Resolutions

After Christmas, I always feel a little down.  Then I take my Christmas decorations down (which I started to do today ~ tree is all done) and I start to get excited to look forward to the new year.  I always feel.......joy and excitement as I think of leaving one year behind to get to another!  And, I, like so many people, start the new year with the most wonderful intentions and usually Jan. 2nd comes around and I'm all "Resolutions?!?!  What?!?!"  Hahahaha ~ know what I mean?!

So, this year, I am tired of making the cliche, frivolous resolutions.  I did pretty good with the last year, and I am planning on doing it again.  I'm going to choose a word to work on.  My word/phrase last year was "Know" and my goal was to get to know Him better.  And, I can walk away from 2012 humbled by what I learned in my pursuit of getting to know God better.

Some of the things I walked through privately or even publicly brought me to a sweeter recognition of seeing the hand of God in my life.  I started the year in a completely broken disheveled mess.  And, I sought God.  I sought to know His heart better this year, and I'm so pleased to know that I'm ending 2012 not so broken, still pretty disheveled but the chaos of it doesn't overwhelm me as much.  I'm so glad that there came a point where I can see that when I worship ~ privately or corporately ~ that I can finally start to let Him be "the lifter of my head".  That, now the tears that flow as I worship Him come from such an overwhelming feeling of having seen His hand move in my life and an overwhelming feeling of His grace.  When I started the year, the tears would fall just simply because I was too broken to feel any of it.  I was writhing in the agony of not knowing how to connect with Him.  I was His, but somewhere along the line, I lost that "first love", I guess you could say.  And, I missed Him.  So, I determined that I would get to Know Him again.  And I'm so glad I did.

I'm so grateful for His grace that He extends to me each and every day.  I'm not perfect.  I start Bible studies and get discouraged if I "get behind" so I just let it go.  But, I'm determined to not let that stop me this year!  I'm excited to be helping lead a Bible study on Friday mornings this winter and I am joining an online Bible study.  I have started in the worship band at my church, so I only get to go to my Sunday school class every other Sunday, but I love it and can't wait to find out tomorrow what our next study will be!!

So, tomorrow, I start looking at school stuff and determining what all needs to be done this semester, try to get a workable schedule that we can stick to.  Along with some sort of chore schedule that I would love to start, I'm just not that organized to do it, unless it's idiot proof and fail proof.  Hahahaha ~ I would still find some way to fail with it, because I am just that talented!  So, bring on the New Year.  I'm ready for you, 2013!!  Because I know He is there and He knows and I can trust Him.

New Year

So, tonight as I sit here, playing with Christmas present that I just got today (a Nikon D3100 ~ what what?!).  I'm playing with all sorts of different things on my camera, reading blog after blog about it, and playing with my photo editing software.  And I don't know what is harder ~ the camera or the software.....

Anyways.......
My tree is still up.  Probably going to start taking it down tomorrow.  I'm so ready to get my living room back.  And my bedroom too, for that matter.  We had to move the huge oversized recliner to our room, which didn't have hardly any room to begin with.  So, I'm really ready to just be done with the Christmas decor.   Although, I will be sad because the lights are so pretty, but you know, I'm ready for it to be gone!

And, we are making plans for new years.  We are going to some very dear friends' house and just going to have fun!  I'm so looking forward to it!  Yay!   Jesse is off and we are going to have a fun night!

And I am looking forward to 2013.  I will say 2012 did NOT end the way I thought it would in many aspects.  But, I have made peace with that.  God knows and He is here and moving and working, so I am learning to trust His heart.  And 2013 is full of possible changes.  Some, I'm just not sure about.   I'm hoping that we can buy a house, but it also means we very much could be moving out of state, once again.  I used to not mind it, the moving.  But the older I get, the more I just want a place to call my own.  The desire to have a "home" for my boys to finish growing up in.    So, I'm ready to get to our forever home.  I'm NOT looking forward to leaving the people we are growing to love and a church we love.  But, I know that God knows and He is preparing people and places for us!  And, maybe we won't have to go anywhere.  That would be ideal.

And I'm dreading starting school back up again.  Seriously!  I'm not your normal homeschooler.  I dread every single school day.  But, that's life.   Although, I do have to start cracking the whip and getting back into a schedule.  Which, I think, helps with the dreading of the school day.  I need to have the guys concentrate on some memorization this semester, so, I need to work on that too.  It's just a challenge for me.  And I don't like being challenged.  Lol

So, those are just a couple thoughts on the upcoming new year!  What are your plans?  As long as mine include these 3 (and their dad) I'm good!  Aren't they cute?!

Christmas

How was your Christmas?  I don't think I have blogged since Thanksgiving.  I have to be completely honest with you, I have such a mixed bag of emotions when it comes to Christmas.  I have this complete love/hate relationship with it.  I love the true meaning of it, grateful for what it means.  But I absolutely loathe the "give me/I want" of it.  And, that's even of me.

I have been blessed with a good childhood.  It wasn't without it's pains and troubles.  We weren't rich, but, in my memory, we never lacked.  I recall stories of how poor we were, but I for one never fully "felt" it.  And I gotta say, that on Christmas, it was magical.  I still to this day have a deep seated love for Santa Claus ~ he always seemed to come through for me ;) .  I recall, usually around July or August, I would look through every toy catalog I could get my hands on and I would make a list for "the Big Guy" that would go on for miles.  And, I'm beginning to see that bit of me in my boys.  I don't think that I quite "got" what it was supposed to be about.  Please, don't think badly of my parents, they taught me what Christmas was all about.  But even some of the most well grounded people I know don't quite get it.  We know, but there's a huge difference between knowing it and getting it.

And I recall that while my mom would make Christmas merry in our house, I can remember that many years she always had "the blues" if not down right deep depression during this "most wonderful time of the year".  And, I never understood it.  But now as I am a mom with kids who call this "the most wonderful time of the year"  I totally get it.  I totally get how a mom gets the blues.  I totally get how the making merry is for some of us a most burdensome drudgery.  I get it.  I feel it.  I don't fully understand, but I'm seeing it and I get it.  Because I feel it.  And I have no shame in saying I loathe it.  I want to feel the magic and be merry.  But, I don't.

And I want to change that.  I don't think it's a matter of spirituality.  I think it is a matter of focus.  I have been reading some blogs about this.  And all through next year, I am going to be working on changing my focus for Christmas.  And I'm going to work on changing the focus of my entire family about Christmas.  I'm learning that it's okay to want things and it's okay to voice those desires, but when those desires change our focus, that is where we run into trouble.  And so, I will be working on this.

So, in the spirit of what this season is all about here is one of my favorite Christmas songs of this season.

And if you are aching in your soul for a different kind of Christmas, for a glimpse of peace for your Christmas, may I suggest you visit this blog and read as much as you can.  A Holy Experience ~ it is a place of peace.  Ann Voskamp is a marvelous writer.  And have your speakers on, for the music on this blog is so peaceful.  When I feel myself reeling and fragile, I go and read my Bible, and listen.  And then I read her words.  Comfort and encouragement are there.  And exactly what I needed this Christmas season!  Hoping you can benefit too!

May your heart find peace and be blessed with a peaceful New Year!

November 19

Today, I'm thankful.

I'm thankful that Thanksgiving is coming up.  It is my most favorite holiday.  I love the preparations for it.  The baking, the shopping for the turkey, the decorating/planning my table.  I just love it all.  I think I love it most because I don't have to rush around making sure I spend an equally proportionate amount of money on the boys.  Because I don't have to rush around trying to get everything wrapped, along with all the baking and cooking.

I just love Thanksgiving.  It's a day for us to spend the day together eating and just enjoying the ones we love.  And you know, I'm grateful because I get that most every day!  We, as a family, make sure that we sit down at the dinner table for a meal together with the television off most nights.  I get to spend my days ~ as maddening as it all seems ~ with my children.  It's a rare day if we aren't together.  But I'm grateful for Thanksgiving that we get to make traditions for our family!

November 14

Tonight, I'm thankful for my family!  And by that, I'm talking my parents and sister!  Things haven't always been great between us ~ but what is family if you can't have your arguments and disagreements and such.  But as long as after licking your wounds, you still love each other and rebuild your relationships again, then that is what family is all about.
And that was us.  We had a rough couple years.  We all hurt each others feelings.  We all ruffled each others feathers, but we still love each other.  And I'm so grateful for that.  Things aren't always perfect.  Life throws us curveballs, and we either learn to dodge and take cover or get hit square in the gut.  And sometimes you duck and cover and still get hit in the gut.  But once you catch your breath again, those relationships that took hits, you learn to re-evaluate, and rebuild.
And I'm so glad that we are no longer in the "still catching our breath, recovering" phase, but that we are rebuilding again!

I love my family.  We don't get to see each other as much as we need to, and definitely don't get to spend as much time as we would like with each other, but I'm so glad we have fb chat, texting and phone conversations!  It makes the 14 hour drive between us seem a little less severe.  And I'm hoping someday soon, we'll be able to make a trip to visit.  My parents were just here a couple weeks ago, and we miss them so much already!  And my sister has a new fella and I haven't met him, so hoping to get to do that at some point in life ;)

So, for now, I just have to say that I love them, I miss them terribly and I love them dearly!!!!

November 12

Tonight, I am thankful for a calling.  I can't really talk much about it now, but it isn't that I don't want to.  I am just not sure I fully understand it myself, so i am still trying to piece things together and figure it all out.  But, I have this sense of "something bigger" deep down inside of me.  I have a few ideas ~ but don't quite know how to execute any of them or if any of them will pan out.  But this I know, as one of my closest friend pointed out in a great article you can find here ~ maybe you and I were born, like Esther, for such a time as this.

I'm grateful God never lets go and can use us, no matter how weak or finicky we can be, HE will still use us if we make ourselves available for HIS use!  And I am.  Here am I, Lord, use me!

November 9

Today, I am grateful for the promises of God's word.  It's been a comfort to me so much.  Even more so these last few days.  In the aftermath of this election, I have such fear and uncertainty.  I have a very much of a doomsday/worst case scenario kind of a girl.  And really, that is a burden in and of itself.  Add to that the unexpected turn this election took, REALLY has done a number to me.  Where do we go?!  What do we do?!  How will we survive?!  What's going to happen?!  These are all legitimate questions.  These are all real concerns.  But let me tell you, if I'm not careful (and a lot of the times, I'm not ~ I have to work on that) those questions and so many more will bog my mind down.  And throw me into a pit.
But you know something, I'm recognizing it.  In my Sunday school class, we went through a book Get Out of That Pit by Beth Moore.  And I learned A LOT about my tendency to throw myself into pits.  So, I have been trying my dangedest to rest and rely on HIM.

And, in our Friday Bible study group, we are doing a study on the book of Revelation ~ Here and Now There and Then.  Let me tell ya ~ this study could NOT come at a more appropriate time for me.  And Beth Moore wrote it and did the DVD's back in 2009, but I promise you, it is almost like she did it yesterday.  It's uncanny, nope, it's a total God thing.  My pastor's wife and I made eye contact during the dvd a few times.  And it was one of those "oy vey" facepalm moments.  LOL  {Kathy has the unfortunate luck to be my friend on facebook and she sees my angst and my ramblings and rants!  Love her ~ we just kinda GET each other!  She's great!} It really is awesome (not the cheerleader "Like, it's so awesome" but the OH CRAP WHAT THE WHAT?!  awesome).

One thing that Beth Moore said today that hit home ~ she was talking about how the angels were created before God created everything else.  And as the Trinity stood around a not yet breathing Adam, can you just imagine it ~ God said to the Son ~ "are you sure?!  If we do this you're as good as dead" ~ and yet they still felt that man was worth it.  The Lamb was slain before the foundations of the world.  I've heard it before, but it just struck me.  God knew before he formed man that HE would have to send HIS son to be tortured for what would happen in the Garden.  HE  knew what would happen but for our fellowship, HE thought we were worth it.  So, it gives me great comfort knowing that HE knew that Obama would be elected the first time.  And re-elected.  And how devastated I would be.  So I am thankful for HIS promises  "I am with you always, even unto the ends of the world".  WOW.  "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee".  "Jesus wept".  That one is profound.  Just think about it.  What did HE weep over?!  Over the plight that we keep getting ourselves into.  Over the way we willingly forsake HIM for what WE want.  Over the pain that our choices brings us.  And over the fact that we keep doing it ~ over and over and over.

So, for me tonight, I'm thankful for God's words and God's promises to me {okay to you too, WHATEVER, selfish.  GAAAAHHHH.}  :D  HE IS TOTALLY AWESOME!

November 7

I know I missed yesterday.  I was busy ~ well, sort of.  I was excited and nervous.  But I woke up hopeful.  And I couldn't wait to get out and cast my vote.  I was so ready.  When the boys got up, I told them to get ready and I said "Today is the day, we get to change our country".  Oh, I truly believed it.  I truly believed we would change everything.

And after we voted, Jesse and I got into this huge argument over something silly.  We are both SO stubborn and that is NOT a good thing.  But I won :P  LOL.  Well, no not really.  But I had such anxious energy built up that I needed it expelled.

So, as the evening wore on it started out cool and fun and by the end of the night it had dissolved into sobs and anguish.  I'm telling you, y'all, it was ugly.  Fear, anger, sadness.

I had to take a loverly sleeping pill last night to actually fall asleep.  But you know what, I still tossed and turned all night and was up way too early.  Oy vey.  And when I woke up, I still shed a few tears.  And y'all, I TRULY don't get it.  I don't.  I don't understand.

I went throughout my day just sort of stupefied.  I'm still in a state of shock.  UGH.  And it doesn't help that I have a total conspiracy theory/apocalyptic mentality.  So my mind doesn't stop.  It's exhausting.  I'm still trying to piece it all together.  I hope that these next 4 years fly by.  I totally have Post Election Stress Syndrome.  WHAT?!  It's a real thing.

Now, for my grateful post.  I'm grateful for the peace of God.  I have my moments where I am still fearful and I forget to rely on HIM.  But most of this day has been a good day.  HE has made his presence known.  And I know that I have to trust HIM.  But I'm so grateful for HIS presence that gives me peace!  Because, y'all, it's all about HIM.  It's all about HIS honor and HIS glory.

Psalm 46.10
“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

I'm so grateful for that!  And I'm so grateful that I can KNOW He is GOD.  

November 5

This is a hard one today.  You see, on this date 14 years ago, 2 things happened that totally rocked my world.  The first one was that the only grandfather I ever knew lost his battle with cancer.  Oh, Poppy (what we called him) was a wonderful man!  He was so funny.  He was so loved by all his grandkids.  He always made me feel like his favorite (although, I am sure he did this for all of us).  I miss him so much.  Jesse was never able to meet him.  I'm sorry for that.  He would've loved Jesse!

                                         Kensel Hugh Poppy Miller
Just a few days before he lapsed into unconsciousness, I spoke to him on the phone.  I remember it vividly.  I was at college working on the switchboard during chapel.  And my mom called and said that Poppy was getting bad and it was my last chance to talk to him.  I let all the phones ring as I spent a minute or two talking to a man I spent my life adoring.  He told me how proud he was of me.  And that all that mattered in life was just to "Love Jesus.  That is all that matters.  And I love you."
After that he started talking gibberish and I hung up the phone.  I laid my head on the desk as about 6 phone lines were buzzing and I wept.  Oh, how I loved that man.  Oh, how I missed him already.   He died 2 days later. But, I'm SO grateful I was working that day so I got to speak to him that last time.  I will carry his words with me for the rest of my life.
On November 5th after I received word that Poppy had died EARLY that morning, I skipped all my classes to get ready to fly to Missouri for his funeral.  Jesse ditched a few of his classes that day too.  He even went to work late (or maybe he called off, I can't remember because I left) so he could spend some time with me.  And as my friend was pulling her car around to take me to the airport, Jesse and I were sitting in the "drool hall" and as we saw my friend pull up, he said that he loved me.  I was kinda shocked.  I didn't know what to say.  I just kinda looked at him all dumbfounded and we went to the car.  He helped me put my luggage in and I just kinda mumbled a goodbye to him.
Right as we were pulling away, I shockingly said to the girls with me "He told me he loved me".  Talia (the girl who owned the car) slammed her brakes on (he was still standing outside watching us drive away) and Talia and Meribel asked me "What did you say?!"  I said I didn't know, so they both jumped out of the car and yelled at Jesse "SHE LOVES YOU TOO"  Then we pulled away.  LOL ~ looking back now, it is kinda funny!  I did tell him later that night over the phone, but wow.  It was just so totally unexpected ~ we had only been dating officially for about a month!  But I'm so glad!  He has loved me (and I have loved him) for 14 years!  I'm so grateful for him.

So, all that to say ~ that I'm grateful for LOVE.  I have been loved well all of my life.  My parents, my grandparents, the Love of my Life, and my Saviour all have loved me.  I'm grateful for love and memories.

                                     My love and I ~ 14 years later, still grossing people out!

November 4

Tonight, I sit here in my warm, dry house.  With food in my pantry and fridge.  And my computer plugged in and charging and lights on.  And as snow is being rumored to be coming from the sky sometime soon, I'm grateful.

I'm grateful I have a safe, warm, dry house with electricity ~ when I have friends in New York City area and New Jersey who are still waiting for their power to be restored to their homes from Hurricane Sandy.

I'm grateful I haven't had to wait in line for gas for 4 hours.

I'm grateful that we have food to eat.  We don't have to go dumpster diving just to feed my guys.

I'm grateful I had clothes, jackets, coats, and extra food to send down to those in need.

I have lived through hurricane ravaged area's in South Florida.  I understand and can totally sympathize with those who are suffering from Hurricane Sandy.  Only, I didn't have to worry about the cold.

And, I am grateful I live in Syracuse area that didn't get any damage from Hurricane Sandy.  And I'm grateful to have had the experiences in South Florida with hurricanes so I can be compassionate towards those going through it now!

I wish I could do more.  But, I'm grateful for what I can do!

November 3

Today, I am grateful for my guys.  I am a blessed mama!  I have 3 awesome guys!  Their favorite thing to do is to snuggle with me.  I take advantage of it while I can.  Even my oldest guy still likes to snuggle!  I am so blessed to have 3 guys who I get to spend 95% of my day with.  I have the awesome opportunity of homeschooling them.  Although, there are SO many days that I get extremely frustrated with them, with homeschooling and all.  And I have those days that I truly do want to just run away.  And sometimes I do.  I usually run away to places like Target and Kohl's.  But, I know how blessed I am.  And I truly hope that at some point, they will look back and know that I cherish the times I got to spend with them!  I'm so grateful!

November 2nd

Today, I am grateful for my church.  I go to a ladies Bible study on Friday mornings.  And it is such a blessing to me.   To get together with ladies who have spent the week in their Bible studying their homework.  And then to come together and share what we got and listen to Beth Moore teach another lesson about it!

And Beth Moore studies are totally AWESOME.  I was never "allowed" to do discouraged from doing studies like I am doing now.  Too many men who occupied positions they probably shouldn't have were too intimidated by women learning from a strong woman like Beth Moore!  But, oh, I'm a blessed girl to be involved with a church who encourages women to learn to study the Bible!

So blessed indeed.

November 1st

I know I have been MIA for quite a while.  Life has gotten so busy and I have had way too many irons in the fire, I think.  But, now that the weather has turned cooler and I am staying inside more (who am I kidding, I stay inside alot) but not so on the go with things, I really want to dig in and get back to blogging.  And with it being 5 days until the election, well, my life will hopefully slow down even more!
And it's the first day of November and my most favorite month of the year.  The month of my most favorite holiday of all.  Thanksgiving.  And I like to make sure I give thanks.  So, I'm not promising to do it everyday, but I would like to share my things I'm thankful for with you (if I have any followers left).

I'm so very grateful for my husband!  He amazes me every day of my life.  He works so hard, and when he isn't working or sleeping (because he works nights he sleeps during the day) he is with us all the time.  He rarely gets to go do anything without any of us tagging along.  But you know what, he doesn't mind.  He's awesome.  And decisions that he makes, he makes them not based on his desires, but how he can best take care of us.  In this day and age, it is extremely hard to be a one income family, unless you are filthy rich.  Which we are NOT.  But, he works hard to make sure I can stay home with the boys and can homeschool them.  I'm so grateful for that.  Another reason I am so grateful for my husband is he is crazy about me.  Still.  I don't know why.  He just is!  And he makes me so happy.  Even when I get frustrated with him, because after all, he may be awesome, but he isn't perfect.  And I am a hormonal woman, after all.  But he is so patient and sweet and makes me smile and laugh, even if I'm seething at him!  It's a gift, I tell you!  But, I am so thankful he is the father of my children.  They don't realize how blessed they are to have him as their dad, but hopefully, one day they will!  I'm just amazed at all the things we have went through and yet, he is still right here with me, through all my crazy, he still loves me.  I'm just a blessed mess!  Love him so much!  Grateful for my Jesse Daniel McCoy!  <3 p="p">

LOVE

I am just ever so in awe that I get the awesome opportunity to be a MOM to not just 1, 2 but 3 little men.  I am SO blessed.  Here is a picture of my blessings

Today, my baby {did you hear that ~ my BABY} turned 4 years old.  I can barely wrap my mind around that.  It doesn't feel or seem right.  And it certainly isn't FAIR.  I spent Friday night just going through my pictures of when he was born on facebook.  Oh, he was a little fighter!  He was my monster baby ~ 7 lb 1 oz. preemie.  And even though he was in NICU for 8 days, at the size he was born at, I'm really grateful he was born early.  Phew.  But, he was the favorite with all the nurses in NICU.  He was a flirt even then!  Here are the links to my fb albums with a few of those pictures in it:
Gunner1  Gunner2

Oh, how I wish I could just swaddle him in a blanket like back then :'(  He was such a good sleeper from the moment we brought him home.  He was so used to the hospital room ~ quiet and dark!  I kept him in a bassinet in my room for about a week for ME not him.  And when we put him in his room in his crib ~ he slept through the night.  Oh, such a good baby.

But, alas, he is no longer a baby ~ and he makes no bones about it, telling me that he is a big boy and I should not refer to him as a baby.  But, he is!  Oh, how he is my baby.  

Here is my Baby today ~ he currently has a Spiderman obsession.  But look ~ his head is taller than the sofa.  NOT. EVEN. RIGHT.

So, last night we had to get the "dining room" ready for when Gunner woke up.  He's been obsessed with his birthday this year.  Maybe its his age, but I really don't recall my other 2 being this obsessed.  It was cute.  So, I HAD to do it up decent.  So I made a web out of streamers on the ceiling.  And Xavier and Tucker helped me out immensely.  Xavier was my "on top of the table" guy.  Tucker was the confetti spreader.  But, oh, it was just really annoying me {just the hassle of decorating}.  And I was getting frustrated and just grumbling.  Which I shouldn't have.  And I realized tonight that "little pitchers have big ears".  

Xavier, before he went to bed, offered to stay up to help me 'undecorate' but I told him he could help me tomorrow afternoon.  Then we were talking about what he wanted for his birthday {obviously, Gunner's theme was Spiderman}.  I try to decorate for each person's birthday.  And Xavier, bless his little heart, said he didn't want me to have to decorate for his birthday.  Talk about feeling about 2 inches tall.  Oh, I never want my kids to feel like their birthday is not a big deal.  And I told him that when they each made their appearance into my life, they forever changed my life and it was a big deal.  And that they deserve to have a big deal made of them!!!!!!  Now, we don't throw extravagant parties, most of the time it is just the five of us doing anything they want to (within reason).  They get to choose what they want for their birthday dinner and I decorate ~ I try to do something out of the ordinary!  Because they are worth it!!!  

This is the web that Xavier and I were putting up.  UGH.  Worth it, though, because Gunner ADORED it!  

So, I'm thankful for little men and birthdays!

July Dinner

So I had decided that in the month of July ~ I would challenge myself to cooking dinner at home all month long.  I hate cooking, but it is so much cheaper cooking at home, even though, I think I could eat out EVERY SINGLE DAY and not get tired of it.

So, I decided that I would cook every night.  And I would try to remember to document it!  So far, the documentation has not been there.  But the first 2 nights have been at home :D  July 1st was Spaghetti, July 2nd was southern smothered steak and rice, with boiled cabbage.
Tonight, I plan on taking pictures!  So stay tuned for the pictures and post!

LOVE

So very grateful for LOVE personified who came to earth, 

walked among us, showed us grace and mercy, long suffering, 

and what LOVE was willing to do.

 LOVE was abused.
LOVE was rejected.
LOVE was beaten.
LOVE was accused and ridiculed.

 LOVE was condemned to a most heinous death.
LOVE walked the via Dolarosa, carrying a cross. 

LOVE was nailed to that cross.

 LOVE forgave while in agony. 

 LOVE thought of others in HIS pain.

 LOVE suffered for my sins.

 LOVE died.

 LOVE was buried in an unused tomb.

 LOVE rolled that stone away.

 LOVE LIVES. 

~ LOVE ~ 

HIS NAME IS 

JESUS.

Wishing you a very blessed Easter

Bible Studies

And I have been doing so many Bible studies ~ personally and with my Sunday school class.  I have thoroughly enjoyed the ones from my Sunday School class.  They have all just been truly what I have needed.   We just got done with "Living your Life as a Beautiful Offering" by Angela Thomas.  WOW.  Our lives are cracked and flawed.  But we aren't required to be perfect.  We just need to be so full of Jesus so that we can slosh out Jesus, over the tops and out from our cracks and flaws so that HE may be glorified.  And when a woman lays herself on the altar of offering, HE raises her up and will move her in ways that HE will be COMPLETELY glorified.  And isn't that what we all want?!  Our lives to be a beautiful offering.  Our lives used to glorify God.  Our lives offered up for no other use but HIS.  WOW.  That was just yesterdays video.  And hearing Angela Thomas testimony of being raised up.  It was so moving and touching that it brought me to tears. 

I can't wait to get started on our next one ~ Nehemiah a heart that can break by Kelly Minter.  I cannot wait!

I'm so grateful to be a part of my church, and have a Pastor's wife who uses such studies.  I'm so grateful that we found a church that we can go to and hear God in the lessons taught, the sermons brought, and the songs sung.  It is so nice for me to be able to raise my hands in worship to my Lord and not feel bad for it!  It is so wonderful! 

We sang one of my favorites yesterday.  Here it is {you have to scroll down and pause the sidebar playlist}:

What's been up!

I know it's been quite a while since I have blogged.  Sorry!  Life just gets crazy busy, and yet is so boring I sometimes feel like I'm just filling up space needlessly ;)  Know what I mean?! 

Well, I started another blog, too.  It's for political stuff.  And hopefully when I start to PMS and want to blow my facebook page up with political rantings, I can just do it there ;).  And all the people said "AMEN".   I have tried to keep this blog free from politics, so I started the other one!

Anywho.......................
Well, Jesse and I stopped *talking* about joining a gym and we just up and did it.  We could talk all day long about it, but we ultimately just had to stop and just DO.  And I gotta say, I am so glad we did!  We joined on Thursday ~ went and worked out later that afternoon.  On Friday, I met with a personal trainer (got one free session for signing up) who got me set up with a "battle plan".   I am waging war on my fat self.  I stopped drinking soda ~ well, I have had a glass and a few sips since last Tuesday ~ trying to proportion my eating and eating healthier stuff.  So, Jesse and I go and work out (different times of day) almost every single day.  It has been hard, but I'm hoping to be able to look back in 6 months and see a marked difference in my body.  I totally want to lose around 75 pounds.  I would LOVE to be back in a size 6/8.  But, all in good time.  I want to lose the weight, and I am willing to do the hard work to do so, but I want to do it wisely. 
I ended up starting a page on facebook called Suck it up so you don't have to suck it in.  You are more than welcome to join.  It is wonderful to have that place for me to be held accountable and to be encouraged and encourage others.   It's been good for me!  It is a sort of confessional for me too ;)

After we joined the gym, one of the guys that Jesse works with asked him to join his team in the Tough Mudder.  And he did!  So, in May, he will be punishing his body by doing an 11 mile obstacle course.  I can't wait to go and see him accomplish it!   Call me crazy, but I wish I could do it too!  Although, I know I am no where AT ALL ready for something like that!  But I will be next year :D. 

The boys are doing good with their school work.  We are taking a vacation mid-March and going to a homeschool convention in Greenville, and staying with our friends from South Florida ~ Clint and Kelly and their girls!  I am excited.  We just got the list last week of the workshops that they will have and there are several that deal with helping a child with dyslexia or reading problems.  WOW.  What an answer to prayer!  I have been struggling along side of Tucker to help him with his reading!  I just think that God is working to give us the tools to help him!  I am so excited. 
And before we get to Greenville, we will be stopping in at Washington D.C. for a few days.  We are going to be doing some tourist-y stuff, seeing some friends, and just having fun!  I am so excited.  I really can't rightly recall ever having done a family vacation with just the 5 of us before.  And without it being to see family.  Most of our vacations have either been to see family or go places with extended family, and while those a great, I'm really stoked about having this vacation that we can have just "us".  Jesse and I are the independent sort and work best and are happiest when it is just us.  KWIM?

So that is how it's been around here.  Oh, yeah, and I am a great aunt ~ again.  No, that is not what I'm saying I am, I am that.  My nephew and his girlfriend (I won't go there :/ ) had a sweet little baby girl on the 23rd.  They named her Aayvie Lynn.  She is so cute (from what I can tell from pictures) and her cheeks, oh, how I long to just pinch them and nuzzle them!  So cute. 

So, that is what's up here!

Anticipation

Well, Jesse got home about 12 hours earlier than he was scheduled for.  Yay!  It was so nice to have him home that night, to tuck the guys into bed.  Then the next day, I was able to do something that I hadn't gotten to do for 2 1/2 weeks.  I went shopping!!!!!  Oh, it was a beautiful moment when I drove away with utter, blissful silence all by myself!  Now, don't get me wrong, I love my guys {all 4 of them} and I offered to let them go with me ~ but when they heard the words, trying on clothes, they all loudly groaned and unanimously decided to stay home.  Darn!  ;) 

So, I went clothes shopping all by myself.  And I really wasn't intending to purchase anything, just try to get an idea of some stuff I would like to buy ~ I'm kinda in need of clothes that fit me.  You see, I'm trying to lose weight, but it isn't happening all too fast.  And we have vacation coming up.  Now, the clothes I have work just fine for me ~ you know, the ratty old sweatshirts and t-shirts and the jeans about a tich too small.  And those work just fine for me right now, when all I do is stay home all day long and I have a couple of nice pieces that rotate for church every 2 weeks-ish.  But, going on vacation means people are going to be subjected {whether they like it or not} to looking at me and I would really prefer that I look presentable.  Which is why I was clothes shopping.  But, I found some very awesome deals, so I just had to snatch them up!  Dress barn was having some clearance stuff that I got awesome deals on and Christopher and Banks.  Well, lets just say I absolutely love their clothes, but I will never in my wildest dreams ever pay full price for their stuff.  Especially when I can wait and get the deal I got on Thursday.  I found an awesome pair of casual khaki's for..............drumroll please..............................$6.99.  Oh yeah.  That is what I'm talking about.  I mean a pair of $60.00 pants.  Sweet action Jackson.  Plus a Denim jacket/shirt thing there for also $6.99.  Score! 

And last night, I made our reservations for our hotel in Washington DC.  And I am so super duper excited!   We are taking our family vacation in March.  In Greenville, SC there is a homeschool convention that I was wanting to go to.  And a plus side of that is that one of my dearest friends lives in Greenville.  So, I talked Jesse into asking for the time off and he got it.  And we have some other friends that live and work in the DC area.  So we decided we would take a few days and spend it in DC and see our friends, do some of the tourist-y stuff and then head to Greenville. 

As soon as my friend Kelly found out we were coming down to the convention she said "Of course you are staying with us, right?!"  So we are staying with them and Kelly and I are going to hit up the convention together.  I don't think Jesse is going to want to go except maybe once because, as he put it, "honey, that's really not my thing".  But I don't care ~ he can go take the boys and do whatever!  I want to go to some of the workshops and most importantly I want to browse and investigate all my options for curriculum next year! 

So, I am greatly anticipating our vacation.  So excited!  We are going to be taking a tour of the Capitol Building, seeing the Washington Monument (even though it's closed due to earthquake damage), Lincoln Memorial, and all the other fun things we can just walk around and do on Monday.  On Tuesday, we are hitting up the Smithsonian because the boys and I  have never been there.  Before we leave on Wednesday, I'm wanting to take the boys (and Jesse, since he's never been) to Arlington.  I think it's important that they see the price that people have paid for our freedoms in this country. 

So, this is just like Christmas to me, I can barely contain my excitement.  And it's like our first real family vacation.  Usually, our vacations consist of visiting family, and while that's good and all, it's nice to do something tourist-y!  So, I'm just excited and had to tell someone, because I think all 4 of my guys are already tired of hearing about it ;)

Week 4 ~ Gentleness

This week, Courtney ~ at women living well ~ is challenging us to praise our children.  And when you first think about it, you would say ~ Oh, okay, I do that No big deal.  But she isn't just encouraging us to praise our children.  She is encouraging us (using the epitome of the gentle  mother Michelle Duggar) us to not just praise our kids, but to praise our kids 10x's more than we correct them.  Wait. a. Minute.  What!?  Is that even possible?!  It is something that will take time to get used to doing, but they are right. 

Now the past 3 weeks have been challenging for me.  Jesse's been gone for 2 weeks.  And I have failed more times than I can count, but I can say that I am now more aware of how I speak.  I am even more aware of how I interact with my guys.  And this has been a very much needed challenge.  I don't want to be the kind of mom that when my kids get older they don't remember anything but me yelling.  Me always being angry at them.  Me not handling their mischief properly.  I want to be fun and kind and sweet and gentle.  And no, that doesn't come naturally to me.  But I'm so very glad to have this challenge always at the front of my mind to always remind me to be more gentle. 

So, here's to week number 4.  May I praise my kids so much this week.  And I pray that God will help me find things with which to praise them if they are difficult! 

Blessed beyond Measure

Today has been a pretty good day.  When I tried to get out of bed this morning, I couldn't hardly move.  I gotta say, Eve needs to be in protective custody for all eternity.  Ugh.  Sometimes I *hate* being a girl.  But I am SO thankful that God saw to it that Midol was created.  Midol is a miracle medicine in my house.  Anywho.......
Because my cramps were so bad today (TMI?!  Sorry) I couldn't get to church.  So, I stayed home and watched church online.  And I am ever so thankful.  I watched the streaming services of Elevation Church.  I have been a fan of Steven Furtick for a few months.  Today though, he had a guest speaker {James McDonald} who spoke of generosity and giving.  Something I have struggled with here lately.  And I am ever so grateful that I was able to catch it and listen, be blessed, and be convicted by what I heard.  He made so many good points and actually talked about things in ways that I have been battling them in my own mind recently.  It's so awesome how God works.

And I'm so thankful that I have started listening to men and women of God who, just a few years ago, I would never have listened to because they weren't "using the right Bible" and I would've considered them to be "liberal, therefore their points of view to be wrong and irrelevant".  Woohoo.  I'm so grateful that God doesn't care what "religion" or "denomination" you are ~ just that we believe that He is the way the truth and the life!  How awesome is that!  And I know so many who would now deem me (because of this) to be "liberal and ecumenical".  And I say ~ Yes, I am.  Thanks!  I'm so thankful for how He's been working in my heart and in my life.  Oh, it is such a beautiful thing!  Woohoo!  I truly am blessed beyond measure!!

I can't remember if I blogged about this before ~ but I joined a Bible study (I think I have talked about it) study in the book of Ephesians.  Well, I had gotten so busy (how terrible am I?!) on Thursday and Friday that I had forgotten to do the work of it.  So I got caught up today.  Woah.  Monday through Friday, we read and studied Ephesians 1:1-14. 
 

Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God,
To God's holy people in Ephesus,t the faithful in Christ Jesus:

2 Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.4 For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love5 he predestined us for adoption to sonshipt through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will—6 to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.7 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace8 that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding,9 het made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ,10 to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment—to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ.

11 In him we were also chosen,t having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will,12 in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory.13 And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit,14 who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession—to the praise of his glory.

 {niv}

Now, I'm not gonna bore you with all my observations and applications, but I'm gonna give you a few highlights :D    The thing that I've been getting blessed beyond measure about is the fact that I am Chosen.  He chose me  ~ before the world was even created.  He chose me.  I wasn't an afterthought.  He included me and Chose me.  He spoke the voice of truth to me and when I accepted the Gospel of Salvation He sealed me for all eternity.  I am His child, chosen.  And because we are His, He lavishes blessings on us.  And He doesn't expect anything from us except Praise.  And I think I can do that.  Oh, this is so wonderful.  I will praise Him all my days!  For it's the least I can do. 
And this is why I *love* every single song that I have in my playlist over to your left here.  Such awesome praises those songs sing.  And those are my praise songs to my Creator, Redeemer, and Chooser!!!  Thank you Jesus!!!!!!

January 17

Today, we got started back in school after a very loverly 4 day weekend.  I had severe headaches on Friday, and Monday was a holiday so i just let them have it off.  And so today we are getting back in the swing of everything.  And it's been a great day!   They got their paperwork done ~ and Xavier is reviewing his chapter of History.  He's got a couple tests coming up. 

Sunday they joined the Kids choir at church and they have to go over their songs everyday.  So, I just incorporated that in with Bible class!  They love it.  I'm working on trying to teach them about true worship.  And I'm hoping that kids choir will help with that.

Today's Bible lesson was about sin.  I use a website for their Bible class:  Kids 4 Truth Devotionals .  And once a week they have a short biography of great Christians ~ Truth in Real life Moments.  And it was about Corrie ten Boom.  Such a convicting story and take on it.  Here is the last paragraph from the biography today:

What about us? In today’s comparably “normal” and “safe” circumstances, praying in a public restaurant or giving a disabled beggar some food is too “hard” or “scary” (or maybe just embarrassing?) for some Christians. They do not do anything notably “Christian” in public, because they don’t want to stand out as being different, and they are afraid someone might get angry or give them a funny look. They don’t want to give sacrificially or take risks to help needy people, because they are worried about having enough money and food for themselves. It was crucial for Corrie to remember that God loved her in spite of her shortcomings and that He wanted her to share His kind of love and forgiveness with her enemies. Do you love the unlovely? Do you take risks and make sacrifices to help needy people? Did Jesus Christ do those things for you? Even if you “don’t feel like it,” you can, by God’s grace, live out God’s love and grace in a world that doesn’t understand it.  

Something I want to teach my guys.  But I know it's something I truly need to exercise more in my life.   I like it when I'm trying to teach my guys something and it convicts me.  Well, I don't necessarily like it, but I know it's something I am glad for.  

All of Creation

A few months back, I came across a video ~ I don't even know who posted it or recommended it ~ and I have since watched so many of this guys video's.   The first time I watched it, I *almost* turned it off after the first few minutes, but I stuck it out for the whole 14 minutes. 

Oh. My. Goodness.  I am ever so glad I did.  It brought me to tears the first time I hear it and every time since.  It is truly marvelous.  I love Louie Giglio ~ I think it would be so marvelous to attend his church ~ his worship leader is Chris Tomlin.  What an awesome duo!  I even use his stuff in science class for my guys!  It is truly worth the 14 minutes it takes to get through it, and if you are like me, you will start it over again.  Make sure you scroll down a bit to pause the music to the left of my sidebar!

Here's the Scripture passage Louie uses.
Psalm 148:
 1 Praise the Lord.
Praise the Lord from the heavens;
praise him in the heights above.

2 Praise him, all his angels;
praise him, all his heavenly hosts.

3 Praise him, sun and moon;
praise him, all you shining stars.

4 Praise him, you highest heavens
and you waters above the skies.

5 Let them praise the name of the Lord,
for at his command they were created,

6 and he established them for ever and ever—
he issued a decree that will never pass away.

7 Praise the Lord from the earth,
you great sea creatures and all ocean depths,

8 lightning and hail, snow and clouds,
stormy winds that do his bidding,

9 you mountains and all hills,
fruit trees and all cedars,

10 wild animals and all cattle,
small creatures and flying birds,

11 kings of the earth and all nations,
you princes and all rulers on earth,

12 young men and women,
old men and children.

13 Let them praise the name of the Lord,
for his name alone is exalted;
his splendor is above the earth and the heavens.

14 And he has raised up for his people a horn,t
the praise of all his faithful servants,
of Israel, the people close to his heart.
Praise the Lord.   

One full Day

Well, I have one full day down.  We survived it.  I wasn't as gentle as I should've been.  But I didn't yell as much as I wanted to.  While I didn't exactly whisper, I spoke in a more controlled manner.  Tomorrow, I will give more hugs and kisses than I did today.   Tomorrow, I will actually do some housework!

But today, I was sorta lonely, so I talked to a few friends on facebook off and on all day.   But, we got caught up on some tests for Tucker and Xavier and I worked on some more Algebra.  And we got our science class done.  But not history.  There was a gas problem today.  No, not the furnace, 2 little boys couldn't stop passing it.  Ugh.  Oh the joys of mothering little boys.  That was the moment I actually did raise my voice today ~ with an exasperated "could. you. please. stop. farting.  Holy cow ~ I need a gas mask." 
Granted, the guys really thought it was funny, I didn't.  So I proceeded to just call an end to school and leave the room while telling them to take care of all their stuff.

Then they had "P.E." ~ that is what we homeschool mom's call playing out of doors!  :)  And when it started to get dark, I called the guys in ~ and sent Xavier to run laps around the building a couple times.  You see, he has been having a hard time falling asleep at night, so my thinking was that he wasn't playing hard enough.  He was crying when he got done, and told me that the only reason he wasn't falling asleep easily was he was worried about his Dad being gone and missing him.  *melting my heart*.  I'm hoping that is all it is.  Poor guy.  Sweet little guy!  Love his heart!  He {as well as the other two} is such a daddy's boy.

I did get both of my Bible studies in today.  And let me tell you ~ it's awesome how much they correlate ~ yes, I realize Paul wrote them both!  The thing I'm walking away with today is that Paul always poured grace, mercy and blessings on the recipients of his letters.  He let everyone know that they were worthy of Grace, compassion and God's great love.  No. Matter. What.  and from my study in Philippians 1:6  For I am confidant of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Jesus Christ  {nasb}~ God started a work in me the instant I received His free gift.   And never has God done a work and destroyed it completely when flaws become evident {Even Noah found Grace in the eyes of the Lord ~ God saved the remnant with Noah's family}.  every thing He's ever done was Good.  It didn't (nor does it ever) stay that way, but He will never be finished working in it!  How awesome is that?!?!?!

Anywho, I need to shut down and finally get some sleep!  I'll probably be back here tomorrow night!

Told ya :)

Haha ~ another post from me so soon!  Lol!  Less than 24 hours and I'm already bored/lonely :/

Anywho ~
I had made some resolutions for this year, and  so far my weight one has been doing good.  Although, I did fall off the wagon completely today.  Yikes.  I'm a stress eater and a Pepsi drinker.  And apparently, Pepsi is like a comfort food to me.  And so, here I sit drinking one.  But, tomorrow,  I will drink my 5 bottles of water like I had been the rest of the week.  And it's not as bad as I thought it would be, as long as I use my water bottle.

I want to start trying to get up earlier so I can get my Ephesians Bible study in before my guys get up.  And at night, I want to do my Philippians study.  Try to get on some sort of schedule.  So, that means, I eventually have to get into bed, I would imagine :).

After we dropped Jesse off at the airport today, the guys and I went to Walmart and I printed off some pictures for them ~ they wanted pictures of them with their Dad ~ so, I printed off the pictures we took at the airport and bought some $2 frames and they all went to sleep with their pictures.  How sweet is that?!  Come on, admit it, you just went "Awwwwwwwwwwww".  That's okay, my guys are like super cute ;)  And tonight, Xavier asked me "Mom, can we just snuggle for a little while?!"  *heart melting*  I love that my 10 year old {well, all of them for that matter} still loves to snuggle and cuddle with their mama!  Oh, I have been blessed!

But, tonight, I was just sitting here with the house a mess, I didn't feel like doing anything.  At All.  Yes, I allow myself to sit on the pity pot when Jesse leaves.  But I was thinking ~ I want to be actually productive this time, while he's gone.  And, gosh darn it, I will.  My goal while he's gone is to Not shop while he is gone.  I tend to do that ~ if you actually looked at our goals of paying off some stuff, 50% of what needs to be paid off is from my need to self soothe while shopping.  Oy vey!  Yep, I'm That girl.  I hope not to be her any more.  So, I decided to have a goal.  My goal is to get my scrapbook table cleaned off and maybe crank out a page or two or ten.  Whatever.  And to get rid of the pile of "donate" things in the basement.  But that is my goal.  That and to clean up the house and get into a habit of keeping it tidy and slightly more organized.  I try to keep my expectations low, because I know how I am.  But I will try :)

this week

:'(  This week, Jesse is gone for a few weeks doing some training.  He is going to be the Ground Defense instructor where he works, so he has to go to an "instructing the instructor" class, then for the last week and a half will be nothing but ground defense.  He likes that sort of stuff, but the class is going to wreck him.  Or so he says ;)  So, he is on his way to Little Rock right now.  Should be landing soon.

I hate it when he has to leave for stuff like this.  I can survive.  I carry on, but I truly do miss him.  Although, I look at the positive ~ you know, I don't have to shave my legs as much, get to have the bed completely to myself all those nights, I don't have to get out of my pajama's, and the clincher ~ Dinner can be cereal Ever. Single. Night.  :D  Yeah, Buddy!  So, Jesse, you have any more training you can do there, dear?!  LOL

Of course there are the downfalls ~ 24/7 non-stop of mommy and me time with my guys.  I guarantee they don't always look forward to these times :/  They actually asked me if I could go and dad could stay here.  And let me tell ya, I would be more than willing, but I don't think I could pass myself off as Jesse McCoy ;)  Nor could I survive Ground Defense training!!!!

Well, last week I know I mentioned I was taking the Gentleness  challenge with Courtney (and many other women around the country) at women living well.

I cannot tell you how much I am appreciating all the encouragement and camaraderie I feel doing it.  It's nice to know that I am not alone with this.  I am just praying I can exercise gentleness more to my boys this week.  I did okay last week.  I lost it a couple times, today being one of those days.  But, I am trying.  It's good for me!  And it's great for my guys!

So, for right now, that's all.  Hope you all have a marvelous week!  I'll probably blog a lot this week ;)

Excited

Well, to do with my new years word ~ KNOW ~ I had planned on starting a personal study of the book of Philippians.  Then Courtney at women living well introduced a 3 month Bible study of Ephesians and a friend of mine Sherry at he{art} started a Good Morning Girls group on facebook and I really wanted to do it.  So I decided that in my journey this year to KNOW HIM more, 2 studies at once couldn't necessarily be a bad thing, right?   So I will be doing both.  I can't wait.   Philippians has always been a favorite of mine.  And Ephesians, well, Ephesians has my marriage verses in it, so I can't wait!

I am also wanting so badly to get a little more involved in politics.  I'm always posting political things on facebook, but I really want to get more involved in real life.  I get so caught up that it's not good for my blood pressure though.  I really just need to find a good balance for it.  I am hoping to become more involved with Smart Girl Politics.  if you are a conservative and concerned with the direction this country is going, I would encourage you to go check out Smart Girl Politics.  I have really slacked in being on there much, but will now that things are starting to settle down.  I'm hoping and praying for an opportunity to host a Smart Girl meet and greet at some point in the near future. 

Now, (I kinda feel like I'm doing a business meeting ~ next order of business ;)  ) I have also been taking the Gentleness challenge with women living well.  And let me tell ya ~ I'm having a tough time.   But I truly know it is something I need to work on.  And it is so convicting because it has been around me the last few days.  At my MOPS (mothers of pre-schoolers) meeting, there was a director (I think she was a family therapist too) she uses and teaches the Christian version of the nurtured heart method of parenting.   And WOW.  As she was teaching, the conviction that I was getting.  Some of the things that she had talked about ways of NOT parenting, I had just done like an hour before.  And I'm so thankful.  I'm considering signing up for one of her monthly seminars.  I need it.  

So, that is what's going on here.  Hope your year is shaping up to be a great one!

Gentleness

Courtney at http://womenlivingwell.org/ is hosting this challenge.  And it caught my eye.  I have a problem at times with anger and yelling.  And what caught my eye about this is she said it was aimed towards mommies who get angry.  And it is so me, unfortunately.   So, I am going to take this challenge to try to become a better mommy to my boys.  They deserve the best mommy around.  So I will do what I can to be that!  Oh, Lord that I could be a gentle mama!

Come join me!

2012 Word

I was sharing with Xavier tonight as I was tucking him in that a few years back, I saw some bloggers I follow talk about their "word for the year", and how CRAZY I thought they were.  I mean, come on?!  Seriously?!  One word?!  UGH.  Ridiculous.
Then last year, I saw it and read their blogs about their "word" and thought, okay, maybe I understand it.  Whatever.
This year, I started thinking, I want a word.  One word that will be my theme for the year.  Yes.  I am going to be one of those CRAZY bloggers.  So I had started thinking about it a couple of days before Christmas.  And I would just go through my day praying and thinking about it.  And a few days ago, I read a verse and I knew that was going to be my word for the year.
KNOW.  That's my word.  Know.  Then today, in church, our Pastor preached out of the same text that I came across the other day.  Philippians 3:10 (well, he used the whole chapter, but that was his theme verse).  That I may KNOW him.  I want to know HIM more this year than I did last year.  And I will admit, shamedly, that I didn't strive to learn more about HIM last year.  I was having a rough year ~ since about August 2010 it had been rough.   But, the fog in my brain and on my heart is starting to clear just a little bit, and I am longing to know this ONE who gave me everything and who gave everything for me.  My theme verses for this year are:
Philippians 3:8-14

More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. 

                                 {NASB}

Such powerful words.  Such awesome verses.   Like I said before, we've had some pretty crappy things happen to us in the last year and a half.  But, I decided that I want to put it all behind me.  FORGET what went on back there, stop dwelling in the past {and yes, that may require me to forget some people and let them take their place as simply a memory} and look forward to the promise of the clean slate of a brand new year.  I want to KNOW CHRIST in ways that I haven't before.  I want to know the power of HIS resurrection.  I want to know the fellowship of HIS suffering.  Everything I've went through, HE has been experiencing it with me.  How precious is that?!  

I know I have LOTS to work on this year.  And, there are some things that are just too tender and raw for me right now.  So, instead of working on those things, I decided that I just need to KNOW my Saviour.  I need to KNOW that HE is right here beside me.   I need to KNOW HIM.  And somehow all the rest will just work out.  

And, another way I'm wanting to use KNOW ~ I want to get to KNOW my family in a new way.  I want to get to KNOW my husband in a deeper more intimate way.  I want to get to KNOW my boys and learn better ways in which to train them to be men of God.  I want to get to KNOW so many things.  But for this year, KNOWING my Saviour and my guys is enough.  

So, how about you?!  Do you have a word for this year?!  Or do you think I've joined the rank of the crazies?!  And that's okay because I have ;D !  Would you mind sharing your word?!  I love comments!