November 9

Today, I am grateful for the promises of God's word.  It's been a comfort to me so much.  Even more so these last few days.  In the aftermath of this election, I have such fear and uncertainty.  I have a very much of a doomsday/worst case scenario kind of a girl.  And really, that is a burden in and of itself.  Add to that the unexpected turn this election took, REALLY has done a number to me.  Where do we go?!  What do we do?!  How will we survive?!  What's going to happen?!  These are all legitimate questions.  These are all real concerns.  But let me tell you, if I'm not careful (and a lot of the times, I'm not ~ I have to work on that) those questions and so many more will bog my mind down.  And throw me into a pit.
But you know something, I'm recognizing it.  In my Sunday school class, we went through a book Get Out of That Pit by Beth Moore.  And I learned A LOT about my tendency to throw myself into pits.  So, I have been trying my dangedest to rest and rely on HIM.

And, in our Friday Bible study group, we are doing a study on the book of Revelation ~ Here and Now There and Then.  Let me tell ya ~ this study could NOT come at a more appropriate time for me.  And Beth Moore wrote it and did the DVD's back in 2009, but I promise you, it is almost like she did it yesterday.  It's uncanny, nope, it's a total God thing.  My pastor's wife and I made eye contact during the dvd a few times.  And it was one of those "oy vey" facepalm moments.  LOL  {Kathy has the unfortunate luck to be my friend on facebook and she sees my angst and my ramblings and rants!  Love her ~ we just kinda GET each other!  She's great!} It really is awesome (not the cheerleader "Like, it's so awesome" but the OH CRAP WHAT THE WHAT?!  awesome).

One thing that Beth Moore said today that hit home ~ she was talking about how the angels were created before God created everything else.  And as the Trinity stood around a not yet breathing Adam, can you just imagine it ~ God said to the Son ~ "are you sure?!  If we do this you're as good as dead" ~ and yet they still felt that man was worth it.  The Lamb was slain before the foundations of the world.  I've heard it before, but it just struck me.  God knew before he formed man that HE would have to send HIS son to be tortured for what would happen in the Garden.  HE  knew what would happen but for our fellowship, HE thought we were worth it.  So, it gives me great comfort knowing that HE knew that Obama would be elected the first time.  And re-elected.  And how devastated I would be.  So I am thankful for HIS promises  "I am with you always, even unto the ends of the world".  WOW.  "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee".  "Jesus wept".  That one is profound.  Just think about it.  What did HE weep over?!  Over the plight that we keep getting ourselves into.  Over the way we willingly forsake HIM for what WE want.  Over the pain that our choices brings us.  And over the fact that we keep doing it ~ over and over and over.

So, for me tonight, I'm thankful for God's words and God's promises to me {okay to you too, WHATEVER, selfish.  GAAAAHHHH.}  :D  HE IS TOTALLY AWESOME!

November 7

I know I missed yesterday.  I was busy ~ well, sort of.  I was excited and nervous.  But I woke up hopeful.  And I couldn't wait to get out and cast my vote.  I was so ready.  When the boys got up, I told them to get ready and I said "Today is the day, we get to change our country".  Oh, I truly believed it.  I truly believed we would change everything.

And after we voted, Jesse and I got into this huge argument over something silly.  We are both SO stubborn and that is NOT a good thing.  But I won :P  LOL.  Well, no not really.  But I had such anxious energy built up that I needed it expelled.

So, as the evening wore on it started out cool and fun and by the end of the night it had dissolved into sobs and anguish.  I'm telling you, y'all, it was ugly.  Fear, anger, sadness.

I had to take a loverly sleeping pill last night to actually fall asleep.  But you know what, I still tossed and turned all night and was up way too early.  Oy vey.  And when I woke up, I still shed a few tears.  And y'all, I TRULY don't get it.  I don't.  I don't understand.

I went throughout my day just sort of stupefied.  I'm still in a state of shock.  UGH.  And it doesn't help that I have a total conspiracy theory/apocalyptic mentality.  So my mind doesn't stop.  It's exhausting.  I'm still trying to piece it all together.  I hope that these next 4 years fly by.  I totally have Post Election Stress Syndrome.  WHAT?!  It's a real thing.

Now, for my grateful post.  I'm grateful for the peace of God.  I have my moments where I am still fearful and I forget to rely on HIM.  But most of this day has been a good day.  HE has made his presence known.  And I know that I have to trust HIM.  But I'm so grateful for HIS presence that gives me peace!  Because, y'all, it's all about HIM.  It's all about HIS honor and HIS glory.

Psalm 46.10
“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

I'm so grateful for that!  And I'm so grateful that I can KNOW He is GOD.  

November 5

This is a hard one today.  You see, on this date 14 years ago, 2 things happened that totally rocked my world.  The first one was that the only grandfather I ever knew lost his battle with cancer.  Oh, Poppy (what we called him) was a wonderful man!  He was so funny.  He was so loved by all his grandkids.  He always made me feel like his favorite (although, I am sure he did this for all of us).  I miss him so much.  Jesse was never able to meet him.  I'm sorry for that.  He would've loved Jesse!

                                         Kensel Hugh Poppy Miller
Just a few days before he lapsed into unconsciousness, I spoke to him on the phone.  I remember it vividly.  I was at college working on the switchboard during chapel.  And my mom called and said that Poppy was getting bad and it was my last chance to talk to him.  I let all the phones ring as I spent a minute or two talking to a man I spent my life adoring.  He told me how proud he was of me.  And that all that mattered in life was just to "Love Jesus.  That is all that matters.  And I love you."
After that he started talking gibberish and I hung up the phone.  I laid my head on the desk as about 6 phone lines were buzzing and I wept.  Oh, how I loved that man.  Oh, how I missed him already.   He died 2 days later. But, I'm SO grateful I was working that day so I got to speak to him that last time.  I will carry his words with me for the rest of my life.
On November 5th after I received word that Poppy had died EARLY that morning, I skipped all my classes to get ready to fly to Missouri for his funeral.  Jesse ditched a few of his classes that day too.  He even went to work late (or maybe he called off, I can't remember because I left) so he could spend some time with me.  And as my friend was pulling her car around to take me to the airport, Jesse and I were sitting in the "drool hall" and as we saw my friend pull up, he said that he loved me.  I was kinda shocked.  I didn't know what to say.  I just kinda looked at him all dumbfounded and we went to the car.  He helped me put my luggage in and I just kinda mumbled a goodbye to him.
Right as we were pulling away, I shockingly said to the girls with me "He told me he loved me".  Talia (the girl who owned the car) slammed her brakes on (he was still standing outside watching us drive away) and Talia and Meribel asked me "What did you say?!"  I said I didn't know, so they both jumped out of the car and yelled at Jesse "SHE LOVES YOU TOO"  Then we pulled away.  LOL ~ looking back now, it is kinda funny!  I did tell him later that night over the phone, but wow.  It was just so totally unexpected ~ we had only been dating officially for about a month!  But I'm so glad!  He has loved me (and I have loved him) for 14 years!  I'm so grateful for him.

So, all that to say ~ that I'm grateful for LOVE.  I have been loved well all of my life.  My parents, my grandparents, the Love of my Life, and my Saviour all have loved me.  I'm grateful for love and memories.

                                     My love and I ~ 14 years later, still grossing people out!

November 4

Tonight, I sit here in my warm, dry house.  With food in my pantry and fridge.  And my computer plugged in and charging and lights on.  And as snow is being rumored to be coming from the sky sometime soon, I'm grateful.

I'm grateful I have a safe, warm, dry house with electricity ~ when I have friends in New York City area and New Jersey who are still waiting for their power to be restored to their homes from Hurricane Sandy.

I'm grateful I haven't had to wait in line for gas for 4 hours.

I'm grateful that we have food to eat.  We don't have to go dumpster diving just to feed my guys.

I'm grateful I had clothes, jackets, coats, and extra food to send down to those in need.

I have lived through hurricane ravaged area's in South Florida.  I understand and can totally sympathize with those who are suffering from Hurricane Sandy.  Only, I didn't have to worry about the cold.

And, I am grateful I live in Syracuse area that didn't get any damage from Hurricane Sandy.  And I'm grateful to have had the experiences in South Florida with hurricanes so I can be compassionate towards those going through it now!

I wish I could do more.  But, I'm grateful for what I can do!

November 3

Today, I am grateful for my guys.  I am a blessed mama!  I have 3 awesome guys!  Their favorite thing to do is to snuggle with me.  I take advantage of it while I can.  Even my oldest guy still likes to snuggle!  I am so blessed to have 3 guys who I get to spend 95% of my day with.  I have the awesome opportunity of homeschooling them.  Although, there are SO many days that I get extremely frustrated with them, with homeschooling and all.  And I have those days that I truly do want to just run away.  And sometimes I do.  I usually run away to places like Target and Kohl's.  But, I know how blessed I am.  And I truly hope that at some point, they will look back and know that I cherish the times I got to spend with them!  I'm so grateful!

November 2nd

Today, I am grateful for my church.  I go to a ladies Bible study on Friday mornings.  And it is such a blessing to me.   To get together with ladies who have spent the week in their Bible studying their homework.  And then to come together and share what we got and listen to Beth Moore teach another lesson about it!

And Beth Moore studies are totally AWESOME.  I was never "allowed" to do discouraged from doing studies like I am doing now.  Too many men who occupied positions they probably shouldn't have were too intimidated by women learning from a strong woman like Beth Moore!  But, oh, I'm a blessed girl to be involved with a church who encourages women to learn to study the Bible!

So blessed indeed.

November 1st

I know I have been MIA for quite a while.  Life has gotten so busy and I have had way too many irons in the fire, I think.  But, now that the weather has turned cooler and I am staying inside more (who am I kidding, I stay inside alot) but not so on the go with things, I really want to dig in and get back to blogging.  And with it being 5 days until the election, well, my life will hopefully slow down even more!
And it's the first day of November and my most favorite month of the year.  The month of my most favorite holiday of all.  Thanksgiving.  And I like to make sure I give thanks.  So, I'm not promising to do it everyday, but I would like to share my things I'm thankful for with you (if I have any followers left).

I'm so very grateful for my husband!  He amazes me every day of my life.  He works so hard, and when he isn't working or sleeping (because he works nights he sleeps during the day) he is with us all the time.  He rarely gets to go do anything without any of us tagging along.  But you know what, he doesn't mind.  He's awesome.  And decisions that he makes, he makes them not based on his desires, but how he can best take care of us.  In this day and age, it is extremely hard to be a one income family, unless you are filthy rich.  Which we are NOT.  But, he works hard to make sure I can stay home with the boys and can homeschool them.  I'm so grateful for that.  Another reason I am so grateful for my husband is he is crazy about me.  Still.  I don't know why.  He just is!  And he makes me so happy.  Even when I get frustrated with him, because after all, he may be awesome, but he isn't perfect.  And I am a hormonal woman, after all.  But he is so patient and sweet and makes me smile and laugh, even if I'm seething at him!  It's a gift, I tell you!  But, I am so thankful he is the father of my children.  They don't realize how blessed they are to have him as their dad, but hopefully, one day they will!  I'm just amazed at all the things we have went through and yet, he is still right here with me, through all my crazy, he still loves me.  I'm just a blessed mess!  Love him so much!  Grateful for my Jesse Daniel McCoy!  <3 p="p">

LOVE

I am just ever so in awe that I get the awesome opportunity to be a MOM to not just 1, 2 but 3 little men.  I am SO blessed.  Here is a picture of my blessings

Today, my baby {did you hear that ~ my BABY} turned 4 years old.  I can barely wrap my mind around that.  It doesn't feel or seem right.  And it certainly isn't FAIR.  I spent Friday night just going through my pictures of when he was born on facebook.  Oh, he was a little fighter!  He was my monster baby ~ 7 lb 1 oz. preemie.  And even though he was in NICU for 8 days, at the size he was born at, I'm really grateful he was born early.  Phew.  But, he was the favorite with all the nurses in NICU.  He was a flirt even then!  Here are the links to my fb albums with a few of those pictures in it:
Gunner1  Gunner2

Oh, how I wish I could just swaddle him in a blanket like back then :'(  He was such a good sleeper from the moment we brought him home.  He was so used to the hospital room ~ quiet and dark!  I kept him in a bassinet in my room for about a week for ME not him.  And when we put him in his room in his crib ~ he slept through the night.  Oh, such a good baby.

But, alas, he is no longer a baby ~ and he makes no bones about it, telling me that he is a big boy and I should not refer to him as a baby.  But, he is!  Oh, how he is my baby.  

Here is my Baby today ~ he currently has a Spiderman obsession.  But look ~ his head is taller than the sofa.  NOT. EVEN. RIGHT.

So, last night we had to get the "dining room" ready for when Gunner woke up.  He's been obsessed with his birthday this year.  Maybe its his age, but I really don't recall my other 2 being this obsessed.  It was cute.  So, I HAD to do it up decent.  So I made a web out of streamers on the ceiling.  And Xavier and Tucker helped me out immensely.  Xavier was my "on top of the table" guy.  Tucker was the confetti spreader.  But, oh, it was just really annoying me {just the hassle of decorating}.  And I was getting frustrated and just grumbling.  Which I shouldn't have.  And I realized tonight that "little pitchers have big ears".  

Xavier, before he went to bed, offered to stay up to help me 'undecorate' but I told him he could help me tomorrow afternoon.  Then we were talking about what he wanted for his birthday {obviously, Gunner's theme was Spiderman}.  I try to decorate for each person's birthday.  And Xavier, bless his little heart, said he didn't want me to have to decorate for his birthday.  Talk about feeling about 2 inches tall.  Oh, I never want my kids to feel like their birthday is not a big deal.  And I told him that when they each made their appearance into my life, they forever changed my life and it was a big deal.  And that they deserve to have a big deal made of them!!!!!!  Now, we don't throw extravagant parties, most of the time it is just the five of us doing anything they want to (within reason).  They get to choose what they want for their birthday dinner and I decorate ~ I try to do something out of the ordinary!  Because they are worth it!!!  

This is the web that Xavier and I were putting up.  UGH.  Worth it, though, because Gunner ADORED it!  

So, I'm thankful for little men and birthdays!

July Dinner

So I had decided that in the month of July ~ I would challenge myself to cooking dinner at home all month long.  I hate cooking, but it is so much cheaper cooking at home, even though, I think I could eat out EVERY SINGLE DAY and not get tired of it.

So, I decided that I would cook every night.  And I would try to remember to document it!  So far, the documentation has not been there.  But the first 2 nights have been at home :D  July 1st was Spaghetti, July 2nd was southern smothered steak and rice, with boiled cabbage.
Tonight, I plan on taking pictures!  So stay tuned for the pictures and post!

LOVE

So very grateful for LOVE personified who came to earth, 

walked among us, showed us grace and mercy, long suffering, 

and what LOVE was willing to do.

 LOVE was abused.
LOVE was rejected.
LOVE was beaten.
LOVE was accused and ridiculed.

 LOVE was condemned to a most heinous death.
LOVE walked the via Dolarosa, carrying a cross. 

LOVE was nailed to that cross.

 LOVE forgave while in agony. 

 LOVE thought of others in HIS pain.

 LOVE suffered for my sins.

 LOVE died.

 LOVE was buried in an unused tomb.

 LOVE rolled that stone away.

 LOVE LIVES. 

~ LOVE ~ 

HIS NAME IS 

JESUS.

Wishing you a very blessed Easter