November 19

Today, I'm thankful.

I'm thankful that Thanksgiving is coming up.  It is my most favorite holiday.  I love the preparations for it.  The baking, the shopping for the turkey, the decorating/planning my table.  I just love it all.  I think I love it most because I don't have to rush around making sure I spend an equally proportionate amount of money on the boys.  Because I don't have to rush around trying to get everything wrapped, along with all the baking and cooking.

I just love Thanksgiving.  It's a day for us to spend the day together eating and just enjoying the ones we love.  And you know, I'm grateful because I get that most every day!  We, as a family, make sure that we sit down at the dinner table for a meal together with the television off most nights.  I get to spend my days ~ as maddening as it all seems ~ with my children.  It's a rare day if we aren't together.  But I'm grateful for Thanksgiving that we get to make traditions for our family!

November 14

Tonight, I'm thankful for my family!  And by that, I'm talking my parents and sister!  Things haven't always been great between us ~ but what is family if you can't have your arguments and disagreements and such.  But as long as after licking your wounds, you still love each other and rebuild your relationships again, then that is what family is all about.
And that was us.  We had a rough couple years.  We all hurt each others feelings.  We all ruffled each others feathers, but we still love each other.  And I'm so grateful for that.  Things aren't always perfect.  Life throws us curveballs, and we either learn to dodge and take cover or get hit square in the gut.  And sometimes you duck and cover and still get hit in the gut.  But once you catch your breath again, those relationships that took hits, you learn to re-evaluate, and rebuild.
And I'm so glad that we are no longer in the "still catching our breath, recovering" phase, but that we are rebuilding again!

I love my family.  We don't get to see each other as much as we need to, and definitely don't get to spend as much time as we would like with each other, but I'm so glad we have fb chat, texting and phone conversations!  It makes the 14 hour drive between us seem a little less severe.  And I'm hoping someday soon, we'll be able to make a trip to visit.  My parents were just here a couple weeks ago, and we miss them so much already!  And my sister has a new fella and I haven't met him, so hoping to get to do that at some point in life ;)

So, for now, I just have to say that I love them, I miss them terribly and I love them dearly!!!!

November 12

Tonight, I am thankful for a calling.  I can't really talk much about it now, but it isn't that I don't want to.  I am just not sure I fully understand it myself, so i am still trying to piece things together and figure it all out.  But, I have this sense of "something bigger" deep down inside of me.  I have a few ideas ~ but don't quite know how to execute any of them or if any of them will pan out.  But this I know, as one of my closest friend pointed out in a great article you can find here ~ maybe you and I were born, like Esther, for such a time as this.

I'm grateful God never lets go and can use us, no matter how weak or finicky we can be, HE will still use us if we make ourselves available for HIS use!  And I am.  Here am I, Lord, use me!

November 9

Today, I am grateful for the promises of God's word.  It's been a comfort to me so much.  Even more so these last few days.  In the aftermath of this election, I have such fear and uncertainty.  I have a very much of a doomsday/worst case scenario kind of a girl.  And really, that is a burden in and of itself.  Add to that the unexpected turn this election took, REALLY has done a number to me.  Where do we go?!  What do we do?!  How will we survive?!  What's going to happen?!  These are all legitimate questions.  These are all real concerns.  But let me tell you, if I'm not careful (and a lot of the times, I'm not ~ I have to work on that) those questions and so many more will bog my mind down.  And throw me into a pit.
But you know something, I'm recognizing it.  In my Sunday school class, we went through a book Get Out of That Pit by Beth Moore.  And I learned A LOT about my tendency to throw myself into pits.  So, I have been trying my dangedest to rest and rely on HIM.

And, in our Friday Bible study group, we are doing a study on the book of Revelation ~ Here and Now There and Then.  Let me tell ya ~ this study could NOT come at a more appropriate time for me.  And Beth Moore wrote it and did the DVD's back in 2009, but I promise you, it is almost like she did it yesterday.  It's uncanny, nope, it's a total God thing.  My pastor's wife and I made eye contact during the dvd a few times.  And it was one of those "oy vey" facepalm moments.  LOL  {Kathy has the unfortunate luck to be my friend on facebook and she sees my angst and my ramblings and rants!  Love her ~ we just kinda GET each other!  She's great!} It really is awesome (not the cheerleader "Like, it's so awesome" but the OH CRAP WHAT THE WHAT?!  awesome).

One thing that Beth Moore said today that hit home ~ she was talking about how the angels were created before God created everything else.  And as the Trinity stood around a not yet breathing Adam, can you just imagine it ~ God said to the Son ~ "are you sure?!  If we do this you're as good as dead" ~ and yet they still felt that man was worth it.  The Lamb was slain before the foundations of the world.  I've heard it before, but it just struck me.  God knew before he formed man that HE would have to send HIS son to be tortured for what would happen in the Garden.  HE  knew what would happen but for our fellowship, HE thought we were worth it.  So, it gives me great comfort knowing that HE knew that Obama would be elected the first time.  And re-elected.  And how devastated I would be.  So I am thankful for HIS promises  "I am with you always, even unto the ends of the world".  WOW.  "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee".  "Jesus wept".  That one is profound.  Just think about it.  What did HE weep over?!  Over the plight that we keep getting ourselves into.  Over the way we willingly forsake HIM for what WE want.  Over the pain that our choices brings us.  And over the fact that we keep doing it ~ over and over and over.

So, for me tonight, I'm thankful for God's words and God's promises to me {okay to you too, WHATEVER, selfish.  GAAAAHHHH.}  :D  HE IS TOTALLY AWESOME!

November 7

I know I missed yesterday.  I was busy ~ well, sort of.  I was excited and nervous.  But I woke up hopeful.  And I couldn't wait to get out and cast my vote.  I was so ready.  When the boys got up, I told them to get ready and I said "Today is the day, we get to change our country".  Oh, I truly believed it.  I truly believed we would change everything.

And after we voted, Jesse and I got into this huge argument over something silly.  We are both SO stubborn and that is NOT a good thing.  But I won :P  LOL.  Well, no not really.  But I had such anxious energy built up that I needed it expelled.

So, as the evening wore on it started out cool and fun and by the end of the night it had dissolved into sobs and anguish.  I'm telling you, y'all, it was ugly.  Fear, anger, sadness.

I had to take a loverly sleeping pill last night to actually fall asleep.  But you know what, I still tossed and turned all night and was up way too early.  Oy vey.  And when I woke up, I still shed a few tears.  And y'all, I TRULY don't get it.  I don't.  I don't understand.

I went throughout my day just sort of stupefied.  I'm still in a state of shock.  UGH.  And it doesn't help that I have a total conspiracy theory/apocalyptic mentality.  So my mind doesn't stop.  It's exhausting.  I'm still trying to piece it all together.  I hope that these next 4 years fly by.  I totally have Post Election Stress Syndrome.  WHAT?!  It's a real thing.

Now, for my grateful post.  I'm grateful for the peace of God.  I have my moments where I am still fearful and I forget to rely on HIM.  But most of this day has been a good day.  HE has made his presence known.  And I know that I have to trust HIM.  But I'm so grateful for HIS presence that gives me peace!  Because, y'all, it's all about HIM.  It's all about HIS honor and HIS glory.

Psalm 46.10
“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

I'm so grateful for that!  And I'm so grateful that I can KNOW He is GOD.  

November 5

This is a hard one today.  You see, on this date 14 years ago, 2 things happened that totally rocked my world.  The first one was that the only grandfather I ever knew lost his battle with cancer.  Oh, Poppy (what we called him) was a wonderful man!  He was so funny.  He was so loved by all his grandkids.  He always made me feel like his favorite (although, I am sure he did this for all of us).  I miss him so much.  Jesse was never able to meet him.  I'm sorry for that.  He would've loved Jesse!

                                         Kensel Hugh Poppy Miller
Just a few days before he lapsed into unconsciousness, I spoke to him on the phone.  I remember it vividly.  I was at college working on the switchboard during chapel.  And my mom called and said that Poppy was getting bad and it was my last chance to talk to him.  I let all the phones ring as I spent a minute or two talking to a man I spent my life adoring.  He told me how proud he was of me.  And that all that mattered in life was just to "Love Jesus.  That is all that matters.  And I love you."
After that he started talking gibberish and I hung up the phone.  I laid my head on the desk as about 6 phone lines were buzzing and I wept.  Oh, how I loved that man.  Oh, how I missed him already.   He died 2 days later. But, I'm SO grateful I was working that day so I got to speak to him that last time.  I will carry his words with me for the rest of my life.
On November 5th after I received word that Poppy had died EARLY that morning, I skipped all my classes to get ready to fly to Missouri for his funeral.  Jesse ditched a few of his classes that day too.  He even went to work late (or maybe he called off, I can't remember because I left) so he could spend some time with me.  And as my friend was pulling her car around to take me to the airport, Jesse and I were sitting in the "drool hall" and as we saw my friend pull up, he said that he loved me.  I was kinda shocked.  I didn't know what to say.  I just kinda looked at him all dumbfounded and we went to the car.  He helped me put my luggage in and I just kinda mumbled a goodbye to him.
Right as we were pulling away, I shockingly said to the girls with me "He told me he loved me".  Talia (the girl who owned the car) slammed her brakes on (he was still standing outside watching us drive away) and Talia and Meribel asked me "What did you say?!"  I said I didn't know, so they both jumped out of the car and yelled at Jesse "SHE LOVES YOU TOO"  Then we pulled away.  LOL ~ looking back now, it is kinda funny!  I did tell him later that night over the phone, but wow.  It was just so totally unexpected ~ we had only been dating officially for about a month!  But I'm so glad!  He has loved me (and I have loved him) for 14 years!  I'm so grateful for him.

So, all that to say ~ that I'm grateful for LOVE.  I have been loved well all of my life.  My parents, my grandparents, the Love of my Life, and my Saviour all have loved me.  I'm grateful for love and memories.

                                     My love and I ~ 14 years later, still grossing people out!

November 4

Tonight, I sit here in my warm, dry house.  With food in my pantry and fridge.  And my computer plugged in and charging and lights on.  And as snow is being rumored to be coming from the sky sometime soon, I'm grateful.

I'm grateful I have a safe, warm, dry house with electricity ~ when I have friends in New York City area and New Jersey who are still waiting for their power to be restored to their homes from Hurricane Sandy.

I'm grateful I haven't had to wait in line for gas for 4 hours.

I'm grateful that we have food to eat.  We don't have to go dumpster diving just to feed my guys.

I'm grateful I had clothes, jackets, coats, and extra food to send down to those in need.

I have lived through hurricane ravaged area's in South Florida.  I understand and can totally sympathize with those who are suffering from Hurricane Sandy.  Only, I didn't have to worry about the cold.

And, I am grateful I live in Syracuse area that didn't get any damage from Hurricane Sandy.  And I'm grateful to have had the experiences in South Florida with hurricanes so I can be compassionate towards those going through it now!

I wish I could do more.  But, I'm grateful for what I can do!

November 3

Today, I am grateful for my guys.  I am a blessed mama!  I have 3 awesome guys!  Their favorite thing to do is to snuggle with me.  I take advantage of it while I can.  Even my oldest guy still likes to snuggle!  I am so blessed to have 3 guys who I get to spend 95% of my day with.  I have the awesome opportunity of homeschooling them.  Although, there are SO many days that I get extremely frustrated with them, with homeschooling and all.  And I have those days that I truly do want to just run away.  And sometimes I do.  I usually run away to places like Target and Kohl's.  But, I know how blessed I am.  And I truly hope that at some point, they will look back and know that I cherish the times I got to spend with them!  I'm so grateful!

November 2nd

Today, I am grateful for my church.  I go to a ladies Bible study on Friday mornings.  And it is such a blessing to me.   To get together with ladies who have spent the week in their Bible studying their homework.  And then to come together and share what we got and listen to Beth Moore teach another lesson about it!

And Beth Moore studies are totally AWESOME.  I was never "allowed" to do discouraged from doing studies like I am doing now.  Too many men who occupied positions they probably shouldn't have were too intimidated by women learning from a strong woman like Beth Moore!  But, oh, I'm a blessed girl to be involved with a church who encourages women to learn to study the Bible!

So blessed indeed.

November 1st

I know I have been MIA for quite a while.  Life has gotten so busy and I have had way too many irons in the fire, I think.  But, now that the weather has turned cooler and I am staying inside more (who am I kidding, I stay inside alot) but not so on the go with things, I really want to dig in and get back to blogging.  And with it being 5 days until the election, well, my life will hopefully slow down even more!
And it's the first day of November and my most favorite month of the year.  The month of my most favorite holiday of all.  Thanksgiving.  And I like to make sure I give thanks.  So, I'm not promising to do it everyday, but I would like to share my things I'm thankful for with you (if I have any followers left).

I'm so very grateful for my husband!  He amazes me every day of my life.  He works so hard, and when he isn't working or sleeping (because he works nights he sleeps during the day) he is with us all the time.  He rarely gets to go do anything without any of us tagging along.  But you know what, he doesn't mind.  He's awesome.  And decisions that he makes, he makes them not based on his desires, but how he can best take care of us.  In this day and age, it is extremely hard to be a one income family, unless you are filthy rich.  Which we are NOT.  But, he works hard to make sure I can stay home with the boys and can homeschool them.  I'm so grateful for that.  Another reason I am so grateful for my husband is he is crazy about me.  Still.  I don't know why.  He just is!  And he makes me so happy.  Even when I get frustrated with him, because after all, he may be awesome, but he isn't perfect.  And I am a hormonal woman, after all.  But he is so patient and sweet and makes me smile and laugh, even if I'm seething at him!  It's a gift, I tell you!  But, I am so thankful he is the father of my children.  They don't realize how blessed they are to have him as their dad, but hopefully, one day they will!  I'm just amazed at all the things we have went through and yet, he is still right here with me, through all my crazy, he still loves me.  I'm just a blessed mess!  Love him so much!  Grateful for my Jesse Daniel McCoy!  <3 p="p">