS!

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? What truth. I'm a believer that Santa is real. What's wrong with that? Huh, so what's your answer :)


9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Well, we open one gift every year on Christmas eve ~ jammies. I love it. And since the aforementioned Santa doesn't come until Christmas eve, there is nothing to open till Christmas morning!!!!!!


10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? I don't have a theme. I love all the Hallmarks, and glass ornaments and snowflakes and all different mishmash of stuff I have. I wouldn't mind having a separate primitive country themed one in another room ~ smaller of course.!

11. Snow? Love it or dread it? This is the first time we've been out of S. Florida for a holiday in several years. I LOVE snow. I wouldn't mind a white Halloween through New years, then it better all go away and be sunny and warm. So it truly is a love/hate relationship

12. Can you ice skate? The last time I remember ice skating, I think i was in elementary school. So probably not!

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? Mickey mouse watch and my hope chest

14. What is the most important thing about the holidays for you? Spending time with my family and seeing everyone healthy and happy.

15. What is your favorite holiday dessert? IDK! I like pretty much all but if you held a gun to my head and had me pick, I'd have to say maybe, Peanut Butter fudge. I just can't make it.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Having to take a sleeping pill to sleep on christmas eve!

17. What tops your tree? A rusty star

18. Which do you prefer, giving or receiving? I'll admit it. I love getting! But anymore, I rarely get :) but I also love to give! It is just so hard when a person is just difficult to buy for. Kinda takes the joys out of the giving when they are picky or don't tell you any idea of what they want. Oh, yeah, and "the family all together and healthy" doesn't quite do it for me. Give me a tangible idea already!!!!!!!!

19. Candy Canes, yuck or yum? Not a huge fan of the peppermint, but I L-O-V-E the cherry ones!

20. Favorite Christmas show? White Christmas, Elf, and all time fave is Albert Finney's Scrooge. Oh and can't forget the Santa Clause Trilogy ~ that is the most accurate depiction of how and who Santa is!


21. Saddest Christmas song? Christmas isn't Christmas without you ~ The holiday's that Jesse was deployed, I sat in my apartment with the patio door open, Christmas lights on, drinking Hot Chocolate and just repeating that song. But it's one of my faves too!

22. What is your favorite Christmas song? WOW, this is a hard one! I love the Christmas Canon. And I'll be home for Christmas and Merry Christmas, Darling!

Decorating the Tree. The tree topper is new and my favorite. I love the primitive country look!

More from today. The boys enjoyed playing in the snow with their cousins while Jesse and I got the tree up, and lights on it.

It's beginning to look alot like Christmas!!!!!!!!

Here are some pix from our tree shopping trip. The snow was just beginning to fall! It was SO pretty. And a "God loves me" today! I truly was a bit down. It hasn't felt much like Christmas. But the snow just made my day! It was what I truly needed! Bless the LORD oh, my soul and forget not ALL His benefits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, maybe there's hope!

I did get to go out today ~ but I wouldn't say the masses were teaming!!!!!!!! It was great fun. I made it to all the stores I intended to and Gunner was great. Tucker, not so much ~ he kept saying that shopping so long made his tummy sick. JUST LIKE A MAN.
But I got almost all of my shopping done. I just have a couple things left to get the boys ~ I tried to sneak in a few things, but Tucker is one vigilant little booger. So, that didn't happen!
Tucker got to talk to Santa. He even told him a few things he wanted, and since Xav wasn't there, he told Santa what Xav wanted.
Santa made magic happen ~ he "wrote" down what the guys wanted and magically the labelled list disappeared to the North Pole. Then Santa sang Jingle Bells with them and it was great. Gotta say he was one of the best Santa's I have ever seen. That's saying something cause I've known a few REALLY good ones!!!!!!!!
Tucker was quite enchanted with Santa. Him and Xav informed me last night that they would always believe in Santa. I doubt that, but it makes me so happy that they believe in Santa. Heck, I truly believe with all my heart that Santa is real! Santa makes the holiday seem even more magical and I love the innocence it brings out in the kids. I know that Santa isn't the reason for Christmas. And I emphasize with my kids that it is all about celebrating God's greatest GIFT. Jesus Christ.
My favorite authors Brock and Bodie Thoene are writing a series of books (well, it's almost done now) called the AD Chronicles and books 4, 5, & 6 all are about the events surrounding the birth of John the Baptist and Jesus. It's the Nativity story and it is awesome. You should read it sometime! It makes the story of Christ's birth more real. I love it!
Anywho ~ I am starting to be less bah humbug and more Merry CHRISTmas. I had an enjoyable time today! Now, I can't wait to get our tree tomorrow and be able to truly be DONE with my christmas decorating and move on to more important things like baking a zillion cookies!!!!!!!!!
With Christmas Love and wishes!!!!!!

Tara

It's shopping day

I have decided that ~ after feeling rather bah-humbug-y ~ I need to get out amongst the teaming masses today. Something I haven't really done in ages. So I am going to try to kick start my Christmas spirit. After all, according to some people (wink wink, Kayte) I am the holiday guru. Which I'm very flattered by the way!
We haven't even gotten a tree yet! Jesse said that once all my other decorating was done, then we'd get a tree. Well, it's done so Saturday we are getting a tree. BUT I am having such a dilemma knowing that it will come down almost as soon as I put it up. Now mind you, I'm so not a perfect tree kinda girl. I have no theme to my tree. I have all sorts of ornies for it from Hallmarks to handmade, balls to bells, whatnots and doodads! So It really won't take as long going up and I'm really thinking of just putting some out not all.
Why depress everyone with this, you ask?! Well, I guess I'm just hoping for a little validation! I truly hope I'm not the only one who gets in the Christmas slump every now and then. But then again, I hope I am the only one who gets in the Christmas slump.
I know it is the fact that I put too much emphasis on the things of Christmas that don't matter. The gift buying and the decorating. I just need to refocus and remember what Christmas is all about. Receiving the greatest gift ever. Jesus Christ. And I hope today that you have received HIM too!!!!!!!!
Have a very merry CHRISTmas!

Today....................

has been a totally crazy. I felt SO lazy. I got all my Christmas stuff out and it is all just scattered around. I'm trying to figure out where everything should go. And what should stay boxed up. And I just don't feel like doing any of it!!!!!!! But I must needs get cracking if it is to get done before Christmas which is ~~~~~~~ EEEKKKKKKK! ~~~~~~~~~~ 23 days away.
I hope you are all having a very blessed preparation time for Christmas. It truly is one of the most wonderful times of year!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now, just bring on the snow!!!!!!!

So maybe a bit of Christmas spirit yet..........

This morning, Jesse let me sleep in (yay, for him, but he owed me big time so........) and he got Xav ready and took him to school. So I woke up this morning with all the shades closed and got Gunner and sat down in the recliner with him and turned on cartoons on playhouse disney.
A few minutes later, my mom called (from Illinois) and said is it snowing? and I dejectedly said, NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO :( She said are you sure?! so i looked out the the window and there were flakes coming down and snow partially covering the ground. IT'S SNOWING!!!!!!!!! And now I've got a christmas kind of feeling!!!!!!!!!
I went shopping last night and just couldn't buy much of anything. I did buy the greenery for the flower basket on my front porch. But that just didn't feel right. NOW ~~~~~~~~
I'm glad I did cause NOW I feel like Christmas!!!!!!!!
Merry Christmas ya'll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Christmas spirit or bah humbug?

So, which are you ~
Are you the Christmas spirit, or, are you the bah humbug of the bunch?

This year, this day, I feel more bah humbug-ish than I think I have ever. Why? I really don't know. Maybe it's the lack of snow, but that may not necessarily be it being as the last few Christmas's were spent in balmy South Florida. Maybe it's because I have to wait to get a tree ~ we are getting a real live tree. Maybe it's that I am dreading taking the boxes of fall decorations downstairs, and lugging the Christmas ones up. Maybe it's knowing that my awesome husband will be working Christmas Eve AND Christmas day. I don't know...........
Any way you cut it, this year, this day it's kinda a bah humbug, scrooge-ish kinda day. Maybe I should watch my Albert Finney Scrooge and White Christmas and Elf, all in that Order and hopefully that may just vault me into a Christmas spirit kind of gal.
But I think I shall sit down with a mug of hot Wassail and anticipate breaking my back lugging boxes up and down.
Anywho ~ I'm hoping you are having a very blessed happy Christmas spirit!!!!!!!!
~ Bah, humbug ~ and a very Merry Christmas to you!!!!!!

I'm grateful for.....................

Thanksgiving.
It is my most favorite holiday. It isn't about having to get gifts for every. single. person you know. The only cost involved is for the dinner. This holiday is all about being with those you love and who love you. It is an awesome way to make us slow down, sit down, and give thanks to our wonderful Heavenly Father for all the Blessings he has bestowed upon us.

I have a few favorite verses for Thanksgiving. My most favorite is: Psalm 100:4 Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise; be thankful unto him, and bless his name!

I read that a few years ago and it struck me that HE blesses us, but we are told to be thankful and to bless HIM. I am to bless God. Not the superficial "well, bless God, brother". Which brings me to another one of my favorite verses ~ that I find myself saying throughout the days, here recently. Psalm 103:1 - 2 Bless the Lord, oh my soul, and all that is within me bless His holy NAME. Bless the Lord oh my soul and forget not all His benefits.
Bless the Lord, HE has given me more than I deserve and HIS benefits are mighty and awesome.

So, while I am waiting on my freshly mopped floor to dry, I wanted to take a second to share a few of the benefits that the Lord has Blessed ME with and in doing so I hope to bless HIS NAME!

~ My wonderful Husband Jesse, who works hard and long and takes such good care of us. He is the most amazing man I know, and I feel privileged to be able to be his wife. He's such an awesome daddy. His wife and children always come first. He adores spending time with his boys and I hope that one day, they will be just like him, for he is the best example available.
~ My 3 little guys ~ Xavier, Tucker and Gunner. They are so awesome. They overlook so many of my faults and love me unconditionally. I pray for them daily and I thank God that he saw fit to let me ~ flawed and broken ~ be their mom.
~ My extended family ~ the ups and downs that come with many people and personalities, sometimes clashing, but getting along pretty good. I'm grateful I'm part of good families who love each other.
~ My house ~ It's small, but it is warm, cozy and God provided it for us.
~ My truck ~ heated seats and all. I actually laughed when Jesse told me that was one of the "extras" on our used vehicle we were purchasing. I mean after all, we lived in South Florida, when would we ever need those? But, God in his infinite wisdome, looked into the future and knew I would be super grateful on those cold NY mornings!
~ My "things" ~ unlike my sister in law Kayte, I am so NOT anti-stuff! Much to Jesse's chagrin. I love all my little sentimental do-dads and decorations!!!!!!!!!! But I'm trying to scale down just a wee bit!
~ My friends who are like family. They have helped us survive the last 10 years. Being in the Marine Corps we moved around a few times. And the Lord in his awesome mercy saw that we met who we needed. Janice and Harold were our family in North Carolina. We still make trips to see them. my boys call them Gramma Janice and Grampa Harold. I love them and am so grateful for them and the sacrifices they made for our family. And the church family in South Florida. We spent all the holidays together when we were in town. We were very close knit and I miss them so very much.
~ My friends who are very dear to me. These are my most recent. And I am excited to get to know them more and bring them into the category above!!!!!!!
~ My faith. Without God, there were so many things in my life I would not have survived. He has been ever faithful to uphold with HIS right hand and I will never stop being grateful to HIM for all he has done for me!

Anyhow ~
I've been terribly busy for the last few weeks, and I know I'm gonna be swamped busy the next couple days, so I just wanted to post something since it's been awhile!
Have a marvelous, blessed Thanksgiving! I got to go start baking. We are having family over on Thanksgiving, and I am SO excited! Have a wonderful safe Thanksgiving!

Ta Ta

I'm grateful for.....................

November 10.
Today is one of my most favorite days. This is the day of the Marine Corps birthday.
I am a Marine wife. The saying goes "Once a Marine, always a Marine". Well, I say, Once a Marine wife, always a Marine wife.
I am so thankful for all of our armed forces, but most especially for the Marine Corps. (It's the men's side of the Navy. :) )
I'm so proud that my husband served almost 8 years in the Marine Corps. He did what alot of people (and a few presidents) were unwilling to do. He served his country. He enlisted before 9-11 happened. And he stayed in beyond that.
Xavier and I made sacrifices too. We served too. We kept the home fires burning through 3 deployments.
I'm thankful for all the family members who also make that sacrifice.
After we were stationed in Miami at an I&I station, Jesse performed many Marines funerals.
I'm grateful for those who made the ultimate sacrifice. They gave their lives for me.
Jesse has had the honor of presenting the folded flag to grieving family members.
I'm even more grateful for those families who also made the greatest sacrifice. They gave their son or daughter, husband or wife, father or mother. For me and mine.
Being a Marine Corps family fills me with such pride. We may not be in the corps anymore, but, I am still proud of what we accomplished. We came out stronger in life and stronger together.
I am proud of what being a Marine means ~ Honor Courage Commitment. Semper Fidelis ~ always faithful.
I miss it too. In our last duty station, I was honored to be a Key volunteer. I served the family members whose loved one was deployed. I was honored to be able to do the annual holiday dinner for the unit. It was the highlight of my year. There's nothing like serving those who serve. Most of our closest friends we have we met either in the Marine Corps, or because of where the Marine Corps sent us.
I'm grateful that we were allowed to serve in the Greatest branch of the Military.
We were in the United States Marine Corps.
My husband was a Marine.
Sgt. Jesse McCoy ~ I LOVE YOU

Happy Birthday, devil dogs
Semper Fi
OORAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm grateful for.....................

My husband! And sweet memories

{My computer has crashed and we've completely rebooted the whole thing, lost lots of doc's, found them, then the keyboard won't work all the time, so I have been unable to update my blog like I have wanted to}

11 years ago today, Jesse told me that he loved me. It was very bitter sweet for me. For it was on the same day that my grandpa Poppy (the only grandpa I knew) had passed away. I still remember that entire day so vividly. I remember the day before that too, for that was the last time I ever spoke to Poppy. He was having one of the last of his lucid moments (he was dying from prostrate cancer) and while I was working in the school switchboard during chapel, my mom called and said that Poppy wanted to talk to me, so I did, and he told me that he loved me and that he was proud of me and that all he ever wanted from me is that I just kept on serving Jesus, no matter how, no matter what. That is the last thing he said to me on this earth. That night, late in the night, he passed on to glory. I was told by my dorm supe Ruthie Vogel early the next morning.
While running around trying to get all my passes figured out, plane tickets and rides to the airports figured out and all that stuff, Jesse was there with me. He was helping me do what I needed which was just mostly his support, and he was awesome with that. My friend Talia, dorm supe Maribel Anaya, and roommate Jamie Stigar all got passes to take me to the airport. While Talia was pulling her car around to load my luggage in, Jesse and I were sitting in the lobby at school (referred to by the students as the drool pool) and he just looked at his hands, then looked me in the eyes and said, before you leave, I just wanted to let you know that I love you. He said he wanted me to know that before I left!
Such a sweetheart! He knew my heart was broken over my Poppy's death, and he helped me with my grief. And to this day, I will never be able to express to him how much his love does for me. He is the most awesome man I know! And I love him very much!
And yes, for all you curious georges, I told him that I loved him too, after the shock wore off, I was already in the car pulling away and I told the girls in the car with me. They slammed on the brakes, asked me if I told him back and I said "I don't think so" so they all hopped out of the car, waved him forward while screaming SHE LOVES YOU TOO. Then I did tell him face to face!
I always have and I always will love him.

I LOVE JESSE MCCOY!!!!!!

I'm grateful for.....................

Xavier! He's such a little sweetheart. I never realized how much I missed having him home with me all day everyday. Yes, I get a little weary being a full time wife and mom. My nerves wear thin and my patience factor is generally at 0%. But that is something I must work on. But he is such a big helper with the baby. I never realized how much I can get done with him here in the mornings compaired to what I can't. Tucker just isn't quite big enough to make sure Gunner doesn't get hurt! He works in a pinch, but still can't leave them for too long! Xavier is just great for when I need showers or need to work in the basement for longer than a few minutes at a time.
Xavier is also very much of a snuggly kind of guy. He LOVES to snuggle with his mommy. Even when I lose my cool and yell at them all day long, at the end of the day, he begs to be able to cuddle on the couch with me. He sees my many shortcomings as a mommy, overlooks them, and loves me in spite of them. He tries his best to be a servant. He likes to make sure at dinner time that if something else is needed from the kitchen, he wants to be the one to get it so mommy can stay at the table and eat. He loves to sing. He sings his little heart out. He compliments me without end. He is tenderhearted! I just love that little guy so much. He does have his shortcomings ~ I can't quite get through to him that cleaning his room does not involve playing, and he would get more things accomplished if the necessary, not-so-fun things just got done first. But I guess that is more my fault than his.
I love his little heart. If we can work out a good work ethic, he will grow up to be such a marvelous man. I just pray that he will be able to say, Thanks mom!

I'm grateful for.....................

computers! I do everything with it! But, ours crashed and before I was able to back everything up, it went into a complete system restore, and I "lost" everything. I was SO upset. Pictures of when Gunner was a baby, halloween's, holidays, little everyday things. LOST. Documents ~ resumes, scanned military docs, and a various amount of stuff. LOST. Or, so I thought. Jesse's cousin Eric told us there is still hope, just search for specific titles and lo, and behold ~ pix popped up, documents popped up. WE still HAVE THEM!!!!!! Now, I'm just trying to back it all up and get it all done before the 'puter dies finally! It seems the computer is fixed after the restore, we just have to reinstall EVERYTHING again and try to get all the updates again. But I'm grateful to have it back up!!!!!!!

IT IS WELL

This is if not my most favorite it's definitely in the top 3 of my most favorite songs of all time. It brings tears to my eyes, and makes my heart rejoice every time I hear it.
I still don't quite know how to put the actual video up so here's the link

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=151233442851&ref=nf

I'm grateful for........

Monday ~
I was grateful for Columbus day. The boys and I were able to spend the day being lazy! It was quite enjoyable. Plus I got to go finish my winter clothes shopping!

Tuesday ~
I was grateful for heated seats in my truck!

Wednesday ~
Today I am grateful for my sister-in-law Suzanne. She takes Xavier to school for me everyday ~ along with her 2 little guys. It is nice to not to have to drag the other 2 out every morning!

I'm grateful for........

Today, I'm grateful that we are blessed enough to live by family. It has it's ups and it's downs. Today was great ~ Sunday family dinner, pizza and wings after church. I'm grateful for family!!!!!!

I'm grateful for........

Very sweet little men.
Jesse went to Home Depot tonight after Gunner was in bed. He was going to take Xav and Tuck with him, but Xav didn't want me to be lonely so he stayed home with me and we played war! They are very sweet tenderhearted little guys that I have. I'm grateful for them and to them.

I'm sorry it has been over a week since my last post. I have truly been more grumbly lately than grateful. And I didn't want to put my vinegar out there for all to see! I did have some thankfulness, but never had a chance to type it out!
One of the biggest from last week was I got to see Melody! When they moved from South Florida, I just didn't feel like we parted on the bestest of terms ~ and we didn't, but that was totally intentional on a 3rd party's part. It was wonderful to see her, even though we didn't get to spend too much time with her. And I am SO very glad to know that they are completely happy. It was wonderful to hug her and make sure they knew we loved them!

Another thing I'm grateful for ~ It is totally Autumn. And I am already making Thanksgiving day menu's, getting recipes together and getting so psyched for our first cold Thanksgiving in 6 years. Thanksgiving is truly my favorite holiday ~ more so than the 4th of July.

I will do better to make sure to be grateful everyday for something, even if it's just that I was able to take a breath!!!!! Every day, I will do my best to be faithful to being grateful!!!!!

I'm grateful for........

How do I narrow it down to just one????????????

Today, I'm very grateful that I have a warm place to sleep and live. Well, it would be warm if I could every bring myself to turn the heater on!!!!!! It's been damp and chilly, {and though, when I sit and shiver I sometimes catch myself longing for balmy South Florida,} but I am enjoying it. Now, I just wish someone would produce a autumn cd so I could listen to my autumn cd and get a mug of warm apple cider and curl up in a blanket and read.
I'm grateful that my apartment is cozy and that we are so very happy in it. It may be small and we don't have all our furniture with us, we are surviving! And it's nice to know that my apartment is not only owned by my husbands grandmother, but her mother used to live in it, Grampa Berg picked out the carpet for this apartment, Jesse's mom lived here before she got married and picked out the cabinets and hardware and made a very trendy "wall" separating the kitchen and dining. It is like a family heirloom. Now my kids are living in a place where several family members have lived. Kinda neat history.
I'm just thankful that we have such a nice place to live!

Ta ~

I'm grateful for........

God's Word.
This morning I woke up and literally said "Good Lord, I don't want to wake up and get out of bed". But I had to because I had to get Xav off to school. But it was cold in the house and I was lovely cozy in my bed.
But, I then opened my Bible to Lamentations 3. And the verses 22 and 23 said:
It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.

I'm grateful that the Word of God is still relevant in my life today. It is still convicting. It is still written to ME!
That is also one of my favorite fall hymns.

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.

Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

Gratefulness

Wow ~ how bad am I?! I start the week out saying I was going to post something everyday for which I am grateful. THEN I forget! So let me catch up ~~~~~

Monday ~
Grateful I didn't break my leg ~ but, I did post I was grateful Xav was in a real school!!!!!!

Tuesday ~
I was grateful my sister in law Suzanne took Xav to school, because I woke up pretty sore, and totally didn't feel like getting the other 2 monsters up and out.

Today ~
I'm grateful that I'm God's child. I'm grateful that HE loved me enough to give HIS ONLY SON to take my punishment. I am grateful that HE is merciful, gracious and most loving and compassionate and that HIS mercies are fresh and new every morning. I know I will never be able to thank HIM enough for all HE has done for me, but I hope that I live my life as a living testament to HIS mercy and grace! Phil. 3:10

Here's a video of gunner being crazy!!

Monday

On Monday, Xav had his first field trip ~ hiking to the top of Bald (Rondaxe) Mountain. I decided I wanted to go, so I did. Tucker and I crashed in on the field trip and it was beautiful. BUT ~ it made me realiz how out of shape I am. But I MADE IT TO THE TOP. A little slower than the others, but I MADE IT! And it was beautiful. It was a little cloudy at the top, but a little lower we could see the finger lakes and the trees were changing and it was absolutely gorgeous. Once I dig my camera out of my purse I will post pictures.
Tucker did better than anyone there. He only stumbled a couple times. It was cute! Me ~ I did okay going up, coming down a different story. I fell about 3 times. The first time, I was certain I broke something, but didn't. I'm still feeling the effects of it and today I am so stiff. It was very sweet cause the first time I fell and about broke my leg, I kept telling him, go on ahead, I'll catch up, just want to take a minute to rest. But Xav sat down with me and said "mom, I'm not leaving without you". He is such a darling good kid!
But Xav had such a good time, and I am grateful that he gets to be in "a real school". And he didn't mind his clutzy mom and kid brother tagging along either.

Just some more Pictures

Here are some more pictures of the family!

Finally!

Hey, everyone!
I'm so sorry for not having updated my blog recently! I have been busy, busy busy!!!!! I will also post pictures!

Well, as I sit here, I have one window and the front door open. The others are closed cause it is rather chilly here. And I am listening to the beautiful sound of a lovely fall rain. I'm so excited ~ IT'S AUTUMN!!! I have my house all decked out with my fall decorations. It's so purty, if I do say so myself!
This is my favorite season, and always make me stop to count my blessings. I think that from now till New Years, I will post one thing a day that I am thankful for ~ and it may just be a one liner, but I am determined to get it in.
Sometimes, I get too caught up in the frustrations of day to day living that I stop to be grateful for the big and little blessings.
Today's blessing ~ feeling/seeing the beauty of Autumn. The colors, cool temps, the smells. I just love it. I love cooking warm stuff like beef stews and making apple crisps. It's so comforting to me. And I am especially grateful for it this year, it being our first autumn after having no autumn in Florida. I pray I will never forget and will always be thankful that God saw fit to move us to beautiful Central New York. Thank you, Lord!!!!!!!
Now, about the fam!
We are finally settled, though I am still organizing things.
Jesse is still working at Precision Polish and not liking it any better, but his boss is good to him and we are just grateful he has a paying job. He's also in school and not enjoying that none too much either, but is determined to persevere. Although, I must say it is kinda easy for him, seeing as I am the one doing his papers and such ~ :) But, I don't mind, he works long and hard so it's the least I can do!
Him and his dad also got the basement done for my laundry room. It is so nice to have laundry facilities and not have to drag everything to my inlaws or the laundromat. And Jesse has made it very nice down there for me. He's a sweetie pie!





Xavier is LOVING going to school. And he is doing rather well. I think it's been so very good for him. He usually has a little homework every night, but that isn't too bad! He does get out at noon so he is usually done by 3 with it all! And I think he is getting used to getting up early {though, his momma doesn't like it much}. And he is getting to be such a big help around the house. We give him chores to do, and he's getting better at it all the time ~ he likes when we don't have to "pay him twice" to do a job. He gets better rewarded when it's done right the first time!




Tucker hates that Xav is in school, ~ sometimes. He does like having the Xbox 360 all to himself. But even that gets boring after a while. We are working with him on his speech. And it is getting better slowly but surely. And he can draw rather well. His favorite thing during the day is "getting homeschooled". I got him some of those preschool workbooks that he does just to try to get him ready for school next year, and he's doing a mighty fine job, although, he only wants to do the fun stuff, but not the tedious like learning his letters. Oh, well, I try not to push him too hard; I do want him to enjoy school later on!
Gunner is just such a cutie! He is FINALLY walking. I am going to try to post a video of it so ya'll can see his first faltering steps. And he's learning to talk some. We got him (or I should say, Jesse got him) to say Thank you and You're Welcome. He's such a ham. He likes to put buckets on his head and crawl around with them on while he's talking. He LOVES how it sounds and he will just crack himself up. Q-T-PIE!!!!!!!
I am just busy trying to keep up with everything. I am officially on a diet which I loathe. It's sad when you wake up in the morning and your skin hurts and you realize that it's because it's stretching to accomodate the things you are feeding it. I'm hoping I can do well with it. I am not known for my grand will power with food, or consistency to do my workouts the way I should. But, here's to trying!
And on the other hand, I am trying to start baking more and trying new things for the family. And I am already salivating over the thoughts of the Thanksgiving meal. But anyhow! I am good otherwise. Happy. I love my family and I love where we live. I am just HAPPY!!!!!!!

I've got a autumn feeling

Hey! Today was pretty cool.
On the way to church, I saw a tree that started to turn the beautiful golds and reds. YAY! It's about to start being the most beautiful time of year.
And we had our first bonfire at my inlaws tonight after church. Roasted marshmellows and hotdogs and played with fire and all that jazz!
I took some pictures, but will post them tomorrow. We are going on a fishin' picnic for Labour Day. So I will soon post pictures of it all at some point this week!

Ta for now!

Today

Today has been a nice day!
Gramma and Grampa took Xav and Tuck to the NY State fair today and they are STILL gone! It has been almost like Mom's day off! I still had Gunner, but he's a pretty pleasant critter! It was nice to get to be with him by himself! He is a funny kid!
It has been such a loverly day! It was cool and not at all summer like! We have been having to break out some jackets and I LOVE it! And it's supposed to be like this at least through the weekend! Which will be nice cause Saturday, we are planning on going to the NY State fair. I am not as froggy as my inlaws so I doubt I will be able to be there from open to close, but if the older ones can do it, maybe (and that's a big MAYBE :) ) I can survive a few hours!!!
I am excited. Jesse has talked of the NY State Fair since we decided to move back here. So I can't wait to see what all his hub-bub is all about!
Jesse is getting ready to start school come Sept. 1st. I'm excited and nervous that he gets to do it! I don't know about him.
Xavier starts in "a real school" on the 9th. Which is super exciting for him. He can't wait!!!! But what he also doesn't know is that my mom will be taking a train up here for a few days. I plan on surprising the boys with that the day she gets in ~ gonna take them to show them the train station and voila Nana will be there! So fun! They will be beside themselves. And I can't even begin to explain how hard it is to keep this secret! But, I have never been able to keep this kind of secret so I plan to this time!
Well, I shall sign off ~ not much is going on ~ just everyday life! Finally we are almost settled!

Here's some pictures

Per request ~ I have decided that since I cannot sleep tonight ~ I shall try to put up some pictures! Hope you enjoy!!! These first ones are just a test for me!

Getting settled in ~

I know I haven't said lately (or probably ever for that matter) ~ but I am loving being in New York. I never really expected to, but I am so very glad we made this move. I
My boys are loving having their cousins to play with all the time. I love having my sister in law living above me ~ it makes things VERY convenient. If I have a quick errand to run, or if she does, we don't have to drag the kiddies out. Plus, it's fun to have dinner or dessert with them several times a week. I love that my boys can wake up and say hey, mom, can we go to gramma and grampa's today! I love being able to see his aunt and uncle at church and just talk to them whenever we want to.
The cons right now are that we don't have laundry facilities and it seems that laundry builds up SUPER DUPER FAST, and that we went from a 1600 sf 4/2 house to an apartment half that size, but it's bigger than I expected!!!!!! And we are very comfy here. Just can't wait to be able to start hanging up pictures and get these last few boxes out of here!!!!!!!!
I am so looking forward to the fall. From the way I understand it, we really get to start to feel fall in just a few weeks. I am so excited!!!!!! Last night at church, we were standing outside talking and caught a whiff of something burning (like an outdoor fireplace) and it just made me REALLY want fall!!!!! I can't wait to do s'mores with the boys and rake leaves and go hiking in the changing colors of fall!!!!
I know that Jesse is having more of a difficult adjustment to this change we have made. I think he misses his career as a police officer. He won't admit it, but I can just tell that he is down. He is thankful that he has a job, but I know he doesn't love it. And that makes getting up and going to work every day a chore, not something to look forward to. He is trying to get enrolled in classes for this fall, and I think that only with the job he has will be be able to ~ so, maybe once he gets started in classes, maybe he will end up appreciating his job a little more. I just hope that ~ even though come Sept. 30th, he would've still lost his job at BSO ~ he doesn't regret making this move.
Anywho ~ I am going to be starting on a weight loss program ~ I don't know how I ended up gaining so much weight in the last 3 months. Oh, wait, YES I DO. I am an eater when I am stressed and the last 3 months have been nothing BUT stress!!!!!! So, wish me luck as I attempt to lose a few pounds. And hopefully, it will just be the beginning and I can hit the pound mark that I'm aiming for!

I'm BBBAAAAAAAACCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!

Well, it has been a very long, exhausting, and hectic few weeks. We finally got moved and are practically settled in. We like it, my boys are LOVING it. Our apartment is below my sister in law and my oldest 2 love to play with her oldest 2. They have played outside all day almost everyday that we've been here. They LOVE it. And it's nice for me too!!!! :)

But since we have left, our church that we have been a part of has been going through a massive upheaval. I may not be there, but my heart still hurts for what has transpired. But I know it will all be worked out. But the thing that is breaking my heart the most is that I have been noticing that alot of crap has been strewn about and it is causing people to say UGLY things about people who were once considered part of the family. The family I so didn't want to leave has now fallen apart.
Just for the record, if we were still there, we more than likely wouldn't have stayed. We would've chosen to allow that church to be unified without my dissent. I kept my mouth shut for so long there about stuff we didn't agree with, but had no power to change because of the "powers that be", and maybe we should've pulled out a long time ago, but chose to stay whether we agreed or not ~ never over doctrinal stuff. But, that is neither here nor there.
But what bothers me the most is to see the people who have chosen to stay, throwing stones at the people who have chosen a different path ~ one that is best for their own family. It breaks my heart to see and to hear of the mud slinging going on. Sounds to me that some who have stayed have been drinking some koolaid that has been made with a special ingredient, but I digress. I still love all those people. It seems to me that they don't realize that when you take off the here and now glasses and look through the eyes of eternity no matter where we went to church, no matter who did what to whom, all that is gonna matter is knowing that no matter who you are your knee is gonna bow down and proclaim that Jesus is Lord to the Glory of God the Father. You will not be able to claim "I stayed so I'm better than someone that left." Or "I never wore pants so I get a better spot in heaven than so and so because they wore pants to church functions." Or, "I went to this college, so I am better than them cause they went to a different one." Or, I have a better talent, or anything. IT'S NOT GONNA MATTER. EVERY knee will bow. EVERY tongue will confess. Your works won't matter. It's not about you. It's about HIM and being in the best place where you can serve HIM. And it's in HIS timing and HIS placement. PERIOD.
So I just wish mud would stop being slung and people could just love one another despite where we go to church, or how we feel led by the Lord. Love each other for what we mean to another. That is something that I had to consider and something I didn't practice very well, but I strive to be better at that. All we have to remember is to look through the eyes of Christ and realize HE didn't always hang out with the religious. They shunned him because he chose to be the friends of people not accepted in their circles. We need to learn to be more like Christ. "A friend loveth at ALL times." True friendship is not meted out by where we attend church or things like that. If you were a friend once to a person, no matter what they do, or where they go, if you were truly their friend, you still will be.
But that's all I have to say to that issue!!!!!!!
I love you all very much and miss you each individually.

Off for a little while

Well, today will probably be my last day on the 'puter for a little while. We pack everything in the truck tomorrow ~ :0) Hopefully it will be done tomorrow, that is!
Then we have our last service at church. Then right after church, we are having a birthday party for my little Gunner. Today is his first birthday! And I can't help but remember every single teensy detail of everything that went on a year ago. Don't have time to elaborate tonite, as I am swamped, but hopefully soon I can put up all the emails I sent during that time. Let's just say, I am so grateful to having seen God's merciful loving caring hand in the life of my monster sized preemie! HE's an awesome God who cares deeply for little ones!

Happy birthday, Gunner Ethan! Mommy loves you!

And I shall catch everyone up on the move once we get there! Ta for now!

A rainy day

It has been overcast and rainy all afternoon. But I did step outside to throw something away and, boy, was it ever muggy ~ sticky and icky. I won't miss that. But I will miss somethings about South Florida! We had a loverly "Palmetto Bug" ~ a bug that back home we call a roach, but it's gianormous. Another thing I won't miss about living in the everglades!

But my heart has been so blessed this week by VBS. I was able to do what I love to do ~ teach. And, my students have just blessed my soul this week. I am ever so grateful that I was able to do this one last time before we left. And just being able to be fun and crazy with the kids was just a blessing too! I was just totally blessed this week in ways I can't explain.
I will truly miss our church. We will never find a church like it ever again. There is just such a love in it that is truly unique. How grateful I have been to have been able to be a part of just such a church.

Today, I am busy packing. Getting stuff done, but then again, feeling quite overwhelmed that it may not be quite enough. So, maybe I need to get off this stupid contraption and get to work!!!! :0) But where's the fun in that. Actually, I am taking a much needed break. I seem to have been walking in circles. Leave one room to go get something, get halfway there, forget something else that I was going to bring out with me, go back, but turn around thinking I'll forget what I was originally going after then turning around again really wanting to pack the other thing and.........................well, you get the picture! So, I needed to sit down and just do nothing but type for a little bit and kinda gather my wits about me again! Later I do have to drag all 3 boys out to the store for a couple things.
Like school pants. Xavier will be going to a Christian school up in New York, which is very exciting for him being as he's been homeschooled for the last 3 years. But, he is in need of pants that aren't cargo's. Down here because even most of the public schools have uniforms, those pants (non-cargo's) are super duper easy to find, but not sure of the selection in NY. And I don't like to order clothes online cause I like to at least hold them up to see if they are close to the right size! So I get to go clothes shopping for the boy!
We are looking forward to our upcoming move, but every day I become more emotional about it cause it's starting to hit me that we are moving. And that we will be around family. We have been on our own and independent that I am unsure how we will fit in, mesh you might say, with everyone and definitely worried about finding a place to work in the church we will be going to. But I suppose that when you already are plugged in at one church, it is hard to imagine how easily we will plug in to another vastly different church! So I am a great big ball of hormonal emotions ~ but the great thing is ~ I know I'm not pregnant!!!!!!!!!!

Down time

I am SSSOOOOOOOO ready for it. I spend my days packing/looking for jobs/packing. Then I get to rush around trying to get 3 little boys and myself ready for VBS!!! Then spend a lovely, but exhausting, night at vbs. I can tell I am so not as animated as I have been in the past. Pastor told me tonight it was just cause I am gettin' old. I don't consider that too nice ~ albeit right on the money!!!!!!!!
I am so emotional too right now! I cry just about everyday. Oh, well, that is what change is all about. Growing pains do hurt! I am so not wanting to leave, but know it is what is best for my family. So I will and knowing it is good and right won't make it easy, but it does help.
So many of my dear friends have asked to come and help me pack. And I so much appreciate it, but, my house has never been so ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ like disgusting I really don't want people to see my lack of housecleaning skills right now! And it has boxes everywhere we barely have room to walk!!!! So, if you are one of my dear friends who has offered ~ Thanks, and it's not that I would not love the company, I would be embarassed to have you see my house in the shap it's in! Love ya, though!
The boys are thoroughly enjoying VBS this year. I have been telling them every day ~ "the girls are gonna win the penny parade, so don't get disappointed when the boys lose and the girls win". Xavier especially couldn't handle it last year when the girls won. He just broke down and cried each time. Bless his sweet little heart. The boys lost by exactly 1 penny last year. So sad, but because of how involved they are I wanted to prepare them for the worst ~ the boys' biggest contributors have moved and usually I do what I can with as much as is available to me (I will usually give blank checks if need be ;) ), but Jesse has forbidden it this year since we are moving and all. So I have only contributed about a dollar per kid each night! Basically whatever change is lying around. And they are ready for the girls to win, but still get into the fun of it all! But ~ for the past 2 nights the boys have amazingly won ~ we are ahead by $37.99. It is shocking and astounding. We are so very excited, but know the hammer will soon drop. But it makes me happy. The girls out number the boys by almost 4 to 1, so it is rather shocking.
And it is so fun ~ I get into the whole boy/girl thing. Of course, since I have all boys, I get to be an honorary boy for VBS week. And it is fun, I sit with the boys and I scream for the boys side! I love it. I think everyone gets a real chuckle out of it too!!!!! I truly am going to miss it next year, but maybe I might be able to sneak back into town for it, who knows!
This week, I am teaching the Jr. (oldest class) class. I love it. I am not really all about the book, so I just use the material and make it into my own kinda lesson. I think it's fun. And for the past 2 nights I have had parents tell me that their children are truly enjoying my class and it's their favorite part of vbs. That just truly blesses me to know that I (as loud and boisterous and dorky as I am) am being used of God. PTL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's only just begun.............

Man, now I have that Karen Carpenter song in my head ~ We've only just begun..........To LLLIIIIIIIIIIVVVVEEE Haha ~ now you do too!!

Anywho, today has FINALLY started to settle down for me! We have been busy at church trying to get it all ready for VBS starting Monday. Not quite done yet ~ I've got a feeling it's gonna be a late night tomorrow night, then an early day Monday just to get it lookin' good! Oh, well, it will be worth it!!!!!!!! But it was a long, tiring day!

Yesterday, Jesse went and got a lot of boxes for me and I feel as if I've accomplished alot cause I got 10 boxes packed last night! Maybe I can motivate myself to get some more done tonight if I can just get 2 little munchkins down for the night ~ the 3rd has been down for quite awhile!

It finally is starting to feel real, now that I am getting starting on my packing. I'm so EXCITED! I'm one of those REALLY weird people who actually likes to move. I know!!! ;) Jesse's aunt emailed me pictures last night of our new apartment. It is small (we knew that) but it is only temporary until we can just get on our feet and established with jobs. So, Jesse is constantly on me about how much we can actually keep with us. It is so hard when I am packing to determine if I can live without something for a few months and what I absolutely MUST have. Then I have the boxes that have actual ? marks on them for "if I can keep them with me, it would be great, but if not, keep them handy while in the store room so I can get into them if need be". More than likely, Jesse will not be happy, but there are some things that I have to have/put up to just make it feel homey. So I guess the battle of wills will commence shortly!

I have alot of people questioning me (about why we are moving)because of everything they hear on the news about the layoffs and such. Here's the scoop ~ End of May, Jesse was given his pink slip saying he was gonna be laid off come July 31st. They have been trying to find the financing to save the road deputy jobs. None of the federal grants came through and aren't expected to come through. The Sheriff then asked all deputies to take non paid furlough's to donate the needed monies to save the road deputy jobs. The last day was July 16th. Guess what ~ on July 16th, word came down that enough furlough days were donated to save deputy jobs through September 30th. But here's the catch, ~ their layoff's weren't rescinded. They were just extended through the end of September. They were told in a similar meeting to the one on ones when the their pink slips were given to them that funds just aren't there to guarentee their jobs after September 30th, but that they were hoping some federal monies would be available by then. Jesse decided that we were moving before ~ but the decision was confirmed after that came to light. It is not the time to be messing around with unknowns. All we know is we have a job, a place to live, and a school for Xavier to go to that isn't a public school (public schools just aren't for us) and family to help take care of the other ones! We have to go where there is work available for us and that we can afford to survive.

We have truly loved our time in Florida ~ we love our church and our framily here. The winters are LOVERLY! But, apparently it's time to move on and we are ever so ready and excited to see what life has in store for us next.

Yep ~~~~~~~

Yep, we finally made the ultimate decision.
We are going to NEW YORK. I'm excited and nervous and anxious and............well, I will stop with all the synonyms! It truly was a decision that was hard to come to. Yes, we had already decided that NY is where we would go should it come to it. But, it came down today to having to juggle money that wasn't there with the bills that were ever looming and we knew what we had to do. We had to give up some stuff ~ like our lovely life in Florida, possibly our house back to the bank ~ to be able to keep other stuff ~ mostly, my sanity, our car, and our happy little family to be happy. One of the great lessons I have learned is that things don't matter. That no matter where I am and whatever situation I am in, I have learned that THINGS don't matter. Having my family happily together and not stressed out all the time is what matters the most.
Godliness with contentment is great gain and For I have learned that whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.
Paul goes on in Phil. 4 to say he knows how to be abased (dirt poor and humble) and how to abound (with riches). I know that it is difficult. But I want to be an example to my kids of God's grace to get us through anything and to be content no matter where God's grace puts me.
I have learned that my family needs me to not be so stressed. Which for the past few months, I have been stressed beyond my capabilities to digest it. It has hurt my relationship (not irrepairably) with my husband ~ we just seem to be nit picky with each other ~ and with my kids. I spent all my time looking at jobs ~ first few weeks I put out many hundreds of resume's of Jesse's down here and I have done that plus some for up north. Xavier told me the other day that he misses me playing with him. Now that we are settled on this issue, I feel more peaceful and able to just stop and play with them.
I am NOT expecting a bed of roses when we get there. I know that I will be working full time and so will Jesse and he will probably be going to college and we won't be seeing each other as much, but knowing that we won't have to juggle money as much will take a very large and heavy load off of me. And knowing that he isn't the only one being expected to bring in money to support our family will take alot of stress out on him too. Our minds will rest a little better at night knowing we have made the best possible decision available for the best interest of our family. I know it will be rough, but it's nothing that other people haven't had to go through. And, having family around to help us with the boys will make a world of difference.
But I am sad that I am leaving my framily and our church. We decided to tell everyone today because we didn't want to spring it on them 2 days before we pulled out! I'm getting teary just thinking about our last service. It will be hard and tearful. I am so thankful that I get to teach one last time at our VBS. I told Jenn that it was a good send off!
I am so grateful for our church. My two youngest boys were born here while in this church. My church family showered each of them with love and gifts. And prayed for each of us. All three of my boys were dedicated and prayed over by our wonderful Pastor. When Gunner was born and had to be in the NICU for 8 days, we had people praying for our little fighter nonstop. My wonderful church family made sure we had 2 1/2 weeks of food sent to our house so we could concentrate on our little sick boy and the joy of him being home. They have loved on each of my children in ways unfathomable to most. My children are so loved by our framily at church. I know they will miss our loved ones here and will be missed in return.
I know I will miss being able to work in a music ministry the way I've been able to here. I can definitely say I will miss the lovely oak baby grand steinway ~ do you think they'd miss it if I snuck it out????!!!!!!!!!!! ;) I shall miss our monthly ladies meetings and annual ladies retreats. I am sure gonna miss our occasional nights out. I will miss being loved and loving on all of our framily here. We do our best to make up for the family most of us don't have here and we do a pretty good job of it. I will miss everyone deeply, in my soul.
But I know God has something great in store for us ~ I just wish I knew what! Oh, well, Patience is a virtue that I am slowly becoming aware of!

It's official

It's official ~ We are moving to New York at the end of the month. We are saddened but excited.
I will update later as we are walking out the door right now!

Cool Stuff

I have been visiting some of my friends blogs and am finding some really cool stuff! LOVE it! Keeps me busy and my mind off of stuff! Thanks, friends!

Smooth Sailing

For the last couple of days, life has been pretty even keeled for me. I decided on Thursday to just hash it out and I finally turned it over to God. All our answers aren't things that we can answer. We have to wait. I finally feel as if I am being antsy-ly (I know that's not a word) patient. I am content in this massive holding pattern we are in.
We found out on Friday that the grant to save the deputies won't be in till late September-ish. And they are trying to get road deputies to donate work days (which means they would be on unpaid furlough days) to help save jobs. I don't think it will happen. I mean, I can't imagine too many deputies would be able to take off days of work just to save a job. Maybe it will, but I doubt it. Except for the other deputies jobs, I am really hoping it doesn't. I want to move. I REALLY want to move by the end of the month. But I just plan on letting God work it all out, cause no matter how much effort I put into it, I sure can't.
We went out to dinner after church with some friends and went to cracker barrel. LOVE that place. But they already had all the fall decorations out and it really gave me the itch to be in the north come fall. Autumn is my most favorite season. I love the sights and sounds and smells of autumn. And it never feels it in South Florida. I'm so ready to see the beautiful colors of the trees, rake leaves and jump with my boys in the hugest pile ever. Burn them and smell the crisp autumn chill with the scent of the burning leaves. I'm ready to wear sweatshirts and long sleeved tee's without breaking into a huge sweat-mess because it's autumn that's what you wear. I haven't had any coats out in at least 3 years. I'm anxious to go to an apple orchard and pick apples and go home and make apple crisp and homemade apple sauce. I'm anxious to wear a pair of gloves, use my scarves and jackets, wear a cute hat and go traipsing through a pumpkin patch and pick out several pumpkins to decorate my house with ~ not like last year when we wore shorts, a tank and flipflops to pick out our pumpkins. I am anxious to actually have to dress warm to go trick or treating. And, open windows and let the fresh air in. Bake a thanksgiving turkey and be able to step outside to cool off when it gets too hot in the kitchen.

In just a few short weeks, the desires of my heart has completely changed. I wasn't able to picture us living anywhere but South Florida 2 months ago; now, I don't know how we will ever survive. I want to feel the seasons change. I feel in my life, the long, dry hot summer is over and it's time to get on with life. I'm ready for change ~ not political change ~ life altering, emotional, change. I want to be by family and have my kids know them and them to know my kids. I want to be there when Great Gramma Berg graduates to Glory. I want my kids to know her before that happens. I want to meet my grand-nephew (or neice). I want to meet the 2 neice and nephews I have never met before. I want to be there when baby Pyne number 4 makes his appearance, and hold and cuddle him. I want to be close enough to my family to be able to drive it in a day! Or them be able to drive up and see us. I've had my summer. I've had my independence. Now's the time to be with family.
May God grant it to be so!

Anxiety

I cannot even begin to explain how much I love my husband. I never even thought I would ever love him this much. It was incomprehensible. But, he is the most wonderful man.
You know, when you go through hard times, that is when you see how strong your marriage really is. And from where I am sitting (in my life, not necessarily at my 'puter ;0) ) I am blessed to say that I have a very strong marriage. I don't think I have hugged my husband so much than I have in the past few days. I just need to have him hold me in his strong arms cause that is where I feel safe.
Today was a very emotionally trying day. I have cried alot over the past few days. And many of those tears fell today. I couldn't hold my frustration in any longer. I am so stressed and anxious and nervous and terrified and ...............................................well, you get the picture. And today I took it all out on him! I was angry when I was talking to him and the tears were burning as they were falling ~ I know I looked like a disaster. I just kept saying the same thing to him that I have been saying over the past few weeks ~ "if you 'say'(said in the most sarcastic of voices) we are leaving and going to New York, then lets just do it and be done with it." And he is ever the voice of reasoning {which at these type of moments just adds fuel to my fire} "We aren't going anywhere unless I have a job right now, and only when July 31st comes and there's nothing, then we'll go" Good point and very valid, unless you are a highly emotional woman who wants everything done when I want it done, then it is just a stupid, absurd, maddening philosophy. So I storm off, knocking things off side tables as I go. I have anger issues ~ I'll be the first to admit it ~ and my anger is just not pretty. Really, is anyones? But I guess that is the nature of that emotion. And because caustic remarks keep coming to mind, I go back in the room and start railing on him ~ all this while trying to brush my teeth. I have never claimed to be rational!!!!
But I am also sobbing while trying to yell, brush my hair and brush my teeth. My head hurts from yanking on my hair so hard! But after a little while, I realize what I said and I do make my apologies. And as he is sitting there and I am begging his forgiveness, he just wraps his arms around my waist and says "of course." Then say that he understands and hardly ever takes my little rants too seriously. It just bothers him cause he knows my blood pressure is probably at unhealthy levels. Which is probably not too far from the truth!
But he is just an awesome husband. I know alot of men would angrily reply to their wives or take it to heart. But my Jesse knows my heart! I love that about him. He knows I was just speaking out of frustration and he forgives that weakness in me. That used to happen a whole lot, but it truly has been ages since either of us has been so keyed up. l
Tonight we had a very much needed Ladies meeting at church. I love our monthly ladies fellowship dinners. And tonight our two lovely deacon's wives shared their hearts with me. And shared their testimonies of when they or their husbands have went through the same things we have been going through ~ job loss, financial hardships, uncertainty. And they were so loving and sweet and just encouraged me to just trust the great heart of my Father who knows when the sparrow falls. Mrs Flynn just said something offhanded that hit me "HE knows". And HE does. Why is it so hard to trust the great God Almighty who owns the cattle on a thousand hills. Who owns the wealth in every mine. Why is it so hard to trust HIS heart to take care of me and my family's needs. It is nothing for HIM to do it. HE's already shown me that HE will give me whatever I need. HE gave me HIS SON for my eternal soul. What's a few thousand to HIM. In the great scope of life, these hard ships won't mean a hill of beans, only how we have reacted to HIM and trusted HIS heart. May my faith be strengthened by sweet Mrs. Flynn ~ "HE knows".

I'm a song kinda girl and the song "Bow the Knee" by Chris Machen and Mike Harland (which just so happens to be on my playlist) has made me cry and cry today. Take a listen and here are the lyrics. Very appropriate for me right now! Such a blessing

There are moments on our journey following the Lord
Where God illumines ev’ry step we take.
There are times when circumstances make perfect sense to us,
As we try to understand each move He makes.
When the path grows dim and our questions have no answers, turn to Him.

Bow the knee;
Trust the heart of your Father when the answer goes beyond what you can see.
Bow the knee;
Lift your eyes toward heaven and believe the One who holds eternity.
And when you don’t understand the purpose of His plan,
In the presence of the King, bow the knee.

There are days when clouds surround us, and the rain begins to fall,
The cold and lonely winds won’t cease to blow.
And there seems to be no reason for the suffering we feel;
We are tempted to believe God does not know.
When the storms arise, don’t forget we live by faith and not by sight.

HE KNOWS

Befuddlement

My mind is all hazy. I am an utter emotional mess. I have so many thoughts wreaking havoc in my mind that I can't sort it all out, but that is what my blog is for ~ one day, maybe I will look back and understand cause it's for sure that at this moment, I dont at all.

Well, where do I begin ~

I really have no one I can talk to. My mom (who I talk to about everything) doesn't yet know about us moving to NY, so she's out. Jesse just gets frustrated and snipe-y. My sister, we're not that close, and I doubt she'd understand our reasons. My friends here just get all "oh, no, you can't leave." and they are praying for me to stay here.
I just can't explain it. I have this sudden..................................need to be there. It's deep, and it's unexplainable. But I just feel the urgent need to move to new york. I don't understand it. I've never had the desire to. And it scares the freakin' bejeebers out of me to move there. We have never really lived (as a couple before) near family. We've always been so independent and I've loved that about us. But since Jesse got his layoff notice, a fire started in me to go to new york and it has only grown.
And like I said, I don't understand it.
We are very active members in the greatest church in America (the world, really). It's not huge, but it isn't too small. It's diverse in ages, ethnicity and talents. I am so blessed that I get to be part of the volunteer staff. I get to be part of the music ministry. A vital part ~ I am the church pianist. And have been for 3 years fulltime. And I L-O-V-E love it. I am blessed by it. I love doing it. It is demanding, but I don't mind. I love that I get to play the beautiful oak steinway baby grand every Sunday and Wednesday and on special days too! And I get to participate in our ladies meetings (usually, I'm the first one in line to eat!) And we are right now in the process of preparing for VBS in 2 weeks. I love being with the people in our church. They aren't just people I go to church with. They are people I love. They aren't just acquaintances. We are framily (friends who are as dear as family). We spend our holidays together. Fourth of July Fish Fry's, Labor day picnics, Memorial Day picnics. On Thanksgiving (my 2nd most favorite holiday ~ 4th of July is my fave) because most of us don't have immediate family in the area, we spend our Turkey days at church ~ A couple of us do a few turkeys, and a ham, bring sides and desserts and we have Thanksgiving dinner with our framily. Then after dinner, we break out the games for those of us who decide to stay all day and into the late night!!!!!! Our church framily is so important to us.
I don't understand why we are being led to move to a church that already has workers, so therefore, we won't be able to be as plugged in in the ways I love to serve in. The church we attend already has a pianist, why do i have to leave my "job"? I don't know, but I do know that I have this new deep seated need to move to be around family. And it hurts me to know that I will be leaving this framily whom we love dearly and know better than our own family. I don't understand.
I don't think that Jesse truly wants to go. Every time we talk about it, I get the feeling that he'd rather stay. Okay, I get it. But, our whole married life (all 9 1/2 years of it ;0 ) have been spent doing what he wants. He wanted to go in the Marine Corps 3 months after we got married. I didn't like it at first, but fell in love with the Corps life. After his first enlistment, he decided to get out and I was all on board, and uprooted myself and son to start making the necessary arrangements. While overseas, he decided to re-enlist after telling (no, not asking my opinion) telling me that he was going to reenlist. I wasn't happy about it, but supported him, cause that's what wives do. He got stationed in the last place I wanted to live. But enjoyed it while we were there. He then decided to get out of the Corps against what I wanted and stay where we are now. WHATEVER. Out comes the supportive wife role. He wanted to go into law enforcement. NOT my idea, but I swear, he has a hero complex, but I made it very clear that he could, only if he got hired at a few certain cities departments, and made it VERY clear I didn't want him on at the sheriff's office. Guess where he ends up working ~ as a deputy Sheriff. {And this is where we come in with the lay offs} Granted, they were the only place that hired him at that point, but still, the fact remains that {I feel} all decisions were made contrary to my feelings. And to some extent, so is this one. He really would rather stay here, and yes, I understand it. I am not a horrible spoiled rotten brat. But it sure would be nice every once in a while for my opinion to be heard and taken into consideration and maybe followed just a bit.
Do I want to move, totally? No. I hate the thought of leaving my church and framily behind ~ we will never again find a church like ours. But, I have this overwhelming desire to be in New York. And I don't know why.
I have been wondering lately if I am sick and don't know it, or if someone we love is. And it is our chance to just be with family that we haven't spent much time with. Maybe thats it.
I worry about what it will be like if we do move there. What will our life be like? How will family relations work? Will they be helpful to us? Can I be of use there? Will we all get along decently? Just so much goes through my head that I worry and wonder about, but I have decided that everything is going to be put in God's most capable hands. I don't know if that will stop my pea-brain from overanalyzing things. More than likely not! But, HE'll work them out in due time, I suppose. I just hate that I have to wait and see. That KILLS me. Patience is NOT my strong suit.
All I know is that I would love to see the seasons again ~ the four seasons, winter spring summer and FALL. Not just the two seasons ~ wet Hurricane season and dry season. And that I didn't get a chance to grow up around family. The "ministry" took us away most of the time, so I don't really know my extended family all that well. And I want my kids to grow up with their cousins and know their aunts, uncles, grandparents, great- aunts, uncles, and gramma's. I just hope it's possible!