Merry Christmas

I know I have been super duper bad about blogging. So, here's my attempt!

Jesse finally got home and we are thoroughly enjoying it. He is working his shift now ~ 12 hours 6 pm to 6 am. He leaves about 4:30 pm and gets home usually no later than 7;15 ish am. He doesn't have his creds yet, so he is just going in in civies. and doesn't get his badge or gun yet, so he's quite disappointed about that. But very grateful for his job ~ he just went up a pay grade due to time in service! THAT is awesome!

Before he got home, it was a mad dash to get everything done, but I accomplished it and it looked like Christmas threw up in my house! Here are some pictures! before the Christmas tree.
This one is why he requested it mostly be done before he got home:


Here's some of the other decorations!

the piano all decked out

my corner hutch

the front entry way

my file cabinet

I've got lights in my front window, lighted garland in my living room over the door and in my kitchen above my cabinets. I love decorating for Christmas. SO. MUCH. FUN. Some (ahem, Jesse) say I over do it, but it's hard not to!

On Saturday, we got our tree. So fun ~ we went to lowe's and argued, Ilike this one, no I like this one and I went finally to the last aisle of live trees and picked one out and we both said THAT'S IT! It is beautiful and perfectly imperfect. It only had one bare spot, but we were able to fill it in with branches cut from the bottom to get it in the stand right!

Here's some pix of the tree and us decorating it. We used 7 strands of lights white and multicolored!

Jesse bringing the tree in:


Here's the ornaments on the table waiting to be used. This is only half of what we normally put on:


I have to jet off here now ~ later on, I will post pix of us decorating the tree and the final results of it! TTYL!
Merry Christmas!

And so the holidays have begun

We had a pretty good Thanksgiving. We are SO blessed in my family. We were missing 2 people this year. Jesse away at federal Police Academy and Christine. Missing her was almost tangible for me. I spent pretty much the week leading up to Thanksgiving pretty much weeping for missing her. And, I'm afraid that Christmas is going to be even harder cause it was "her holiday". She did it up so well. But, I think we are just going to have to muddle through this holiday season.

I have so much to be grateful for ~ my faith, my family, my friends, my freedom, my home, my health, and my heritage. God has blessed us so utterly and completely. I can never thank HIM enough.

Right now, I am in the process of cleaning and decorating. Jesse has requested that all decorating be done before he gets home. I refuse though to get the tree until he gets home! And he should be home Friday night! OMG (oh my gosh) I AM SO EXCITED. I cannot even begin to explain! It has been a very long 8 weeks. And wouldn't you know it, I'm just getting used to this whole single mommy thing! But I am so grateful my other half will be here this weekend! I love him so much and am so grateful that I don't have to spend the rest of my life without him.

The boys miss him so INCREDIBLY! They have pretty much cried themselves to sleep most every night. It was heart wrenching. But Friday that should be remedied! YAY! But they don't know yet. And I'm not planning on telling them until Friday, since he is flying standby so i don't want to get their hopes up until he is on his way! But we can't wait.

Anyhoo ~ I know I haven't been on much, but will try to post more! Hopefully I can post Christmas decorating pictures too!
I hope ya'll have a wonderful Christmas season!

Trying to get back to normalcy

That's all.
We have been so busy. Not like that is a shocker. On Monday morning, Jesse's gramma Berg passed on to glory. We miss her, but one of his cousins remarked when they were here for Christine's funeral, that Gramma Berg hasn't really been Gramma for quite a while. Heaven was pretty much her longing. So we celebrated that she got her true hearts desire.
At her funeral, Jesse's dad made the comment at how surprised Gramma must've been when she got to heaven to be greeted by Christine. She probably asked "How did you get here before me?" Dave also said that it would be just like Christine to have been up in heaven lobbying for her mother to be loosed from her chains of this life.
We are so happy that Gramma is with her Sonny and Christine. Not that we aren't jealous. But, oh, what a family reunion that awaits us. I CAN'T WAIT!

I gotta say, I didn't expect to cry like I did at her funeral. Yes, we miss her, but she has been longing for heaven, and she has been suffering for 10 years, it was a relief to see her at peace. But I think that we are still raw with grief over our loss of Christine. And we are jealous that Gramma gets to be with her. We still miss Christine so acutely. Her absence is still so hurtful for me. Tears still fall almost once a day. Some days more than that. But, we are just putting one foot in front of the other.

Because of all that has went on the past month and a half, we are severely behind in our school work. We are about 9 days behind. The goal is to, when Jesse is gone for a few weeks, to do make up days on Saturdays. And hopefully by Christmas break, we will only be a few days behind and can make it up then.
As I am typing this, I am sitting in Tucker's class listening to him quote his Bible verses, and sing his songs of praise to Christ. And Gunner is sitting on the couch eating some dry cereal and he sings along with Tucker. It is so precious. I can hear Xavier doing the same in his room. WOW. What an utter blessing it is to have my kids love singing and worshipping God. It's such an awesome thing hearing them quote their verses. It is a blessing to see them do their best to serve God. I'm blessed to have little men who desire to do what God wants them to do. And I'm so grateful. Now, don't get me wrong, most days, they fight and gripe about cleaning their rooms. BUT .......they try.
They love to help around the house. They have both decided that they want to be able to do laundry for me. So they come down and help me. And they don't mind vacuuming for me. But to clean their room, it's a chore! But, they do have a servant's heart and I'm grateful for that.

So, anywho, we are just trying to get back to normal around here. I gotta work on getting up earlier, but that is something different in and of itself!
sorry for the ramblings!

Four Weeks

That's all it's been.
It's so hard to believe. I still cannot wrap my mind around the fact that Christine is gone. Sometimes, I still just sit and weep knowing that my children will no longer be able to spend time with her. The holidays are forever gonna be altered. Our lives are just irrevocably changed. And it hurts to have had this part of our lives ripped apart. But, it just makes me ever more grateful for the promise of Heaven.

In this last month, this song has been going through my head and my heart.





Knowing You'll Be There

The other day I passed the place,
You always liked to go
And I picked up the phone because,
I thought you'd want to know.
But I forgot you weren't there,
I miss you all these days.
That I'm reminded of your smile
And the funny things you'd Say.
I see you most at christmas, you were like, a little kid
You always loved a good surprise, and now I must admit,
That I long more for Heaven than I ever did before
You give me one more reason, and each day I want it more.

(chorus)
Knowing we can spend a life time reminiscing on the past,
Knowing I will see your face again where tender moments last
it makes me wanna go there
Knowing I wont be alone
Kowing you'll be there
Mkes it easy to go home

You left a group of fishermen
Somehow, you left me too
Though I have felt you many times,
I know you saw me through
I always long to feel your arms
And look into your eyes,
And talk foever me and you
Somewhere in paradise

Poor husband

My poor husband ~
I tell ya ~ He got the raw end of the deal.
I am SO not a great housewife. I am mediocre at best. BUT ~ I'm learning AND trying!
You'd think that after 10 years, I'd be and expert. And I was ~ way back when. I had some pretty mad cleaning skills. But that was back when we only had one, and for some time after we had our second. But let me tell ya, baby number 3, he killed my ability to keep a clean house. He is SO active. ALWAYS on the go. And he wears me out.
But, I recognize that my housecleaning skills have went down the crapper recently. And from what I have always heard ~ recognizing there is a problem is the first step :D And I am working on that.
Now, not that I'm making excuses, mind you ;) ~ But I do have 3 boys, homeschool, and have a husband with odd hours. And let me tell you ~ and it's not like you don't already know ~ but being a homeschooling SAHM of 3 boys (one who is super duper active) is like having a gazillion full time jobs.
I am SO NOT looking forward to Jesse's upcoming "deployment". He'll be leaving at an undisclosed time {not gonna post it online} for police academy at an undisclosed location :D.
I just hope that when he returns, he will find 3 still alive children (the ones he left behind, preferably :D ) and a still semi sane wife to greet him. And hopefully a clean house to boot!

And here is a song that has been running over my head all day long ~ AWESOME song. And awesome CD. I got it from my friend Kelly! Thanks!

Sing over Me ~ by Bethany Dillon

I live in the wonder of Your love
You rise like the sun in my heart
Even when the night draws near to me
There You are

I will wade in the water of mercy
I will walk in the light of Your will
Whatever should come against me
Teach me to be still
As you

Sing over me
Draw me close to rest in Your peace
Sing over me
Oh, sing

Sing of Your unending faithfulness
That knows no doubt or fear
In the face of all that I don't know yet
Remind me of who You are

You are mighty
You will save
Rejoice over me with singing
You will quiet
By Your love
Glory over me with singing

Whirlwind

For the last week and a half, my life feels like it has been a whirlwind. But at times, it feels as if time is standing still.

It is so hard to belief that Christine is gone from our presence. We are blessed to know that she is laughing and flying and worshipping her Saviour, but for me, it is bittersweet. I so wish she were still here with us, but I know God has a purpose and plan for this. I do not understand, but I am willing to trust the heart of God to know HE would never maliciously hurt and wound us. It's hard, but I trust HIM.

It's weird getting back to life. Life will be forever altered. But today starts another day that we just continue to live our lives and be forever blessed by having had a year with Christine.

The boys started school back up today ~ yes, those moans and groans you heard were from my boys. They only had a few classes to do today, being as they got let out of school early on August 25th. I didn't want the babysitter to have to hear them gripe and complain! I like people to think of my kids as angels :D, so I have to bribe as much as possible!

Jesse went back to work on Thursday and he works today. He has off Tuesday and Wednesday, then back to work at Rome Labs until Saturday. That is his last day there. On Monday, Sept 13th, he is starting his new job at the Syracuse VA hospital as a police officer there. Sometime in October, he leaves at some point for an 8 week police academy in Little Rock, Arkansas. Not necessarily lookin' forward to that ~ Yes, Jesse, I said that! {inside joke, especially since I don't think he reads my blog!} But, I believe I can survive him being gone stateside for 8 weeks if I can survive multiple deployments, sometimes to undisclosed locations!

I am busy trying to get motivated to get my basement cleaned. I had started at the beginning of summer, then got busy doing other things. I REALLY need to finish it before cold weather, cause I do NOT want to be known in the rodent community that I just opened a hotel for them. *shudder* And since Jesse will be gone soon, I gotta use him while I have him!

So, that is our life right now. I really like posting songs to each blog. So, I shall again! Here are the words to the song I referenced earlier. It is an awesome song!

All things work for our good
though sometimes we can't see how they could
struggles that break our hearts in two
sometimes blinds us to the truth

Our Father knows what's best for us
His ways are not our own
So when your pathway grows dim, and you just can't see Him
Remember you're never alone

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When you don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His heart

He sees the master plan
And He holds our future in His hands
So don't live as those who have no hope
All our hope is found in Him

We see the present clearly
But He sees the first and the last
And like a tapestry He's weaving you and me to someday be just like Him

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When you don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His heart

He alone is faithful and true
He alone knows what is best for you
So when you don't understand
When you don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand trust His heart

how do you say goodbye?

I know that for those who know Christ as our Saviour, it is only just a temporary goodbye. But, it still hurts so much. Christine was one of the most awesome women, mother, wife, friend, I had ever had the pleasure of knowing

Jesse and i have been married for 10 1/2 years. We weren't able to always come and visit as much as we wanted to. But for the last year, we didn't know why, but God had moved us back here. And so we got a full year with her. Which in the big picture, is not alot AT ALL.
We each got our birthday's celebrated with her. We got one Thanksgiving, one Christmas and all the in between holiday stuff with her. My boys got to spend the night at their house a few times ~ now I wish I would've had them do it more. They got to go to the fair once with gramma and grampa. She made Sunday dinner for us every week ~ and let me tell ya, there's a lot of us. We got so much out of this last year, but it just left me hungry for more.

I don't understand why God chose to take her away from us. I still have so much to learn from her.

She was an awesome cook. She was the epitome of a housewife ~ her house always immaculate. She was Proverbs 31 personified. She was so patient. She was so kind and loving. She loved her grandkids.

She always told me ~ and pretty much everyone that Jesse was her special one, her favorite. And I'm so grateful that we were here for a year. I miss her so deeply, that I cannot imagine how her children hurt. I never knew it would be so devastating to lose someone SO vital to a family. Are we strong enough to go on without her? She wouldn't have it any other way.
She lived her life for God and Heaven, and now she is with HIM. She fought a good fight, finnished her course, and kept the faith. Now there are many crowns laid up for her. She left a legacy behind. Not just one of the trivial ones. But she left me behind an example to follow. A life to emulate. She taught me to be kind, love my kids, have a relationship with God, serve others selflessly. She taught it to me not just in words, but by deeds. And I hope that one day, I can finish my course with little regrets to how I lived my life.
As my father in law has been saying ~ she was an unusual woman. She was hard for me to understand at times when I lived away. But in the past year, I got to know her and see her in a new light. And I understand somewhat those unusual ways.
But she leaves me a legacy behind. I know I can't live up to it the way she did. But she never expected me too. If I had said to her "I can't do it as you do" I know she would laughed that wonderful laugh of her's and humbly say that she doesn't do much, but that you can do only what you can do.
She never thought she was anything special. SHE WAS. And we all LOVED her. But I pray that, as she is now a part of that great cloud of witnesses, that I may live life, no, not to honor her because she would be angry about that, but that I may live my life to honor HIM who she served. She taught me that ~ honor God and the rest will take care of itself.
So, as today starts 2 very long HARD days of goodbyes, I would just like to say for the record. We miss her and her influence. But we hope we can honor her, by honoring God.

When the sacred is torn

Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
We're asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it's unfair

[Chorus]
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow

If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our savior
[Chorus]
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

This is a song by Natalie Grant.

This is how I feel tonight. Like the sacred has been torn from my life.
This morning around 12:30 am, my mother in law, Christine Mae McCoy, fly home to be with Jesus. Which makes me cherish another song called Untitled Hymn by Chris Rice
the last verse says:
And with your final heartbeat
Kiss the world goodbye
Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory's side, and
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus and live!

She wanted to fly in Heaven. Now she is.
She had been sick a while. But yesterday, she declined FAST. And finally, after her family had told her of their love, (I can't speak for everyone here, but I told her it was okay if she wanted to just fly to heaven); most of us had went home to put our sad and grouchy kids to bed. My father in law, Dave, Jesse (my hubby) and Seth, my brother in law, stayed at the Hospital. And Jesse sitting by her bedside watched as her heart rate would spike, then drastically drop for a few minutes then it just stopped all together. That is when she kissed the world goodbye and was able to laugh on Glory's side. She flew to Jesus.
But the sacred was torn from us. She was our mother. She was our gramma. She was our sister. She was our friend. She was a HUGE MAJOR part of our lives. And she is no longer with us. And that hurts so deeply.
In no way would I beg her to come back ~ though I (and we) so would take her back. She is no longer in pain or suffering like she was. But we miss her so much.
I'm grateful beyond words for the peace, comfort, and assurance we have of heaven.
And like Aunt Terry kept saying yesterday, we aren't crying for her, cause she's gaining Heaven. We are weeping for our loss. And it is so true. We miss her beyond words.
It was so strange today, being at her house. It is so filled with her personality. She was always to one to be up and about getting things ready for whatever was happening ~ dishes out, food prepared. But she wasn't and it felt so empty without her there. There was a lot of people there, but you could just feel her presence gone. And WE MISS HER.
There is a sacredness in the ordinary. One that I didn't realize that I took for granted until today. And the sacred was torn from us. While searching tonight for photos of her, I realized there weren't many. There weren't many of her and the grandkids. There weren't any of her and I. There weren't many of her and so many things that I wish now that I had taken. I wish I had pictures of her cooking. I wish I had helped her more, learned more from her. I wish so many things.
But I pray that maybe, I will learn from this and be able to say from here on out, I have no more regrets.
Today, the sacred was torn from us, but BLESSED BE THE LORD. HE knows how to touch our hearts and bring us sweet peace. The sacred was torn from us, but HE knows how to repair it someday. I am so grateful for the promise and peace of Heaven, knowing that one day, HE will wipe these tears from our eyes.
The sacred was torn from us. But, still, HE is so kind, loving and merciful.
The sacred was torn from us ~ but not forever.

Week 2

Wow, it's hard to believe that we are already into week 2 with school. Life has truly been a whirlwind of non stop activity it seems.

So far, Xavier has more work/homework than he can truly appreciate. I'm glad though, cause he needs all practice he can get ~ his 2 problem areas this year will be his penmanship ~ that took a severe hit last year and ABeka is very very strict with their grading of penmanship ~ and math. When you watch the videos, they do oral combinations, which means the teachers says something like 9+5-8x3-2/4= then those kids on video blurt out the answer (the answer is 4). But while Xav is still stuck trying to figure out what 9+5= they have already answered and on the next question. I think 3rd grade was a key year that we really just crippled Xavier with not having him do. And I feel bad about that. But, he is starting to get quicker. It only needs time and practice. Also with Math they have speed drills they have to do, but poor lil man only usually gets like 3 done before time is up. I feel badly for him, but he is just gonna have to get used to it. If any of my teacher friends have any good advice to help with his math issues ~ I'm open to suggestions. Oh, yeah and another thing he has a hard time with is keeping up with them in spelling/poetry/verse recitation. He seems like he lags, but I just have to keep telling him not to go back and "get" the words/letters he missed, but keep moving on and he's finally catching on.

Tucker, who before school even started would cry and say how scared he was, has now decided that he LOVES school. His video teacher, Mrs. Bere, does such an awesome job making it exciting for them. I only hope that he can get how to write in cursive. They start out with little i then move on to little u; he did awesome with little i but the little u is giving him a run for his money. he wants to just straight lines not the curvey, bounce off the floor touch the ceiling bounce off the floor, fluid movements. So that is his challenge. But other than writing, he loves it.

Gunner ~ oh, that little demon child. He's totally full of it. He is so full of sweetness and love one minute, the next he is full blown wild ornery and evil. Just the other day, I couldn't find his sippy cups ANYWHERE, so I was forced to give him an open cup ~ which he does fine with, but has to stay on the table. So, I'm in the kitchen and look in the living room and he has his cup and I tell him "Gunner go put that cup on the table" and he looks at me with those beautiful eyes and gives me a look that says "you can't stop this" and deliberately and maliciously dumps the entire contents of the cup of chocolate milk on my carpet. Then gets this smug look on his face of "how do you like me now". OH.MY.WORD. That child got his tiny hiney whupped. But not even an hour later, he did it the exact same way with Tucker's cup. Oh, that child is gonna be such a handful as he gets older. Oy vey. He's lucky he's my last cause if he'd have been my first, there never would've been any more.

Jesse is supposed to start working at the VA Police in Syracuse on September 13th. He had his psych eval yesterday and passed. I'd say with flying colors, but, he didn't do so hot on the timed bubble test. As a matter of fact during his interview with the psychologist, he was asked if he was in any "special classes" in school. Today, he is getting his physical done and we are just keeping his fingers crossed that his normally outrageously high blood pressure is at least in an acceptable range.

And me, I'm just here, cleaning, and cooking, and homeschooling. I'm blessed with my life. I finally found my book again "Lies women believe" by Nancy Leigh Demoss and have picked it up again and am reading it. as always, I'm blessed by it. One lie that I have found that I tell myself all the time is I don't have time to do everything I'm supposed to do. She says that we as women try to do everything, and we run ourselves ragged and get so busy. And that is Satan's goal. To keep me so busy that I forget the important things in life. I'm here to do what God has called me to do. As a woman, I try to do it all, but in so doing, I usually put the important stuff on the back burner. So, I'm trying to simplify my life and listen and figure out what things in my life GOD wants there and what things I want there and doing my best to cut back on my wants and build my desire for what God wants me to do. I love this study it is so convicting and I have found and picked it right up where I really needed it lately. I just LOVE how God works! Isn't HE awesome!?!?!

Hopefully life can slow down a little ~

We have been back from Galesburg for less than a week and our life is still pretty hectic with unpacking, working, and getting the house ready for 2 classrooms next week.
Jesse got word that he is gonna be starting in Syracuse as a police officer at the VA next month, but in the in between, he has doctor appointments, psych evals, physicals, and overtime scheduled at Rome Labs.

I ended up having to resign my position. My boss was getting really very snooty about having to "accomodate" me so much, and since Jesse was going to be going here, there, and everywhere, and not home much, I had to quit. We start school Monday, so we have to have some sort of schedule around here. And my boss wasn't going to be willing to work around what i needed him to. I don't blame him, but my husbands job always ALWAYS trumps any part time work I do. So that was that.

We had an awesome time in Illinois. We left around 9 pm Wednesday evening and drove through the night. We were allowed to check into our hotel early and we were there at 10:30 am. So really it was only about a 14 hour trip and that was nice. Jesse did a great job driving through the worst part of the night. I finished the driving from about 6 am on. And Jesse *tried* to sleep. He doesn't sleep well when I drive, he claims I'm a bad driver. But let me tell ya ~ while in the police academy, he took defensive driving, and he drives like a cop on a high speed chase ALL. THE. TIME. So, he needs to not even want to go there :D

So, we called and arranged to have my sister meet us with my mom at pizza hut for lunch and we were able to surprise my mom by being there a day early. Then we went out, got my dad out of work a couple hours early and he was TOTALLY surprised. It was great. I have never seen my dad speechless before. And I still don't think it totally set in!
My mom, sister Dawn, and I were busy little bee's trying to get the last minute things done for the surprise party on that Saturday.
It was awesome. He was again speechless, and just totally enjoyed his party. Of course, it was hard to actually get him to sit down and eat, but he never does at hardly any function! Always the servant!
And the whole time, we were able to spend alot of the time and I think every evening in the hotel pool with my nephews and whatever miscallaneous family happened to be there. It was truly one of the best vaca's ever ~ got to spend time with my family, got to shop a little, and swam ALOT! I think the boys are still pruny!!!!!!
So, that is what we did last week ~ and tomorrow is Sunday and the start of another new week, and beginning of school. I'm excited and so is Xavier. I will do my best to keep updating my blog. I will be initiating LOTS of new habits (at least I hope they will become habits) into our daily scheduling and I'm super excited to see what God has in store for us. I'll post pix soon!

Love you all!